DEAR ABBY: My preteen son is friends with a boy I don't quite approve of, but I understand that sometimes bad decisions lead to future wisdom. When I can, I allow the friend to come to our house to hang out with my son because this friend allegedly has a difficult home life.

During this last visit, I noticed them hanging out a little physically closer than usual. They shared the same recliner to play video games, talked to each other using gamer tags and the like, and had what I assume were numerous inside jokes.

My husband and I would never belittle, degrade or denounce our children for being gay. We know we're from a bygone era, and we do not assume our particular values are held by our children. We have discussed it and know how to approach it from our perspective if our son announces his orientation. I'm not even certain my perception of his closeness with his friend is accurate.

My husband is more worldly than I am, and he says this kind of behavior is not unusual in the EU. Neither of us wants to address this ahead of anything occurring. We will love our son regardless and support him throughout our lives. I don't want to make him feel singled out by what may be usual pubescent behavior. My husband and I are in our 30s/40s. We live in an extremely rural area, and this is my son's only real friend. Any insight would be appreciated. -- WONDERING ON THE FARM

DEAR WONDERING: You may be jumping to conclusions unnecessarily. Sitting close to play video games and sharing inside jokes with a best friend are not necessarily signs of being gay. It is what best friends that age do. Whatever your boy's sexual orientation may be, you say you will love and support him regardless, so this shouldn't be a problem. His sexual orientation will reveal itself in its own time.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me figure out whether I've made a major mistake. I've been dating this man, "Frank," for six months. He has another woman in his life that he told me he's only a caregiver for, but then I learned he has been taking her to the lake and out to dinner.

After that, I found out she used to be a prostitute and lived with him for a few weeks and that he has been offered sex by her. He went into a panic when she was in the hospital and he didn't know where she was. He swears up and down that it's me he loves, not her. Help, please. -- COMPETING IN GEORGIA

DEAR COMPETING: Do some digging. Who is the source of the information you are being given? Is that person a reliable source, or could there be an ulterior motive? For a caregiver to "go into a panic" if his patient disappears would not be unusual.

And, while it's possible that he is driving to the lake and going out to dinner in his role as a caregiver, if the person paying the tab is him, then it's a date, and he hasn't been truthful with you. I would be interested in what you find out. Please write back and let me know.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I was contacted by a half-sister I'll call "Shyla," who my mother placed for adoption at birth. My mother passed away five years ago. She was a horrible mother who physically, verbally and emotionally abused my brother and me. Giving Shyla up was the best thing she ever did. I have spent years in therapy to work through my painful childhood.

Shyla barreled in like a train. I was honest with her about our mother and how I grew up. But Shyla wants me to visit her and video-call her like we are close. When she asks questions about my mother, I'm honest because I refuse to create a person who didn't exist. The woman was a monster.

I do not want a relationship with this sister, or to have to talk about my abuser for the rest of my life. That chapter is closed. Shyla makes me feel horrible because I haven't met her yet. I don't want to meet her. Other adoptees I have spoken to chide me on this, saying Shyla "has a right" to her birth family. Advice, please. -- FREAKING OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FREAKING OUT: You have given your half-sister what information you could. Regardless of what "other adoptees" are telling you, you are NOT obligated to have more contact with this half-sister than you are comfortable with. If she asks to meet again, tell her it has taken years of therapy to get past what was done to you and your brother, and that talking with her is bringing back all of that trauma, which is why you do not wish to have further contact with her. If she persists after that, block her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old widow. My husband of 18 years passed away 14 months ago. My three children from a previous marriage, which ended because of abuse, are adults. Two of them are still in the house, and one, my son "Charlie," has serious health issues. My husband was sick for five years prior to his death.

Charlie gets upset when I talk about being interested in starting to date. He thinks I am going to abandon him again and that I should pay more attention to reconnecting with my children than trying to develop a new relationship. I don't see why I can't have both.

Charlie refuses to leave the house, so taking him out to do things is not an option. I don't think he loves me; I feel he just wants to control me. My other children are supportive, but they are independent. Am I wrong for wanting to pursue life outside my home and grown children? -- ATTEMPTING TO GO FORWARD

DEAR ATTEMPTING: You aren't wrong for wanting companionship, and I'm not referring to the kind you can get from your children. If Charlie is unable to live independently and needs constant supervision, you should be discussing options for him such as respite care, so you can have a break.

Because you mentioned that he has serious health issues, what are the plans for him if you should predecease him? This is an issue that should be hashed out before there is a crisis, so there will be no surprises and Charlie can be reassured, which may allay his fears and help him to become less needy.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter has been married for three years to a wonderful guy she dated for 10 years and loves dearly. Because she doesn't like his last name, she chose to maintain her maiden name. He understood this soon after they started dating.

She's now three months pregnant and facing a dilemma about what to name their child. She's adamant that a hyphenated name is unacceptable. They have tentatively discussed a complete name change for themselves and the child. Her husband was adopted, and she feels there's no reason his surname must be carried on. He's OK with keeping his last name but would consider a new one if she suggests something he likes.

The problem is, she hasn't been able to come up with one he likes. We're concerned this issue will drag on without being settled until our grandchild arrives. We recently offered limited advice hoping they can work this out between themselves.

I believe her husband is entitled to keep his name, and she as well, but I'm against the child carrying only her name. Any suggestions you could provide to help resolve this would be appreciated before our grandchild is born nameless. -- FAMILY DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR FAMILY: My suggestion is that as helpful as you might wish to be, this is something your daughter and son-in-law must work out by themselves. "What's in a name" is plenty, and because this dilemma is emotionally loaded, you should stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm undergoing chemo/immunotherapy for cancer every three weeks. For quite some time now, my husband has been going out most days from 12:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. He does not say where he is going, and when he comes home, he says hardly a word. He is angry with me for the least little thing, and being around him gets very unpleasant because he shouts and throws things around.

I need to know what's going on, why, and if it is innocent -- because he won't say where he's going and for what purpose. Am I justified in being upset and distressed about this? I am at a point in my life where I need support. I think we both should be more concerned with making our future enjoyable and peaceful.

How should I approach him about this without incurring more anger and putting myself in a worse situation than I am already in? I don't want to accuse him of anything, but I want to know the truth however hard it may be. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me. -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Has this been going on since you were diagnosed, or do your husband's absences predate it? Because he becomes angry and defensive when you ask what is going on, stop trying to confront him. Your husband may be angry with you for getting cancer, be incapable of giving emotional support or be stressed to the max and need private time to decompress. Or he may be cheating.

If you can afford it, hire a private detective to provide the information you need. I am so sorry for your pain. At a time like this, the last thing you needed was additional worry.