DEAR ABBY: My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. We have lived together almost since Day One. This is the second major relationship for both of us. (He is divorced). He's planning a trip back home to visit family and take care of some business deals. I will not be going with him on this trip. When he returns, his mother will be coming with him. The issue is, there's no definite return date for her. She overstayed her welcome in the past (before we were together) and turned a two-week stay into seven months.

I'm a very solitary person. I like being around my boyfriend and no one else on a regular basis. I don't mind her coming to visit, but I'm extremely anxious because she hasn't set a date to return home. I have made clear to my boyfriend that I do not want her staying longer than two weeks, which he is fine with, so I'm not the wicked witch here. I just don't know how to nicely broach the subject with her and convey that we would like her visit to be on the brief side.

I admit I'm not the most tactful person when it comes to delicate topics. I tend to be blunt and I have been described as "honest to a fault" before. How can this subject be brought up without hurting anyone's feelings? I want to be able to enjoy time with her while she's here, not worry about when she'll leave. -- ANGST-RIDDEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANGST-RIDDEN: In light of the fact that you tend to be "plain-spoken," you should not be the person to discuss this with your boyfriend's mother. It would be more appropriate for her son to have "the talk" with her so all of you know what the parameters will be and the message is delivered with tact.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 42 years passed away two years ago. His children and I get along fine, but when he was alive, they never acknowledged our anniversary. Now that their dad is gone, they send me anniversary cards each year on the date. I find it annoying that they never thought to wish us "Happy Anniversary" while he was alive, which he would have loved. I suspect they just do it to try to stay on my good side and perhaps stay in my will. How do I politely tell them to stop, that their cards only remind me that my darling is gone and they never acknowledged our marriage when it would have actually meant something? -- DISTRESSED STEPMOM

DEAR DISTRESSED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. After 42 years, the adjustment must be a very painful one. Because you want to be polite -- and perhaps maintain a cordial (if not loving) relationship with his children, convey that you would prefer they not send anniversary cards "because they are a painful reminder of his loss at a sensitive time." Resist the urge to point out that they failed to acknowledge the occasion during their father's lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I have two good friends who dated all through college until "Isaac" broke up with "Jen" in a very stressful and dramatic way. We were all living together in a house, and he broke up with her to date a girl he liked from his newspaper club. We used to host parties for the club, and the girls would openly flirt with him in front of Jen. During the mess of the breakup, I learned that Isaac had known for a while he wanted to end things with Jen, and stayed with her only because he wanted to have enough people for a nice student house.

Fast-forward three years: We are out of college, and I still live with Jen. Isaac relies on her for all his emotional needs and says she's his "best friend." She can't say no to him or distance herself because she's still hoping that "maybe" something could happen. Earlier this year he told me that he was not planning on getting back together with her, but he's here almost every day, insisting on spending time with us.

It's frustrating since I feel Jen deserves more. She's very anxious, and told me during the breakup that she didn't want me telling her any details about him that she wouldn't want to hear. I'm now wondering if I have used that as an excuse to spare her from all the things I feel she ought to know. I don't know how I would even broach the subject, and it's making me irritable around them. Help! -- HOPING I'M A GOOD FRIEND

DEAR HOPING: Jen made clear that she doesn't want to hear any bad news from you. If you disclose what you know, you will lose your housemate. The message you want to deliver falls into that category. From your description of Isaac, he's a user and a player. She would be better off without him in her life. But she must arrive at that conclusion herself. (After their breakup, she should have realized he couldn't be counted on.) Sometimes people have to learn the hard way, and Jen appears to be one of them. If you uncouple your life from theirs and spend less time with them, it will be healthier for you.

DEAR ABBY: There are several same-sex couples within our circle of friends and former co-workers. Whether male or female, each has a husband and wife. We are not sure how it is decided who will assume which role; and we don't feel comfortable asking what might be too intrusive a question regarding their relationships. We would appreciate it if you could find the answer, if there is one. -- CURIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR CURIOUS: Unlike with straight couples, who define their spouse as "husband" or "wife," when male couples marry, both spouses refer to their partner as "husband." With female couples, the spouses are both called "wife." Household tasks usually fall to whomever does them best or wants to do them. Roles are assigned according to ability and circumstance, rather than imitating traditional marital duties. (By the way, the same applies to some opposite-sex couples as well.)

DEAR ABBY: I love both my parents so much, but I'm definitely closer to my dad. He has been there for me through it all, and now that I'm older, I want to be the best daughter possible to him.

Here's the issue: Dad was older when I came along, and he's impatient for grandkids. I'm 20 and on the pre-med track in college, and my career path will make me a very busy individual for years to come. Because of this, I planned to postpone having kids until later on. I want to be able to spend time with them and be an involved parent.

But doing the math, Dad would be in his 70s by the time I had a child, and I'm worried he won't be able to see them grow up. He says he deserves to have grandkids sooner rather than later and has assured me that he'll take care of them for me so I can work. I feel so torn. I want to make sure he gets to meet his grandkids, but I also feel it would be unfair to them if I can't spend time with them. What should I do? -- ON THE FAST TRACK

DEAR O.T.F.T.: Do not knuckle under to the pressure! Your father "deserves" to become a grandparent when you are ready to have a child, not before. If his health is good, he could live well into his 80s and beyond. If it isn't, he should not be responsible for taking care of small children. For the sake of any child you aspire to bring into this world, do not conceive one because you feel indebted to your father. You will be better able to provide for your family once you have completed your education, internship and residency -- and found a partner.

DEAR ABBY: I bought a condo three months ago that I love. There are just a few things about it that bother me. When the couple who lives upstairs walks across the floor, it sounds like Bigfoot, and when they make love, I cannot escape the loud moaning and the noisy mattress. I have talked to them about it, but nothing has changed. I'm ready to put the place up for sale. Any suggestions? -- MAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MAD: Before buying a home, the prospective buyer should ask whether there are any defects in the place -- and a good home inspector is a must. The builder of your new condo failed to install sound-dampening insulation between the floors. Before offering the place for sale, consult a contractor and ask if something can be done to remedy your problem. However, if that would be too costly, you may have to find another place to live. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: How can I tactfully explain to a friend that no one wants to see cleavage on a 70-plus-year-old lady? I'm sure it looks OK when she leaves the house, but when she's sitting, her tops slide down and show more than they should. Or maybe she thinks she is being sexy? -- MORTIFIED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MORTIFIED: I don't know whether your friend is trying to be sexy, and neither do you. My heartfelt advice to you is to keep your nose out of her cleavage.