life

Man's Bisexual Past Gnaws at Woman's Sense of Trust

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old woman who has been in a romantic relationship with a good, caring man for two years. We live together, and he shows me all the time how much he loves me. We have amazing chemistry and are very affectionate. We enjoy spending time together, especially outdoors.

When we first started dating, he told me he was bisexual and had had relationships with men. He insists I am his true love and he is with only me now. He has never shown signs of straying, but sometimes I get insecure and wonder if I should take him at his word that he only wants me. Should I trust him? -- WANTS TO BE SURE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR WANTS: This man has been upfront with you. Because someone finds members of both genders attractive does not mean the person is incapable of monogamy. During the last two years, he has given you no reason to believe he is untrustworthy, so take steps to deal with your insecurity and take him at his word.

Love & DatingLGBTQ
life

Grandmother Strives To Be Inclusive in Fractured Family Situation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law -- the parents of three minor children -- were divorced in 2019. Prior to their divorce, the ex-DIL got pregnant by another man. She has since had a little girl. My dilemma is, do I include the new little girl when they come to visit Grandma? She is still my grandchildren's half-sister. As they get older and come to visit me, I would feel bad leaving her out of events.

My son is livid that I would even consider including her. Her other grandparents refuse to have anything to do with her. How do I deal with this? -- DILEMMA IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DILEMMA: You have a loving heart. I assume all the children live together with their mother. To exclude their half-sister would be logistically difficult and cruel to a child who is blameless. Your son may not like the situation, but it is time for him to grow up and face reality. You are the only grandmother that child has ever known, so remain calm, assert your right to self-determination and refuse to allow yourself to be bullied or intimidated.

Family & Parenting
life

Resentment Builds as Friends Share Tales of Having Fun

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2021 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Unfortunately, I am not in the same income bracket as my family and some of my friends. Also, I married a guy who doesn't like to socialize because he's a recovering alcoholic, and he also has hearing problems. Family and friends rarely ask us to join them when they go out, but they never fail to call and tell me all about the great time they had and where they plan to go next. It hurts, and I resent them for it. I want to be happy for them and not feel the way I do. Help! -- DIFFERENT IN NEW YORK

DEAR DIFFERENT: Your husband may have hearing problems, but your relatives appear to be tone deaf in the sensitivity department. What they are doing is cruel.

Rather than compare your life to that of friends and relatives who have more freedom to socialize than you and your husband do, it would be more constructive to figure out what you CAN do. Socialize either with others or by yourselves in places that don't serve alcohol and aren't overly noisy. Ask your relatives to join you there -- and put the ball in their court.

Family & ParentingFriends & NeighborsMoneyAddiction
life

Two-Year Relationship Seems To Be Off More Often Than On

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 3rd, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been on and off with a man for two years. In all this time, he has never spent a holiday or Valentine's Day with me, or introduced me to his family or friends. He told me to stay in the bathroom at his office when his friends showed up unexpectedly. When I objected, he said, "It's only for 20 minutes." I was horrified.

He accuses me of picking fights and says I will never be happy with anyone when I try to talk with him about it. He breaks up with me at holiday time, never calls when he's on vacation and our dates are always last minute. I realize he is using me for sex, but he insists I am wrong and he is a decent man.

Two birthdays passed, and he didn't even wish me a happy birthday, yet he buys presents and cards for every occasion for his friends and family. He blocks my number if I don't "behave properly." He calls me "Miss" in public, but calls waitresses "Sweetie" the few times we have gone out.

Narcissistic and emotionally abusive? Am I wrong? He tells me no one will stay with me once they know the type of woman I am. I'm not always at fault like he wants me to believe. He buys me nothing to drink or eat when we are together. I pay my own way. I regret the day he entered my life. How can I make him see what he does is wrong? -- ALMOST DONE IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALMOST DONE: This shameless man may never view what he has been doing as wrong, so don't try to "make" him see anything. End this sorry excuse for a relationship now, because it is degrading, a waste of your time, and it's very likely that he is married and cheating on his wife.

