DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and are raising four children. One is from my previous relationship, one is from her previous relationship and two are ours. We both have joint custody. My son goes to school near his mom. My wife's son goes to school where we live. They are 9 and 8.

There's a lot of tension between us because my stepson's father isn't the greatest parent. He never comes to school events or sporting events, so he misses half of everything. I regularly attend my son's events, which are a couple of hours away and take time away from my stepson. I put my 9-year-old first because he's my firstborn, and I have him less. My wife disagrees with this, and we fight about it constantly. I believe I am doing the right thing. Advice, please. -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: I'm sorry your wife's son's father hasn't stepped up to the plate. But please do not allow your wife to interfere with your relationship with your son. You are doing the right thing by showing an interest in what he's doing and supporting him emotionally.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married nine years. My husband doesn't allow me to leave the house without him. He makes sure I don't have a car or access to the one we have. He tells me he doesn't mean anything by it, but if I try to take a walk alone, he is right on my heels.

If I go anywhere with my sister or a friend, I must wait until he is gone. If he gets home before I do, he's sitting on the porch waiting for me. He is not physically abusive, but I feel like a prisoner. I have told him several times how it makes me feel, but he doesn't seem to get it. I really need some advice. -- TRAPPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR TRAPPED: Your husband doesn't get it because he doesn't want to. What he is doing is NOT a demonstration of love or concern for your safety. It's an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and discuss this with someone there because what's happening could escalate into abuse. The toll-free phone number is: (800) 799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: I love my grown children and grandchildren, but I hate it when they come "home" for a week or more. My house gets turned upside down and inside out, and I end up losing my temper. Then I feel like an awful mother. I suggested we all meet somewhere else, but it didn't go over well. Help! -- INVADED IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR INVADED: Your suggestion may not have gone over well with your children and grandchildren, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't "suggest" it again. And when you do, make sure they understand you are saying it because when they visit they leave your home in disarray, which creates more work for you than you are comfortable doing. Unless they are willing to make sure your home is as neat when they leave as when they arrived, enough is enough.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years. During that time, I have been in two serious relationships. I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex. It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

I'd like to believe that sex is something people who are already emotionally intimate can share. But by the third date, sex is not only expected but considered "normal." When I say that it's too soon for me, I'm not called back for another date. If I do go forward with sex, I feel compromised and cheapened when the "relationship" ends. These men didn't take the time to actually know me.

Please understand. I'm mature enough to handle this, but I'm deterred from dating because of it. Are there any men out there who want a connection that isn't just physical? -- NOT CONNECTING IN MISSOURI

DEAR NOT CONNECTING: Yes, there are. But in our hookup culture, it may take time to find them. I agree that we live in a sex-obsessed society, as we are constantly reminded in print, television, film and online media. Many men in your age group avoid emotional intimacy because they have been divorced and don't want to quickly jump back into a committed relationship.

It's possible you might have better luck if you join activity groups in which the members have common interests besides running right off to the bedroom. You should never allow yourself to be coerced into doing anything you don't feel ready for. Unlike what some people may believe, sex does not automatically go with the dinner.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years and were legally married a year ago. Our wedding was last-minute because my mother asked us to move the date up and make it happen fast. We obliged because she was very sick at the time, and we put the wedding together in nine days. The ceremony was beautiful. My mother passed away days later. It is obvious to me now that she knew she was terminal; however, I did not.

Since the date of her death is so close to our anniversary, it's a very emotional and hard time for me. I would prefer to celebrate on a different day, perhaps the anniversary of our first date. My husband tells me that while he understands it's hard for me, the date of our legal ceremony is important to him and worthy of celebration. I just don't feel much like celebrating. Although I know it's not fair to him, all I want to do is mourn the loss of my mother. How should I handle this? -- BITTERSWEET MEMORIES IN FLORIDA

DEAR BITTERSWEET: A compromise is in order. Explain again to your husband that because you lost your mother only a year ago, and this will be the first anniversary after her death, you would prefer to either forgo a celebration this year or celebrate on a different date. Assure him that your sadness will lessen eventually, and when it does, you will be fine celebrating your wedding anniversary with him in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a receptionist in a small medical office. I love my job, but I cannot tolerate when my co-workers make fun of our patients. Sometimes it happens while the patients are still in the exam rooms, maybe within earshot. Even the doctor contributes to this crudeness.

Some examples: "Did you see the size of that guy's nose?" or, "What's with the color of her hair?" or, "He smells like he hasn't had a bath in weeks." This goes on throughout the day every day. Is there anything I can do or say to change this mindset? We have great patients. -- AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

DEAR AT A LOSS: The person who's responsible for the lack of respect for the patients is your employer, the doctor. If this is happening sometimes within earshot of the patients, I am, frankly, shocked that he or she has a medical practice.

There is nothing you can do to change the culture in that environment. Because it upsets you -- and I can certainly see why it would -- you might be happier working for another doctor.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Tiffany" is 12. Her best friend, "Wendy," lives down the block. We are good friends with her parents.

How do I put this: Wendy is a thief. She has no impulse control. When she comes over, she helps herself to whatever is lying around, mostly candy and trinkets. For this reason, we no longer allow friends into our children's rooms.

Recently, another item went missing, and my daughter spotted it at Wendy's house. I told her she should say something and take it back, but she is shy. I want to say something to the parents, but I'm afraid it will ruin our friendship. I don't think the mother knows her daughter does these things. Any ideas? -- STICKY FINGERS

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: If the shoe was on the other foot and your daughter was stealing things from her friends' homes, wouldn't you want to know what was going on so you could deal with it? Talk to Wendy's mother! Tell her you don't want to spoil a friendship you treasure, but Wendy has a problem she needs to know about. If you ignore it, the problem will only escalate.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle an argument between my husband and me? One of us thinks it's OK to dry our everyday dishes with the same dish towel we clean our dog's bowl with. The bowl is first rinsed with soap and water then wiped with the dish towel. One of us thinks it's disgusting. The other disagrees. Would you wash your dishes with said towel? -- CURIOUS IN KETTERING, OHIO

DEAR CURIOUS: Although the dish may be perfectly clean after being washed with soap and water, because of the "ick" factor, I sure wouldn't.