DEAR ABBY: I've been in a long-distance relationship for 2 1/2 years. We are now engaged, but haven't set a date for our wedding.

We are both in the military, and we have maintained this relationship well. But there was a time before we dated that I was dating someone else. I ended that relationship, but haven't healed from it because I see him at work often, and I still have feelings for him.

He lives in my neighborhood, and I enjoy talking to him. I like the attention he gives me, and I'm attracted to him. I blame the geographical distance from my fiance for this. I want someone close, and I would love for it to be the person I am engaged to, but although I try to abstain from this other person, I find myself drawn to him. -- CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO

DEAR CAUGHT: You say you have been together with your absent fiance for 2 1/2 years, but are still carrying on an emotional affair with the man you broke up with. When you say you are "trying to abstain" from this person, clearly you can't.

What is going on isn't fair to the man you are engaged to. If he knew, I'm sure he would agree. Do not chalk this up to "when I'm not with the man I love, I love the one I'm with." Be honest about what you really want, follow through, and you won't be writing me again years from now asking what to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hairstylist with a client who was referred to me by a mutual friend, "Rita," from high school. Rita is also a client, and we go back 20-plus years. The client, who's close friends with Rita, is picky and a terrible tipper.

She box colors her hair at home, but comes to me for her haircuts. I offer her 10% off of her haircut for prebooking, so she gets a $35 service for $31.50. She usually tips me $3.50. She keeps asking me to sell her hair products at a wholesale cost, which I do for my family and for Rita, but no one else.

Cutting her hair is a chore, because she's never completely happy with the service and has asked to come back for free retouching. If she were anyone else, I'd part ways with her, but because of her close relationship with Rita, she sometimes comes to dinner with us on girls' nights and is involved in our group chats.

Is there a discreet way to end this business/client relationship without screwing up my friendship with my high school pal? I'm tired of dealing with her, but I don't know how to get out. -- CUTTING HER OUT

DEAR CUTTING: Handle this by telling Rita what you have written to me and explaining that the two of them may be friends, but you no longer want the woman as a client. Then sweetly tell the woman the next time she calls that your professional relationship doesn't seem to be a good fit because she has voiced dissatisfaction with your work. Then offer to refer her to someone else. Not every client is a good fit and vice versa. It's a fact of business life.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of 35 years recently accused me of exposing her and her mother to COVID. She told me she thinks I did it on purpose because I thought so little of them. This is not true!

I had been home for eight days and saw her on a Friday. The following Wednesday I felt sick, so I got tested. When my test the next Monday came back positive, I told her immediately. Since then she has blocked me and won't talk to me to figure out what happened. I don't even know if they got sick.

We have been good friends and helped each other often. I have done a lot for her, but she still refuses to talk to me. What should I do? -- BLOCKED BY COVID IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BLOCKED: When people are frightened, they sometimes act emotionally instead of rationally. A problem with COVID is that people can be infected, without symptoms, and spread the virus without becoming sick (yet) themselves. This is why mask-wearing and social-distancing are so important. From your description, this may be what happened in your case.

Give your friend time to cool off and continue trying to reach out to her. Then hope that in light of your long friendship, she'll calm down and you can reconnect.

DEAR ABBY: My ex and I were together 17 years. He was a cheater, a liar, and any other way a horrible husband can be described. I divorced him six years ago.

My problem is a few of our kids think he's a wonderful guy. The older one (25) lived with him until a few months ago. I don't know how to make her understand how horrible he is. I think if she stepped back for a while, she would see it, but she (and several of his other kids) have been completely brainwashed.

She's very quick to ask a question, but when I respond in a way she feels is negative about her dad, she suddenly has to hang up or needs to go do something. I'm lost trying to make her see how their part of the family looks like a cult to everyone else in the family. -- KNOWS THE TRUTH IN OHIO

DEAR KNOWS: Trying to reason with your daughter is a waste of time. Trying to "deprogram" your children from the "cult" of loving their father isn't working, so quit trying. By persisting, you will only drive a wedge between you. As you stated, once they have stepped back, they may begin to see the light without help from you. Let it happen on its own.

DEAR ABBY: My ex and I were together 17 years. He was a cheater, a liar, and any other way a horrible husband can be described. I divorced him six years ago.

My problem is a few of our kids think he's a wonderful guy. The older one (25) lived with him until a few months ago. I don't know how to make her understand how horrible he is. I think if she stepped back for a while, she would see it, but she (and several of his other kids) have been completely brainwashed.

She's very quick to ask a question, but when I respond in a way she feels is negative about her dad, she suddenly has to hang up or needs to go do something. I'm lost trying to make her see how their part of the family looks like a cult to everyone else in the family. -- KNOWS THE TRUTH IN OHIO

DEAR KNOWS: Trying to reason with your daughter is a waste of time. Trying to "deprogram" your children from the "cult" of loving their father isn't working, so quit trying. By persisting, you will only drive a wedge between you. As you stated, once they have stepped back, they may begin to see the light without help from you. Let it happen on its own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's dad, "Adam," is very mellow and can talk to anyone. His mom, "Eve," is friendly, but a little more reserved.

Early in their marriage, Adam was a drinker, and my mother-in-law has never forgiven him for the way he treated her during that time. She has always treated him disrespectfully, but as they get older, it's becoming worse.

She has hit Adam when we had people over because he didn't do what she told him to do. I told her to stop, and my husband told her she embarrassed him, but Eve forgets or doesn't care and continues to do it. She talks down to him constantly. If that's how she acts when people are around, I hate to think what happens behind closed doors.

When she hits him, Adam sits there expressionless and doesn't react. He's not the man he once was, and he is adored by many people. What can we do to help my FIL and make her stop doing this in front of her grandkids and company? Eve claims to be a Christian, but isn't acting like one. -- FRUSTRATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your father-in-law may have had a drinking problem years ago, but he has a different problem now. He is a victim of verbal and physical abuse. He may have tolerated it all these years out of guilt for what he put his wife through when he was drinking. He may also have become so beaten down that he can no longer protect himself.

He does need help. With your and his son's encouragement, he can receive it because there are programs available for male victims of domestic violence. Stop Abuse for Everyone (SAFE) is an organization that helps abused individuals of all ages, genders, races and sexual orientations. The website is stopabuseforeveryone.org.

DEAR ABBY: I met a nice friend. He's a widower whose wife has been gone for three years. My husband died 10 years ago.

He makes me laugh, something I haven't done in a while. I really like this guy, but he is still grieving. Some days he's good, but others he's a mess.

I want us to be in a relationship, and I think he could be "the one." We've only been courting for a month, but he has been pursuing me for a year. Should I give it more time, or should I move on with my life? I haven't been intimate with him, but he still makes me feel like a woman, which is something I've missed. -- THINKING IT'S HIM IN MARYLAND

DEAR THINKING: As you know, the process of grieving isn't a straight line. When a loved one dies, the survivors have good periods and ones that are less so. You are further along in this grieving process than your friend because his loss is more recent.

If a relationship (or more) is what you want, allow him more time to work through his feelings. However, if the bad spells don't become less frequent, suggest he talk with his doctor about joining a grief support group in which he can safely vent his feelings.