DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are both recently retired. Our 19-year-old daughter lives 100 miles away at college. My wife has an elderly mother. My problem is family and friends who text early in the morning.

When I was working, I had to get up at 4:30 a.m., so one of the biggest rewards of retirement is no alarm clock. My wife keeps her cellphone next to the bed because of our daughter and her mother, so putting it somewhere else is not an option.

When a text comes through, I automatically think the worst. My adrenaline kicks in, and I can't go back to sleep. One person even sent me birthday wishes at 3 a.m.

Why do people know not to call at those hours unless it's an emergency but still text? How can I gracefully let people know that even though they are up, I am enjoying the rewards of a well-earned retirement and would like to be able to sleep until I wake up on my own? -- LATE TO RISE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LATE: Notify your friends and family that unless there is an emergency, they should please not text before 10 a.m. because it wakes you up. Repeat that message as often as necessary. And do some research because there may be features on your wife's cellphone that would enable ONLY texts from your daughter and mother-in-law to come through, while you blissfully slumber.

DEAR ABBY: When my parents were in their 70s and began to lose friends, I remember their discussions about when it was generally acceptable for the surviving spouse to begin "keeping company" with another woman or man. The consensus seemed to be about one year, depending upon the circumstances of the deceased spouse's health prior to dying, the length of their marriage, etc.

Times have certainly changed, but I'm wondering: Is there still a recommended amount of time in which to begin dating without being disrespectful to the memory of the deceased partner or other family members? -- INQUIRING MIND IN MICHIGAN

DEAR INQUIRING MIND: Some widowed people are emotionally prepared for the loss of their spouse. Others, knocked completely off balance, need more time to recover, and some choose to remain mateless for the rest of their lives.

If you're asking what "others" might consider a suitable time for a widowed person to resume romantic relationships, and you plan to live your life according to other people's standards, then conform to the one-year rule. However, if you feel ready before that, then go for it. Everyone grieves the loss of a spouse differently.

DEAR ABBY: I recently celebrated a milestone birthday, for which my children gave a beautiful party. It was glorious. The problem is I inadvertently left two couples off the list. I'm trying to move beyond it, but it really bothers me. What can I say to them? What can I say to myself in dealing with this omission? Thank you for your insight. -- FEELING LIKE A DUMMY

DEAR FEELING: Be honest and say, "I don't know what happened. I must have had a brain glitch. If I have caused hurt feelings, I apologize. Please forgive me." (You aren't the first person this has happened to, and you won’t be the last, so forgive yourself.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been separated from my wife for about four years, at her request. It was justified. I wasn't the best husband. I wasn't abusive, but I was sad and feeling sorry for myself, like now.

I took her for granted and didn't show her the affection she deserved, but I have been going to therapy to work through issues that I had suppressed for decades that contributed to me being a bad husband. I wanted to try counseling with her, but she was done and refused, which I'm still saddened by.

As of today, she has a new boyfriend but still hasn't filed for divorce. I'm struggling because she and her new boyfriend hang out with people I grew up with. It's my own hang-up, I know, but it makes me feel embarrassed and like I can never hang out with my friends again. I get upset when I see posts on Facebook with her and her boyfriend that my family have added heart emojis or nice comments to.

Am I wrong for feeling betrayed in some way? Is my estranged wife belittling me by not filing for divorce and hanging out with my friends and a new boyfriend? Are my friends and family betraying me by being friends with them? -- BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR

DEAR BROKEN: Marriages end for many reasons. If I read your letter correctly, your wife left because she could no longer cope with someone who was in a chronic state of depression, not because you were a "bad husband" or had some flaw in your character.

You are doing your best to improve your mental state, and for that I applaud you. You should not feel embarrassed or humiliated because she has found a new relationship. Please discuss these feelings with your therapist so you can move beyond them.

It may also be time to take the initiative and file for the divorce. Quit avoiding your longtime friends. If you haven't started dating, some of them may know women to introduce you to. And because posts on the internet about your almost-ex and her boyfriend cause you pain, block or delete them rather than obsess.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has an 8-year-old daughter who lives with us part time. Sometimes I watch her when her dad is out running errands or working.

I'll be perfectly honest. There are times she acts like an entitled, spoiled brat. She's rude and disrespectful, and when I ask her to do something, she doesn't always do it. I can't take it anymore.

I know I'm not her biological mom, but I will not continue to tolerate her behavior and attitude. Although I have spoken with her dad about it, he has done nothing to correct the problem. Please tell me what to do. -- FRUSTRATED "STEPMOM"

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The next time you are asked to watch your boyfriend's daughter, decline and clearly state the reason why. Perhaps when it becomes inconvenient for him, he will assert himself, act like a parent and insist that his daughter behave respectfully. If not, you may have to rethink the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I have something to say about "Still Fun in the South" (Jan. 4) and her complaint that single middle-aged men only look for younger women, instead of women their age. I am a 53-year-old widower. I have a six-figure income. I'm smart, healthy, easygoing and have a good life with many hobbies and interests.

On multiple dating apps, I have swiped right on dozens of women my age. My main criteria were that they weren't fanatically religious or rabidly political. Would you like to know how many swipe rights I received in return? Not one! I feel middle-aged women are far more picky than their younger counterparts, which is why I'm currently in a relationship with a woman in her mid-30s. I don't pursue younger women -- they pursue me while the women around my age couldn't be bothered.

I realize my dating experience is anecdotal, and there are extenuating circumstances (COVID), but I don't like being lumped into a category and complained about as if middle-aged women share none of the responsibility.

I want to tell "Still Fun" that if she wants a relationship with someone her age, she needs to be a little less judgmental and picky and give those middle-aged men who actually show an interest a chance. She might find there's more to them than appears in a dating profile. -- SEASONED IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR SEASONED: The responders to "Still Fun's" letter pointed out the advantages AND disadvantages of dating people younger, older and the same age. But the common denominator for successful dating, according to those readers, is to emphasize what you are happy about in your life and describe your passions and interests. Someone who exudes confidence, a love of life and who doesn't come across as desperate for a permanent move-in partner can do very well.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is engaged to the most wonderful young man. We all got along very well, including his parents with us. After one discussion about politics, they realized we're on opposite sides of the spectrum and everything changed. They no longer call, or they hesitate to answer our calls.

We want to make things better because our daughter is deeply in love with their son, and she loves his parents. Could you please provide some suggestions? -- OOPS! IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OOPS!: I can try, but there are no guarantees. While you and the other set of parents may disagree about solutions to the problems in this country, on one subject you should all be unified. That subject is wanting the happiness of your children and grandchildren when you are blessed with them. For this reason, make an agreement to put aside political differences, never again discuss them and work cooperatively together toward your mutual goal. However, if they cannot agree, you and your husband must accept that there may be a strain in your relationship until time can heal the breach.