DEAR ABBY: I had a horrible childhood with a mean mother who berated and took her issues out on me. I also had an older brother who enjoyed making fun of me and embarrassed me in front of others to get his kicks. He still never misses an opportunity to pull a "gotcha."

I was raised at a time when child abuse was considered making a kid tough. What it did to me was break me down emotionally. Does PTSD ever go away, or do I have to live with it to the end? -- JUST GETTING BY IN NEW YORK

DEAR JUST GETTING BY: I'm sorry for the abuse to which you were subjected. PTSD does not go away on its own, and you do not have to "live with it." Distance yourself as much as possible from your bully brother. You can find the help you need by asking your physician or insurance company to refer you to a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in patients with PTSD. You won't be the first person to do "couch time" after an abusive childhood. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law has spent every Friday night with my husband and me for two years, ever since my mother-in-law passed away. My husband spends every Tuesday evening with him at his house. My sister-in-law is building a room onto her house for him to live in (he is selling his house). My husband and sister-in-law call him two or three times a day.

Abby, my father-in-law is healthy and still drives. He never pays for any food -- my husband and sister-in-law buy all his food. He's a wealthy man, but stingy. I think my husband and his sister are obsessed. What do you think? I'm so tired of this. I don't want him staying at my house. I need privacy! Help! -- OVER IT NOW IN TENNESSEE

DEAR OVER IT: Your husband and his sister appear to be devoted to their father. Either that, or they may anticipate a big payday once their wealthy parent expires. More than privacy, you may need a break. Arrange to spend some of those Friday nights with women friends, and perhaps his presence will be less onerous.

DEAR ABBY: We welcomed new neighbors and allowed them to use our garbage can until they got one, and gave them a bottle of wine and a housewarming card. We also offered to let them use our downstairs bathroom until the contractor finished theirs. No one else on the block did anything for them. Nothing.

They then invited a neighbor and his wife over for drinks and didn't invite us. My husband says I shouldn't be offended by this. I certainly would have had the neighbors who had welcomed me over first. What do you think? -- SNUBBED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SNUBBED: I think you and your husband are more than neighborly. I also think you are blessed with common sense, something your new neighbors may lack. My advice is to let this unfortunate incident slide without holding a grudge. Take the high road and move on. Nothing positive will come of allowing this to fester. Whether the couple is worth knowing better will become apparent with time.

DEAR ABBY: My grandma, who is in her 80s, had a stroke recently. She has trouble swallowing and speaking, so she's in a rehab facility 20 miles from her home, where she is doing strengthening exercises. She tires out from just walking around her room, so it's not yet clear if she will become a permanent resident or discharged with home health nurses. We are distraught over this.

My husband and I were originally planning to visit her this summer -- our annual vacation -- for a few days. She lives 12 hours from us. I was going to ask her if we were welcome, but she had the stroke before I could. I'd like to ask her if she'd mind if we still visit and, if it's OK with her, stay in her house, so I can visit her at the facility if she hasn't been discharged.

My mother thinks this is a bad idea. We have a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old, and Mom thinks they would be too much for Grandma. Abby, I don't want my grandma to die before I get to see her again. We haven't seen her in four years. But after talking with Mom, I'm now hesitant to ask. The thought of missing a chance to see her one last time hurts my heart. What should we do? -- MISS HER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISS: Listen to your mother because what she's saying makes sense. If your grandmother is discharged with home nursing care, there won't be enough room for your family. Two small, active children may, indeed, be more than she can deal with in her weakened condition. Because it's important for you to see your grandmother, make other lodging arrangements for your family when you're in town, and keep your visits with her short and as stress-free as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 25 years, some good and some bad. The hardest thing for me is that when my husband is upset with me, he stops talking to me. If I ask if something's wrong, he won't answer or says "nothing" is wrong. I have explained repeatedly how upsetting this is because I never know what I did, and then, sure enough, I do it again.

He says he doesn't want to say anything hurtful, but can't he tell me why he's upset and not be hurtful? He also accuses me of creating drama when I get upset because I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, when I do it again, he's like, "We discussed this."

I have tried not talking until he's ready, but, again, there is no resolution, and I'm getting very resentful that the ball is always in his court. How do I handle this? -- EXHAUSTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EXHAUSTED: An effective way to handle this would be for you to insist the two of you discuss with a licensed marriage therapist how to more effectively communicate. The ball is always in your husband's court because he has maneuvered it to be, and it isn't playing fair. In fact, it is emotional abuse. Do not expect him to like the suggestion, and don't be surprised if he refuses to go. If that happens, you should go anyway. His behavior is passive-aggressive.

DEAR ABBY: My physician husband recently had a total hip replacement. (Orthopedics is not his specialty.) I'm a board-certified registered nurse with 40 years of experience who used to work inpatient orthopedics. He refuses to follow the surgeon's directions or mine, which are the same. He believes he knows more than all of us combined. However, when the home health nurse and physical therapist came, he accepted everything they told him. When I told him he doesn't respect my professional opinion, he didn't respond. Then I told him he'd insulted my integrity, and he blew up and accused me of being crazy.

History will soon repeat itself because he has to have his other hip done in a few months. I am to the point of letting the chips fall where they may and letting his outcomes (good or bad) be his sole responsibility. However, this is difficult to do as a wife and nurse. Plus, I will have to live with the fallout of any suboptimal outcomes. Your advice? -- HIP SERVICE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HIP SERVICE: Whether caused by a painful recovery or the drugs he has been prescribed, your husband's behavior is self-defeating. Because he ignores your and his surgeon's advice, you have no choice but to let the chips fall where they may. You can suggest and warn until you're hoarse, and your husband will continue to tune you out. The person who will have to live with the consequences is your noncompliant husband.

Allow me to offer a suggestion: Hire a nurse to tend to him after the second hip replacement and stay safely out of the line of fire. The peace of mind will be worth the money.

DEAR ABBY: I have a niece who is bipolar. She was put into rehab at the age of 20 and has been clean and sober for the last three years. We have always been close, but on a family visit, she asked my opinion about a job choice, and I was honest with her. Because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she is extremely distant now. I am no longer "Auntie." She calls me by my first name only. Weekly calls have ceased.

I have championed my niece, supported her emotionally when she had problems and helped her out financially. Her mother says if you don't agree with her (even though she solicits your opinion), you are then "against" her. What's the best way to reach out to her? Due to extreme drug abuse for many years, she seems emotionally stuck at age 14. -- AUNTIE NO MORE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AUNTIE: With the clear understanding that I am not a psychotherapist, may I point out that some individuals who suffer from mental illness find it necessary to place people into two categories: friends and enemies. Disagreeing with your niece has landed you in the latter. Her mother has explained this to you, so try not to take it personally.

I don't think this troubled young woman will be receptive to a reconciliation until she has found another target. In the meantime, remain open, stay cordial and fill your life with activities that bring you joy rather than pain. I'm sure her mother will update you on your niece's progress.