DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 19 years. He wants to get married, but I keep putting it off. I was married before; he's never been married. I haven't done it because I can't get over something his mom did to me more than 10 years ago.
I was close with her. Her daughter-in-law and I knew each other from when we were younger, but we never got along. Well, she convinced my boyfriend's mom that I was sleeping with a friend of theirs, which was a lie. Instead of coming to me asking me about it, she and her DIL came to my house, screaming at me and ordered me to let my boyfriend go so he could be happy and find someone else, since I was messing around. I was so stunned I just said, "Fine!" and told them to leave. My boyfriend was furious. He called his mom and yelled at her. When she realized it wasn't true, she apologized.
My issue is, I was more hurt than mad because of how it was handled. Am I being selfish and stubborn? -- STILL HURT IN FLORIDA
DEAR STILL HURT: You are neither selfish nor stubborn. You are foolish. If you think you are punishing your boyfriend's mother by refusing to marry her son (for 19 years!), you are mistaken. It hasn't affected her at all. I do think you are overdue in finding a way to bury the hatchet with the woman whose mistake was in believing everything she was told.