DEAR ABBY: We get our children and grandchildren together twice a year. Our oldest daughter is divorced and, unfortunately, has a significant other the rest of our family cannot stand. He's an arrogant, competitive know-it-all.

We have been around him only twice -- the last two times the family got together. The second time was a disaster for the rest of us. Should we tell her we don't want to invite him this year, and how do we say it? Or should we not tell her? -- TENTATIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TENTATIVE: Talk to your daughter about this. When you do, have handy a list of the ways he offended your family members at the gathering. Her significant other may be so self-centered he doesn't realize he's being obnoxious.

Ask her to ask him to dial back his need to compete, impress, cover for his own insecurity -- whatever drives him. Then give him one more chance. If that fails, do not invite him again, and tell her why. You can always see your daughter separately, I assume, and so can her siblings.

DEAR ABBY: I had a relationship with a wonderful woman for almost six years. During the course of our relationship, I purchased a rather expensive precious stone -- exactly what she wanted -- with the intent of giving it to her as a promise ring. (Neither of us are fans of the institution of marriage.) We have since gone our separate ways, but we still communicate.

Because it was purchased for her, I am tempted to give her the stone. At the same time, I have entertained the notion of keeping it and giving it to my future life partner, should I meet someone I care for that deeply. Your guidance would be greatly appreciated. -- ROMANCING THE STONE

DEAR ROMANCING: Promise rings symbolize the promise of a proposal of marriage. In the case of your former girlfriend, it didn't pan out. Because the two of you still communicate, why not mention to her that you have the stone and ask if she would like to have it. If she says no, you can always offer it to someone else, although I can't promise the lady will be eager to receive a souvenir of a failed relationship.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine has a 70-pound dog that behaves badly. When I visit her, it sprints out of the front door, barking, and jumps on my car. It has left 3 1/2-inch-long deep scratches on two of my vehicles. She yells at it, and eventually the dog stops, but not before jumping on me and leaving me muddied and snagged.

This friend is due to have a baby, and I am sure she will be inviting me over to meet the baby soon. How can I avoid further damage to my car and clothing without damaging my friendship? -- ASSAULTED IN AUSTIN

DEAR ASSAULTED: The obvious answer is to find the courage to tell your friend you are willing to visit only if she confines her dog so it won't cause further damage to you and your property. And while you are at it, mention that you are concerned about her baby's safety. Her dog's lack of discipline poses a distinct danger to her defenseless and vulnerable little one.

DEAR ABBY: I just got engaged, and I couldn't be happier. But my fiance is referred to by the entire town as the "bad guy" because of his past. He's changed a lot, and I really want this to work out, but people come to me and say he's not marriage material, and they try to make us break up (one of his exes in particular).

He told me about his past, and I don't judge him for it because everyone has a past. He really wants to get married. How can we have a wedding without everyone knowing about it, especially our family? -- MARRIAGE-BOUND IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR MARRIAGE-BOUND: If the whole town -- including your family -- thinks that marrying your fiance is a bad idea, it may be time to hit the pause button. Marriage is something you want to do only once. The chances of it being successful will be better if you don't go rushing off to the altar.

Make your engagement long enough that your fiance has time to prove to your parents and the community that he is a changed man. No one can "make" you break up, but it would be in your interest to listen to those exes (including the one in particular) and compare what each has to say. If the stories they each tell are similar, it may be your Mr. Right is the wrong man for you.

DEAR ABBY: My confident 17-year-old daughter had an uncomfortable experience today, and when she shared it, I didn't have answers for her. She was waiting outside a take-out place when she was approached by a grandfatherly man. He started chatting with her about her shoes, but proceeded to stare at her legs. He then loudly announced, "I may be 80 years old, but I can appreciate a great pair of legs!"

She understands that there are generational differences and that he may have intended it as a compliment, but the blatant staring made her feel objectified, uncomfortable and unsafe. It also made her question her (very appropriate for a teenager) outfit.

What should we have said to her? She was disgusted and upset, but my husband and I had no words of wisdom. -- MOM WITHOUT ANSWERS

DEAR MOM: You should have thanked your daughter for telling you and validated her feelings about the incident because her instincts were 100% accurate. The individual who harassed her -- and that is what it was -- was out of line and extremely inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years, whom I love dearly, has started singing all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. If he's not on the phone or involved in a TV show or conversation (and sometimes when he is), he's singing the same few songs over and over, and not well. I don't feel I have a right to ask him to stop. What should I do? -- KARAOKE ALL DAY

DEAR KARAOKE: Tell your husband (sweetly) it's time to expand his repertoire because his playlist is getting repetitive. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: My sister is a pathological liar who causes rifts between family members. She tries to turn us against each other. We must constantly check with each other to find out if what she has said about each of us is true. We can't understand why she's this way. None of the rest of us is. When I have asked her, "Why are you lying about me, us, etc.?" she tells me, "I did not lie." I think she believes her lies.

We have all encouraged her to seek therapy, but she denies that she has a problem. We are at a loss at how to help her. We want a good relationship with her, but we don't know how at this point. Should we distance ourselves from her? -- SIB TROUBLE IN ALABAMA

DEAR SIB TROUBLE: You have two ways to go in dealing with your sister. Either accept that she's disturbed and give little credence to anything she says that's of a divisive nature, or do as you are inclined and distance yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my mother makes me go to church every Sunday. I don't like going. I believe in God, but I feel awkward when people ask me about it. My mother makes everything bad until she gets her way. I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't listen to me. I don't know what to do. -- DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: Your mother isn't listening to you because she is convinced that she is doing the right thing for you. Not knowing how fervent she is about her church and her religion, it's hard to predict how she would react if you tried to turn this into less of a power struggle and more of an adult conversation.

As it stands, you are a minor, and as long as you live under her roof, she makes the rules. When you are 18 and can live on your own, the decision of whether you want to continue going to church every Sunday will be yours. This may seem hard, but if your mother is unwilling to talk this through with you, you will have to be patient.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my dear mother-in-law two years ago. She was a wonderful person, and I miss her. However, since her death, my in-laws have gone into overdrive ordering and gifting the family with items imprinted with her picture or with "in memory of" on them. There are plaques on chairs, memory gardens, pictures everywhere, T-shirts with her likeness, bumper stickers and items of jewelry. At what point do you conclude that this is unhealthy and enough is enough? Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a shrine dedicated to her. -- SENSITIVE SITUATION

DEAR SENSITIVE: Your in-laws are grieving. I'm not sure it would be helpful to tell them that what they are doing is inappropriate. It would be kinder to quietly dispose of the unwanted items as you would any other gift you can't use.