DEAR ABBY: I am a faithful male reader of your column. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years last year.

During our marriage, I had prostate cancer and decided to have the surgery to remove it. I was told by my doctor that there was a chance I would never again be intimate with my wife, and she was OK with it. Now that she's gone, I have grown close to her childhood best friend. I don't know whether a relationship is in the making, but I'm afraid once she finds out I'm unable to perform, the relationship will die.

I have tried every pill on the market, pump, etc. Is it possible to have a good relationship with someone without intercourse? Or do you think I'm doomed? -- GOING FORWARD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GOING: I do not think you are "doomed." If you are under the impression that all women your age (and younger) would reject you because you can no longer have sexual intercourse, allow me to reassure you. Many women would value warmth, affection, compatible ethics and morals and an intellectual equal to share their life with. So be honest, and you may be pleasantly surprised to discover that not only are you eligible, but that you are also in demand.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is really popular. We have been best friends since third grade, but when we started ninth grade, she really changed. She started hanging out with the "cool" kids and acting weird. She told me that because I was her friend, I had the automatic right to hang out with them.

I don't like to hang out with large groups of people because I'm afraid of big groups, but I still want to be friends with her. When I told her I'd think about it, she suddenly turned cold. I'm confused. I don't know what I should do. She was there for me since third grade, and I was there for her, and now she seems to be fading really fast -- six years of friendship just forgotten. Please give me some advice. -- FRIEND DRAMA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FRIEND DRAMA: Sometimes when a person says "I'll think about it," it comes across as a negative reply. Your friend's feelings may have been hurt because she interpreted it as a rejection. It would have been better if you had explained that you are uncomfortable in large groups and would prefer to see her one-on-one if she was willing. It may not be too late to get that message across to her. If the price of her company is that you will have to learn to be more social, you will then have to decide which is more important.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker who just built a house. When I asked her what she would like for a housewarming gift, she told me a nice wine carafe with a stopper. So that's exactly what I got her.

I recently found out she had a housewarming party, and I wasn't invited. I had asked her when it was going to be, and she didn't mention a word about it. Am I still obligated to give her the gift I got for her? Or should I write her off and give it to someone else? -- EXCLUDED IN CORPUS CHRISTI

DEAR EXCLUDED: Ouch! Write her off and regift it.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 17-year-old stepdaughter, "Amelia," recently became sexually active. She's in a "serious" relationship with the boy she had sex with. They have been together for six months, and from what she's told me, they both gave each other their virginity and protection was used. She has not disclosed this to her parents.

My husband and Amelia are very close, but she and her mom recently had a falling-out. Amelia pledged me to secrecy, and I immediately scheduled her to see an OB/GYN to get her on birth control.

My question is, should I tell my husband? I feel awful not telling him, but she has told me she doesn't want either of her parents to know. I'm grateful she comes to me for things like this, but eventually, it's going to come out when my husband sees the explanation of benefits from the insurance.

Amelia's mom and I have a solid relationship, and my husband and her mom also have a good one. I don't want to keep secrets regarding their daughter, but I don't want to betray my stepdaughter either. Please help. -- STRUGGLING STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: It isn't necessary to betray your stepdaughter's confidence to get her the help she needs. Go online to plannedparenthood.org, locate the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and share that information with Amelia. The organization provides a wide range of low-cost services to women and men, including family planning, STD diagnosis and treatment, and birth control on a confidential basis. You should also encourage Amelia to discuss this with her parents. She is behaving responsibly in wanting to protect herself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for decades, but 10 years ago she had, at the least, a texting affair with "Brad," a longtime friend of her brother's. Her brother, who knows about the affair, lives on a large tract of land owned by their father. Brad is there often to go hunting with her brother. My wife and I used to visit frequently, but now there is some concern that Brad might be there and we'll have a conflict, so we don't go as much. The affair was very upsetting to me, but my wife insisted we keep it quiet so her brother could continue his friendship with Brad.

Over the years, she has occasionally had online contact with Brad and even told him that she appreciated him talking with our son because our son has few friends. But now our son, who knows nothing about the affair or how bad it hurt me, has become friendly with Brad. It is very difficult hearing him talk about things they do together. Should we tell our son about the affair? -- STILL HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL HURT: Tempting as it may be to "out" your wife to your son, keep that information to yourself. I question the wisdom of Brad having been encouraged to cultivate a relationship with your son since this friendship is the fruit of that decision. Because you prefer not to hear what your son and Brad are doing, the next time it comes up, change the subject. He may or may not catch on and question you about the reason, but if he does, all you need to say is you'd rather not discuss it.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister moved in with me after she was placed on furlough because of the pandemic. I was resistant to her moving in because she likes to run the show, she has taken financial advantage of every family member, never admits she's wrong, and I was worried she'd take over. But I wanted to help her save money, so I said yes.

Now it's like I'm walking on eggshells. Every time I make a simple request, she accuses me of trying to act like her mother! After six months she asked if I'd prefer she move in with our parents, and I said yes. Now she's upset, and my parents are begging me to let her stay because they don't want to deal with her. I just want my peace back. What should I do? -- TIRED LITTLE SISTER

DEAR TIRED: I'll tell you what NOT to do. Do not relent. She asked if you'd prefer she move in with your parents, and you answered her honestly. Set a date for her to be out and stick to it. It will save your sanity.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a very hands-on person, recently retired, and I would like to do volunteer work. Sounds simple, right? Well, it seems no one needs volunteers. I have been looking for something, preferably ecological in nature, for two years. But whenever I inquire, I'm flooded with appeals for money. I was hoping you might give me some more ideas. -- BROKE BUT AVAILABLE

DEAR BROKE: You describe yourself as hands-on with an interest in things that are ecological. Because your efforts are not needed at the organizations you contacted, modify your search.

Would you be interested in helping to keep your neighborhood clean and free of trash, starting a vegetable garden to feed the needy, performing yard and gardening chores for elderly members of your community who can no longer do it themselves? How about teaching a class in ecology at a community center?

If that is not to your liking, would you deliver meals to shut-ins for a while? An animal hospital or pet rescue group may be able to use a willing hand in exercising the animals in their care. The options are there. Sample them until you find something to your liking.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something woman and have been with my partner for four years. I am the mother of three boys; he's a father of two girls. We live at my house.

Whenever his youngest comes to visit (she's 16), she insists on his every second of attention. He eats it up. It's so frustrating. They both ignore the fact that I am here. It's very upsetting and, I don't think it's normal. What about you? -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MIFFED: Have you discussed this with your partner? I don't know how often the girl comes to visit, but clearly she is starved for her father's attention. I don't think you should begrudge it unless her visits last for an extended period. Of course, your partner and his daughter should be respectful and not treat you like an old piece of furniture or a servant, but you might be less upset if you use some of that time to pursue interests or relationships of your own.