DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I have been together for four years. I have lost A LOT of people in my life, so I am used to death. She, on the other hand, didn't experience it until two years ago, when she lost her grandfather. The next year, her mother passed, and last year we lost a child -- her oldest -- my stepson.

Abby, she is so lost. She's no longer the same person she once was, and I totally understand that. I'm sad and depressed, too, but she's bad.

I love this woman like I have never loved any other. I can't picture life without her, but lately I have begun to wonder how it would affect me, her and the kids if I left. I'm not equipped to deal with someone else's depression on top of my own. I have been trying, but I'm finding myself getting more and more angry. What should I do? -- TORN IN THE EAST

DEAR TORN: You mentioned that you, too, suffer from depression. Are you receiving treatment for it? If you are seeing a psychologist (and being medicated), discuss this with the person who is working with you. You may need a change in your medication.

It isn't surprising that with so much loss all at once in her life, your fiancee is grieving and depressed. Frankly, while I might suggest she join a support group for help in coping with the loss of her child, she may also need help from a licensed mental health professional.

Although you are tempted, I don't think now is the time to abandon your fiancee and her children. Once she is stabilized, you may not want to leave at all.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-, almost 14-year-old daughter, "Gabbi," is a shining star of responsibility and being self-driven. She also likes nice things.

Gabbi has been babysitting for my sister for several months and has saved almost every penny, which amounts to hundreds of dollars. I'm proud of her discipline. However, I think she should start buying some of her "frivolous wants" herself.

I'm willing to buy her and my other children gifts when I can and on special occasions on my single income, but Gabbi often asks me for $10 here and $10 there. Because it's more than I can afford, I have to say no and see her silent disappointment. I know the simple answer is to not give in, but I want my daughter to learn that it's OK to spend a little on herself here and there. I'm not sure what words to use to convince her. Can you help? -- MOM ON A BUDGET

DEAR MOM: Your daughter is old enough for an honest conversation with her mom. Start by telling her how proud of her you are that she has shown how disciplined and responsible she is because those traits will serve her well in years to come.

Tell her you feel bad about disappointing her when you refuse her requests, but now that she's nearly 14, she's mature enough to understand you are the sole wage earner, money is tight and her frequent requests put a strain on the budget. Then point out that she has saved quite a bit of income from her babysitting, and she should direct some of it toward the items she's asking you for.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column from people upset that their guests don't help them after dinner. I am the opposite. I held onto a poem you printed years ago and had it perma-plaqued and posted on a kitchen cabinet.

For more than 20 years, my husband and I hosted a dinner every Sunday after church. I set the table for 10, but we often had more. When guests offered to help, I handed them a copy of that poem. Could you print it again for your readers? -- FAITHFUL FOLLOWER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR FOLLOWER: Gladly. That poem has been requested many times over the years. It resonates with hosts who are territorial about their space when entertaining. It is included in my booklet "Keepers," which is a collection of poems, essays and letters readers have told me they clipped and saved to reread until they were yellowed with age and fell apart. You were clever to perma-plaque yours. "Keepers" is both witty and philosophical. It covers many subjects including children, parenting, animals, aging, death, forgiveness and more. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

It's a quick and easy read as well as an inexpensive gift for newlyweds, pet lovers, new parents and anyone grieving or recovering from an illness.

STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN by Susan Sawyer

Please stay away from my kitchen

From my dishwashing, cooking and such;

You were kind to have offered to pitch in

But thanks, no, thank you so much!

Please don't think me ungracious

When I ask that you leave me alone;

For my kitchen's not any too spacious

And my routine is strictly my own.

Tell you what: You stay out of my kitchen

With its sodden, hot, lackluster lures --

When you're here, stay out of my kitchen

And I promise to stay out of yours!

DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery six months ago. I haven't had the dramatic transformation that some people experience. I've only lost about 50 pounds.

My problem is, friends who know I had the operation keep asking me how much weight I lost. I think it's a rude question and none of their business. I understand people are curious, especially since they haven't seen me in person because of COVID restrictions. How do I answer without saying, "None of your business"? -- LOSING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOSING: Your friends may just be curious and want to congratulate you on a big loss, and 50 pounds is one. That said, you do not have to answer every question that is asked. All you need to say is, "I'll let you guess once you see me again." If they ask for a hint, stick to your guns and change the subject. Then consider this: They may be gauging the success of your surgery for themselves.

DEAR READERS: Today's the day for the wearing of the green. A very happy St. Patrick's Day to you all! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same man for almost 30 years. We are not married and have no children together. He is 15 years older than I am.

We have been living in his house for the past seven years. I feel more like a renter than a partner in this relationship. I give him money every month, and we sleep in separate rooms. He wants to control everything in his house, including how to clean, cook or what we eat. I bite my lip to avoid starting a confrontation.

He is a lifelong bachelor, while I have two adult children and a couple of grandkids. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I work all day; he doesn't. I want to leave, but at the same time, I care and worry about him. What should I do? -- DISILLUSIONED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Quit biting your lip. Gather your courage and start an honest conversation with your housemate in which you tell him you have been unhappy with the status quo for a long time. Then outline the changes that would make you happy. If he isn't willing to compromise, then pack your bags and leave because you will know the feelings you have for him are not mutual.

DEAR ABBY: I've been "friends" with a woman for 25 years. For a time, we were best friends and did everything together, but we couldn't be more different. It caused many fights and disagreements over the years. She has deeply hurt and embarrassed me countless times. She ruined birthdays, damaged other relationships -- even ruined my bachelorette party. I don't know why I still bother with her. I think because of our deep roots, it's hard to let go.

At the moment, we haven't spoken in more than two months, and I know she's upset with me yet again. Should I reach out and mend the bond? Do I use this as a stepping stone to start moving on? I love her, but I know it really is a toxic relationship. -- OFF AGAIN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OFF AGAIN: Please reread the last sentence of your letter. Do not bother reaching out and trying to mend the breach in your relationship. You cannot fix what's wrong with this old friend, but you can move on. Her silence is giving you the opportunity. Take it!

DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married in a couple of weeks. Due to COVID-19, he and his fiancee are having to downsize the list of invitees. This includes asking those who have already RSVP'd "yes" and/or have already given them a wedding gift not to attend. Should they return the wedding gifts to those they are disinviting to the wedding? -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: Your son and his fiancee should at least offer to return the gifts. Considering the reason for the downsizing, some of the no-longer-invited guests may tell them to keep them along with their good wishes, while others will not.