DEAR ABBY: When I found out a few months ago that my husband of 24 years had been having affairs with several men, it devastated me. I have gone to counseling to try to deal with the pain and depression I now suffer from. He's in counseling for himself as well, and we are also in couple's counseling to see if our marriage is salvageable. He tells me it has nothing to do with me but more about his need for attention, and that he didn't feel it was cheating because it wasn't with another woman. The problem is, he did this for six years.
I'm no longer in love with him -- and yes, I did love him more than life itself. I feel I need to end our marriage because I will never be able to trust him again, and I will never be enough for him. I'm struggling with guilt about it. He cries when I tell him I'm done, which makes me feel awful. How can I make it easier for both of us? -- DEVASTATED BEYOND WORDS
DEAR DEVASTATED: That may not be possible, and you are not to blame for what happened. Once you accept that fact, you may begin to feel less guilty. Married men do not engage in affairs with other men because they aren't getting enough attention from their wives. Whether your husband is a deeply closeted gay man or bisexual is anyone's guess. But he chose to cheat on you. Bisexual people (of both sexes) in committed relationships remain faithful -- which he wasn't for six years. Keep that in mind when you tell him (again) that you are done, then hand him some tissues and call your lawyer.