DEAR ABBY: My husband of three years informed me that he'd had a brief affair and fathered a baby. We worked through it, and I decided to stay in the marriage. The mother of the child is in a new relationship. I am 10 years older than my husband and have grown kids. I am not interested in raising any more. I have friends, hobbies, outdoor sports and activities that I enjoy in my free time, and I'm not giving them up. (My husband enjoys these activities, too.) He told me he plans to have visitation with the baby in our home every other week. I have no objection. In fact, I see it as a perfect opportunity to go on some out-of-towners with my girlfriends. (We plan to yuk it up and enjoy some spa services.)
Abby, my husband hasn't a clue what to do. He has never even changed a diaper. I told him he will have to learn quickly or adjust his visitation plans because I am not helping him with his baby. I worked hard while I raised my kids and made all the sacrifices necessary. We have close relationships as adults. We live nearby, and they sometimes accompany me on my adventures.
When they have kids of their own, I plan to be an involved grandparent, but I would never expect my husband to give up his weekends to wipe their noses. (He would refuse, by the way. I know this because he has said so.) His stance on stepparenting is different now because it involves a baby. I'm wondering if I should stay in the marriage. -- TOOK CARE OF MY OWN
DEAR TOOK CARE: That's a good question. It's one you might discuss with an attorney to determine what the result will be financially if you exit the marriage. Do nothing in haste. However, once you have done that, if you are unwilling to disrupt your plans and help your husband with a responsibility that should be solely his, tell him you don't plan to spend weekends babysitting the result of his careless, adulterous affair.