life

Half-Sister Obsesses Over Newfound Brother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my husband, "Lee," met his long-lost sister, his father's daughter from a previous marriage. Lee's father passed away when he was 6; he is now 30.

Since he and his four siblings met their half-sister, she has become obsessive over him. She calls and keeps him on the phone for hours, three or four times a week. I didn't mind at first, but it has gotten out of control, and she constantly texts him.

If Lee doesn't respond, she texts him asking if he's angry. She expresses how "in love" she is with him and how happy she is to have met him. (She doesn't say these things to the others.) When I recently expressed my concern, he got offended.

How should I cope with this? She also says unflattering things about me to him and tries to turn him against me. I know, because I heard the whole conversation. -- PUT OFF IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PUT OFF: Your husband may be flattered by the attention he's receiving from this newfound sibling, but I agree that what she's doing seems excessive. Your husband, however, is playing into it by being receptive and constantly available for these extended conversations and texts.

While you can't control who he talks to, you can express that you feel her behavior is out of line, you are concerned that she's trying to undermine your marriage, and suggest it may be time to step on the brakes with Sissy.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Wife Needs Help Making Small Talk at Husband's Reunion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am attending my hubby's 50th class reunion, where I will not know a soul. Can you give me suggestions on topics to talk about? We grew up in different areas of the country. We live on a small farm in the countryside and have kids and grandkids. Thank you. -- PREPPING FOR A GOOD TIME

DEAR PREPPING: Go and enjoy yourself. Don't be nervous. Bring pictures of your farm, your children and the grandkids. View photos of your husband's classmates' families and say something complimentary. ("Aren't they adorable?") Ask what your husband was like when he was their classmate. People love to talk, so be a good listener. Discuss things that interest you and inquire about their interests and activities. The only topics to avoid are religion and politics.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Return to Dating Brings Embarrassment of Riches

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2021 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At 67, I'm an attractive woman. I always have been, but I have been out of the dating scene for several years. Now two men are interested in me.

One is someone I know from work. I have known him a year. He told me he always had a crush but was afraid to make a move. The second guy is someone I just met on a dating site. I haven't had a problem like this for 20 years! What to do? -- DILEMMA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DILEMMA: You don't have to make an immediate choice. Keep things casual and get to know them both better, assuming you haven't had a personal relationship with your co-worker. Take your time, let the relationships evolve. The answers will become apparent, and you won't have to ask me what (if anything) to do.

Love & DatingAging
life

Boyfriend Makes a Grab for Woman's Child Tax Credit

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My daughter received her tax refund recently. It amounted to $8,700. Approximately $5,000 is for overpaying on taxes. Approximately $3,000 is the child tax credit she receives for her two children. Her boyfriend, the father of the two boys, thinks he's entitled to some of her money.

Now, I understand the child tax credit is given for financial help for the children. My daughter and I agree that the $5,000 is hers exclusively as she is the one who paid those taxes. As far as the child tax credit is concerned, her boyfriend thinks that he should be entitled to at least half of that because he's the father. We think because she is the one paying for the year's health insurance, doctor copays, prescriptions and most of the diapers, wipes, pullups and other incidentals, it should all be hers.

Don't get me wrong. Her boyfriend does contribute to the household and is a great guy. They split most of the bills. After five years, this is their first big disagreement.

He chooses to get money during the year, so of course he gets a lower tax refund at the end of the year. FYI, she pays less for the baby supplies because she works at a well-known warehouse. He contributes when they are low by picking some up at the grocery store. What advice do you have? -- MONEY WOES IN THE EAST

DEAR MONEY WOES: Watch your daughter's "great" boyfriend closely because his stance is troubling. Because he is the father (!) doesn't mean he has a right to any portion of the child tax credit. If he needs reimbursement for the items he picks up for his children at the grocery store, your daughter should repay him out of her salary, not by forking over half of her tax credit. That money is intended for the kids, not for any one parent. If things aren't clear enough, consider putting the tax credit money in a separate account.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Brother Dies Without Apologizing for Childhood Abuse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Frank" passed away last month. He didn't have any underlying medical conditions, so it was a shock. My problem is, when I was 9 and he was 14, he used to molest me while my mother was working.

For years, I never told anyone, but when I was 40, I told my mom and big brother. Both of them believed me. For the past five years, I had been there for Frank and his daughter, but I was always waiting for an apology from him that never came. Now it's all I dwell on. How can I move past this and try to remember the good times? -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your religious adviser may be able to help you with that. However, if you are not religious, it may take some sessions with a licensed mental health professional. Your niece, Frank's daughter, should be asked if her father ever did anything that made her uncomfortable because, if he did, she may need professional help.

Family & ParentingDeathAbuse
life

Wife Discovers Man's Secret Interest in Escorts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been looking at escorts in the local area. I know he has watched porn, but that never bothered me. When I confronted him about seeing his search for escorts, he said he just clicked on a link that popped up on a porn site. (I have seen them, so I know it can happen.)

However, I now know he created another email address and joined an escort review site. I can't say anything to him because I snooped on his phone. I'm heartbroken and want to believe him, but this is too much. Please help me. -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: First things first. Call your doctor and make an appointment to be checked for STDs. Next, because you know your husband hasn't been truthful, do more "snooping." Learn everything you can about your family finances (if you don't already know) -- the debts and assets, credit card expenses, bank account numbers, etc.

Once you have that information and there will be no surprises, tell your husband you checked his phone and why you felt the need to do it. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty. Ask him what he is getting from escorts that he isn't getting from you, and if the only answer he can come up with is "variety," talk to a lawyer because your exclusive marital relationship is history.

Marriage & DivorceSexMoneyHealth & Safety
life

Dad Asks That Estranged Son Not Be Told of His Death

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our son "Leo," 24, has bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. He is single, lives 2,000 miles from us and is homeless. He refuses treatment.

I see him about every three months when I go and find him. His relationship with his dad, my husband, is not good. My husband has made many approaches to Leo, but our son rejects him.

My husband told me that when he dies, I should not say anything to Leo, and he wants me to agree on that. I agreed, but I think that is too hard. Do you think my husband is right on that request? -- PROBLEM FAMILY IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR PROBLEM FAMILY: Yes, I do. Your husband is being realistic, having made repeated approaches to Leo and being rejected. When he's gone, your son won't miss him, so please respect your husband's wishes if it will bring him peace of mind.

Family & ParentingMental HealthDeath
life

Drunken Friends Are Asked To Leave Dinner

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2021 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I hosted a dinner party at my home and invited three longtime friends. They had been drinking before they came over and showed up drunk. My husband and I were highly offended and told them to leave. I'm extremely upset about this because I found it very disrespectful. How should I resolve the issue? -- INCONSIDERATE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR INCONSIDERATE: You and your husband were certainly within your rights to react as you did. Cross your fingers that your friends were able to return safely to their homes in the condition they were in.

How you should resolve the issue depends upon whether this is the only time it happened. If they aren't habitual problem drinkers and it was a one-time thing, be forgiving when they call to apologize. However, if you don't hear from them, there will be nothing to resolve.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors

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