Love & DatingHolidays & CelebrationsAbuse
life

Nurse Gives New Relationship a Troubling Prognosis

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 3rd, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 62, very healthy and youthful, and work full time as an R.N. I recently started dating a 67-year-old man I met on a dating site. We go out, do various things together, laugh and seem to be compatible. My concern is, he has significant heart disease.

He has had stents put in and is on multiple meds. He also has moderate kidney failure. I'm realizing he's actually very preoccupied with the state of his health because he talks about it often, and he sees physicians as well as a naturopath and myofascial release specialist.

We were taking my dogs for a walk recently and he said he didn't feel well. He fell, and his defibrillator went off. Another time we were on a trip and he couldn't walk far before saying he needed water, and he also wanted to be sure there was a bathroom close by. Another time we were attempting to have some intimacy and his defibrillator went off, which put a damper on the mood.

Should I stay with this guy when his general health is so poor? It is affecting me -- and us. I do not want to be a caretaker, although at the same time, I do have compassion for him. -- HEARTSTRINGS PULLED

DEAR HEARTSTRINGS: What a sad situation. It shouldn't take a medical background to see what the future holds, at least for him.

This is a new relationship. Not once in your letter did you mention the depth of his feelings for you or yours for him. He does -- and probably will continue to -- need looking after. Because you stated you are not prepared to do that, tell him now while he's well enough to find someone who would be.

Love & DatingHealth & SafetyAging
life

'Helpful' Husband Is Caught Twice With Younger Women

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2021 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 26 years. Five years ago, my husband gave a young lady $5,000 through credit card charges over a six-month period. We are not wealthy. When I found the charges in our credit report, he took a second job to pay it off.

I don't think their relationship was sexual because he is impotent. It was hurtful. While he was taking this young lady shopping, he told me he was at work.

Recently, I (accidentally) caught him going to another young lady's apartment to help her with things like hanging a TV. I don't care if he helps people. What I DO care about is his sneaking around to do it. I have tried talking to him about why he feels he needs to sneak. He has no answer. What makes men sneak? -- DECEIVED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DECEIVED: Your husband may fear your disapproval of his relationships -- however platonic they may be -- with these younger women. What makes people of both genders sneak, by the way, is usually a sense of guilt.

Marriage & DivorceMoneySex
life

Respect Is in Short Supply in Mom's Household

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2021 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, my 33-year-old son, his girlfriend and their 4-year-old son all live with me. They are expecting their second child. I own the home and pay all the bills (utilities, phone, food, etc.).

The problem is, my kids don't like my boyfriend. His grandkids call me Grandma, so I would like my grandkids to call him Grandpa. My son and his girlfriend won't allow their son to do it. They insist on calling him by his first name.

I asked for a compromise and to call him Uncle. They refuse and say he didn't "earn" that name. I said it's just teaching the children to respect their elders. When I grew up and when I raised my son, we called older people Aunty and Uncle. I'm not sure what to do because we all live in the same house, and I would like all of us to get along. -- WISHING FOR RESPECT IN HAWAII

DEAR WISHING: You may have taught your son to respect his elders when he was growing up, but it appears he has had a serious memory lapse. Shame on him.

Because you foot all of the bills for the roof over his and his family's heads as well as the food in their mouths, remind him that you are the head of that household, and you will not have anyone with whom you are involved disrespected. As it stands, you and your boyfriend are being disrespected, so as head of the household, please assert yourself.

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Bride-To-Be Ruffles Feathers With Request for Haircut

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2021 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Justin," is getting married. He told his dad the other day that his fiancee would like for my husband to go with Justin to his salon to get his hair cut and beard trimmed for the wedding. My husband is upset about it because he feels his soon-to-be daughter-in-law is implying that his haircut isn't good enough. As the wife and future mother-in-law, I'm unsure how to handle this situation. Help, please. -- GROOMING GROOM'S DAD IN GEORGIA

DEAR G.G.D.I.G.: Try to get your offended spouse to laugh about it. Point out that everyone looks better with a fresh haircut and a trim. Even you and me. Most people want to spruce up and make themselves more presentable for a special event. Why should your husband be any different?

Family & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations

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