DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I was contacted by a half-sister I'll call "Shyla," who my mother placed for adoption at birth. My mother passed away five years ago. She was a horrible mother who physically, verbally and emotionally abused my brother and me. Giving Shyla up was the best thing she ever did. I have spent years in therapy to work through my painful childhood.
Shyla barreled in like a train. I was honest with her about our mother and how I grew up. But Shyla wants me to visit her and video-call her like we are close. When she asks questions about my mother, I'm honest because I refuse to create a person who didn't exist. The woman was a monster.
I do not want a relationship with this sister, or to have to talk about my abuser for the rest of my life. That chapter is closed. Shyla makes me feel horrible because I haven't met her yet. I don't want to meet her. Other adoptees I have spoken to chide me on this, saying Shyla "has a right" to her birth family. Advice, please. -- FREAKING OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR FREAKING OUT: You have given your half-sister what information you could. Regardless of what "other adoptees" are telling you, you are NOT obligated to have more contact with this half-sister than you are comfortable with. If she asks to meet again, tell her it has taken years of therapy to get past what was done to you and your brother, and that talking with her is bringing back all of that trauma, which is why you do not wish to have further contact with her. If she persists after that, block her.