DEAR ABBY: I am an out-and-proud lesbian who recently celebrated 10 years as a couple and three years of marriage to my wife. I worked as a professional nanny for many years, and I'm still extremely close to the first family I worked for. Although we have known each other for years, they still ask me not to mention my marriage when I'm around their kids. They refer to my wife as my "roommate." It's all I can do to bite my tongue. I have ignored this for too long.

I recently invited them over to see my new home. Because of their conservative views, I warned them in advance about the wedding photos I have displayed. I'm not ashamed of my life. I am extremely proud of myself and my wife. I am hurt and offended by their requests. I feel they only accept certain parts of me.

I realize it's unhealthy to continue this way, but I'm terrified of losing them. I'm usually a straightforward person. I feel open communication is important with everyone else in my life. But I have lost relationships before because, no matter how respectful I tried to be, honesty can sometimes be hard to hear. How can I be honest without angering this couple, and what's the best way to start this conversation? -- OUTSPOKEN NANNY

DEAR NANNY: If your former employers think they can censor their children's world to omit the fact that perfectly nice people, including one they love, are gay, they're dreaming. Kids today are very worldly. When the parents started calling your wife your roommate, you should have corrected them then and told them it was offensive and hurtful.

Invite them to your home and leave your wedding photos displayed. Why you are terrified that your relationship with them will end because you're living your authentic life mystifies me. If they can't handle the truth, you and your wife are better off without them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother has two kids, both of whom are now adults. The older one is in their second year of college; the younger one will graduate from high school this spring. We haven't missed a single birthday for either one. The only time we see them is when there's a birthday or it's Christmas (with a few exceptions, like the occasional funeral).

I think it's time to stop the annual birthday gifts. We're not particularly close, and I'm tired of the forced merriment when it's clear they are only after the gift. How do I tell the parents and the grandparents there will be no more gifts for birthdays without sounding like a stingy old aunt? -- GIFTED OUT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GIFTED OUT: Unless you want to make a change immediately, hang in there until the younger child reaches 21. At that point, put the parents/grandparents on notice that because "the kids" are now adults, you will be sending cards rather than gifts.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my 14-year-old sister snuck out and had sex with a boy she met on Snapchat. I know this because my distraught mother decided to tell me.

My sister lied to my parents repeatedly about it, but later, when they went through her phone, they found explicit images that a girl her age should never have. Furthermore, after they confiscated her phone, she acquired a new one from a friend and continues to message boys through Snapchat. She continues to lie to my parents when they ask her if she's communicating with anyone.

She has been hanging around a toxic group of girls at school, and she's very impressionable. She isn't a bad person, but all this lying has left me confused and upset. What can I do to help her? -- HER WORRIED BROTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR BROTHER: The age of consent in Georgia is 16. Do your parents know the identity and age of the person your sister met on Snapchat? The inappropriate pictures your parents discovered on her phone could be considered child pornography, and there are laws against it.

It's very important that your sister understand how dangerous what she has been doing is. Because the peer group she has chosen to follow is undesirable, it would be better if your sister was removed from that influence and home-schooled or transferred to a different school. Please suggest this to your parents.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Betsy," died suddenly a week ago. She was only 58, and I am devastated. She was the most upbeat, positive person I have ever known.

A year ago, a new neighbor, "Claudia," moved across the street. I befriended her and introduced Claudia to Betsy a couple of months ago. They met twice and texted each other a few times. I was pleased, thinking we could have a girls' night out once in a while.

After Betsy died, I heard Claudia has been telling people her "best friend" had died. The day before, she told me she barely knew Betsy. Claudia also said that at least now she didn't have to share me!

I am appalled that this woman is trying to co-opt my grieving for my dearest friend and make it her own. How do I deal with this? -- SORROWFUL IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SORROWFUL: I am sorry for the loss of your best friend. People who knew you and Betsy know how close you were. Claudia may have said what she did in order to gain sympathy or attention.

Your grief is your own. No one can steal it from you. Claudia may be insecure or jealous of the closeness you shared with Betsy. Now that you know what kind of person Claudia is, act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: Do you feel the words "cool" and "perfect" are way overused and should be retired indefinitely? -- CURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CURIOUS: No, but if you do, I'm perfectly cool with it.

How about overused words like "huge," "awesome" and "epic"? And is everything and everyone truly "AMAZING"? See what you have started? Somebody hand me a thesaurus.

DEAR ABBY: I brought my 68-year-old immigrant father to live with me permanently with the intention of caring for him. He was completely dependent. Halfway through the year, I got angry, told him to move back and vowed to myself I would never ever care for him again. It wasn't that he did anything wrong; I don't know why I got so angry.

He wound up living alone, being helped by his friends. I visited him, but I became disconnected. I knew he was suffering, but I couldn't bring myself to bring him back to live with me. I was extraordinarily cruel, and it hurt him deeply. I let his green card lapse. He passed away two years later.

Since then, I have been overwhelmed with guilt. As a son, I should have cared for my father. I am depressed over my actions. I am a horrible son. I have been crying and asking for forgiveness. Please tell me how I can move forward. -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN THE WEST

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Performing the role of caregiver is an enormous undertaking. While it can be rewarding, it can also be exhausting, unrelenting and stressful. Caregivers have been known to lose their tempers because of the pressure, but because you had bitten off more than you could chew, your reaction was extreme.

If you are religious, talk about this with your clergyperson. If you aren't, please consider scheduling some appointments with a licensed mental health professional who can help you more fully understand what happened between you and your father and help you cope with your guilt. And in the future -- once you are able -- consider atoning by volunteering for a charity that serves the elderly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a functioning alcoholic for more than 30 years. He was once funny and nice and a good dad. But over the years he has become unbearable to live with. He doesn't shower or brush his teeth. He was always mainly a beer drinker, but now he is drinking hard liquor and stays drunk most of the time he is awake.

I told him I thought he was depressed and a severe alcoholic, and he should talk to his doctor, but he refuses. He walks around cursing under his breath, and nobody wants to be around him. I keep him off the road when he has been drinking, but I'm terrified he will hurt someone. I am pretty sure he is drinking on the job, and I'm scared he will hurt himself. I am ready to leave him, but afraid that if I do, he will be completely lost. Please guide me. -- LOST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: You don't need me to tell you that your husband is in bad shape. I don't know what his job involves, but if he's interacting with others, I am surprised he can get away with having such poor hygiene and being stoned on alcohol.

Because he refuses to talk to his doctor about this, you should. I hope you are beginning to realize that, on the path he is on, you cannot "save" him. I have mentioned Al-Anon many times in my column. The organization is an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous and was started to help families and friends of individuals who are unable to control their drinking. You will gain insight about what to do next if you attend some of their meetings. Find one by going to al-anon.org/info.