DEAR ABBY: Like many people in this country, my family has an aversion to throwing things out that might still be useful. Rather than load up the van and head to Goodwill, they give the stuff to me -- partially used bottles of shampoo, a half-used pack of wipes, hair conditioner that smells too awful for them to use but they're sure I'll like, unwanted change purses and jewelry I would never wear, even puzzles with missing or dog-chewed pieces. They have also tried to offload old sewing machines, DVDs they won't watch and craft supplies for projects I don't enjoy.

Once, a sister tried to give me an old toaster oven filled with burnt breadcrumbs. (I have celiac disease.) Another time, Dad gave me a gift certificate for an oil change my mother won in a raffle after telling me he and another sister won't go to that auto shop because they damaged my sister's engine and did a lousy job working on my parents' car!

It's not like I'm so poor I can't afford my own toaster oven or wipes, but if I turn down their unwanted items, as politely as I can, they become defensive with me. So I usually just say thanks and either toss the stuff in the trash or load it into my van and take it to Goodwill myself. But I'm tired of feeling like the family dump, and wish I could find a way to get it through their lovingly muddled heads that I'd rather not be "gifted" with their junk. Any thoughts? -- THANKS BUT NO THANKS IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR T.B.N.T.: The next time your parents and siblings call to tell you they're coming over with more discards, tell them you know they mean well, but NO. And keep repeating it until they finally get through their lovingly muddled heads that you mean it.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I'm in a tough situation and not sure what to do. I was recently told by a family member that my 24-year-old son is gay. (He hasn't given me any indication that he is, other than not dating anyone for several years.) He had a bad experience with a girl in his teens and I assumed that was why he hasn't dated.

My question for you is, should I confront him about it or wait until he tells me? I have come to terms with the possibility and will stand by him no matter what. I am also concerned that his father (we are divorced) will disown him if he finds out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: It would be interesting to know why this relative thinks your son is gay. Did your son tell the relative? I don't think you should "confront" your son. In time his sexual orientation will become apparent whether he's gay, straight, bi, asexual, etc. It should be his choice to reveal it -- or not.

P.S. If he is gay, your ex-husband's inability to accept his son, regardless of his sexual orientation, may be the reason he hasn't spoken up.

DEAR ABBY: I have been blessed with a gorgeous 4-year-old daughter who is (even more importantly) smart, funny and kind, but I have an issue. Every time we go anywhere or meet someone new, the person feels the need to comment on her beauty. We receive comments like, "Just wait till she's older. Boys will be all over her!" This happens not only with older distant relatives and my in-laws, but also random people at the grocery store.

I understand they are trying to pay a compliment, but I find it disturbing that they are thinking about my little girl in this way. I'm tired of it, but I'm not sure of the appropriate response when people make those comments. -- PROTECTIVE MOMMA

DEAR PROTECTIVE: Talk privately with the relatives and tell them you don't want them filling her head with that nonsense before she's even in elementary school. Tell them you prefer she be praised instead for her brains, her manners and her niceness, which will reinforce the qualities you are trying to instill in your daughter. And when a stranger does it at the grocery store, immediately interject with examples of her more important internal qualities.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a guy who was in a nasty divorce and custody battle. He gained primary custody, but his ex wouldn't stop taking him to court. She was very unstable.

After four years of being patient, it became frustrating. One day I pointed out that the situation was taking up all his time and energy, and I wasn't getting the attention I needed. I sarcastically suggested maybe he should shift his full attention to the situation, and we should take a break.

He agreed (via text) that he had a lot going on, then immediately stopped communicating with me. I texted, called, sent cards and received no replies. It has been a year, and I feel like I can't move on without closure or at least a conversation. I have tried dating at the suggestion of friends, but it doesn't work because I still love him. What steps can I take to move on? -- FROZEN IN PLACE IN ALABAMA

DEAR FROZEN: Painful as it may be, accept it. Give yourself a specific period in which to mourn and tell yourself the man is dead. (The romance certainly is, and you have my sympathy for the loss.) Wear black, toss out any mementos, and get together with a few close friends for a memorial for what might have been. Then "bury" him with as many tears as necessary and look resolutely ahead. (I did this once many years ago, and it worked.)

DEAR ABBY: Every time we are in a restaurant, my cousin wants a bite of everything on everyone's plate. I don't know how to say no, but being a health care worker, I know it's not safe to do all that sharing. How can I say no? She's leaning over my plate with her mouth open! Thank you for any ideas. -- BEACH BABE IN FLORIDA

DEAR BABE: You have a right to refuse. But if you can't muster the word "no," place a forkful of whatever your cousin is ogling on your butter plate and hand it to her. That way her dirty fork won't contaminate your food, and you won't have to spoon-feed her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a lesbian. There's a girl I have liked for a little over a month. We are like best friends. When I told her I was attracted to her, she basically friend-zoned me, which hurt. Then she told a mutual friend she was considering being "friends with benefits" with me, and I got excited. Well, she changed her mind again because she was afraid it would be awkward.

I still have a crush on her, but I value our friendship. We spend so much time together, and things are easy but also challenging because I just want to grab her and kiss her. We snuggle all the time, and she gives me hugs every day (we live in the same dormitory). I want to make out with her. These mixed signals are killing me. What do I do? -- DAZED & CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAZED: You're right. This young woman is giving you mixed signals. That's why you should put her firmly in your friend zone. Stop the hugging and snuggling and move on, so you can find someone who reciprocates your feelings. (Absence has been known to make the heart grow fonder.) Perhaps when she realizes that you are capable of moving on, her feelings for you will change. However, if they don't, you will have lost nothing but more heartache.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my dear mother-in-law passed away. While writing her obituary, it was a challenge to hunt down accurate dates and family information. Many family members chimed in with conflicting information. To prevent this confusion in the future, would it be tactless to ask relatives for some of this information ahead of time? If so, how would you go about writing something on this topic without offending someone? -- WONDERING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WONDERING: What you have in mind is practical. If you have a relationship with these relatives, why not bring some of these questions up in normal conversation? (I assume you know where they were born.) To ask when people graduated from high school or college isn't intrusive. What year someone was married isn't classified information either. If you simply start talking, you may find out much of the information you are after.

P.S. If your relatives are willing to make the effort to write down their own stories, it could be compiled into a precious family history.

DEAR ABBY: Our family just got back from a perfect vacation, which included, in addition to my husband and me, my three adult sons, their wives, two grandchildren and my mom. My husband and I paid to rent a house, and we all chipped in for food.

When we returned, my sister called and said she was jealous, and she wants to be included next time. I love my sister, but that would very much change the dynamics of our vacation. Is it selfish to not want to include her? Is there anything I can say or do to ease the hurt? Due to COVID, we are no longer hosting holidays or other celebrations as we normally do. -- BIG FAMILY UP NORTH

DEAR BIG FAMILY: Your sister has a right to her feelings. However, that does not obligate you to change your family vacation plans to suit her. Because you appear to have trouble saying no, tell her you will think about it, which is true and doesn't obligate you.