DEAR ABBY: When I stopped by my brother's house a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that his 9-year-old son was grounded in his bedroom. He was being punished for snooping in his dad's vintage collection of porn.

At first I was upset with my brother and his wife, because it was their fault that the boy had access to it, and boys are naturally curious. But when I found out what his punishment was, I became enraged. Their "brilliant" idea was to make my nephew disgusted with porn by forcing him to look at the entire collection for three hours instead of playing outside.

Maybe this tactic works for cigarette smoking or chewing tobacco, but this seemed very wrong. I was so appalled, I overstepped; I went straight into my nephew's room and told him he was allowed to go outside and play. Abby, what do you think? Am I being ridiculous? What should I have done? -- APPALLED IN OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: The child's punishment was extreme and inappropriate. What you should have done was point out to your brother and sister-in-law that their punishment may have been counterproductive. Rather than working as aversion therapy, it could result in whetting their son's appetite for more. You might also have suggested they consult a child psychologist for suggestions on how to deal with their son's budding sexual curiosity, which is entirely normal, and urged that from now on they keep their collection under lock and key.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a very nice woman online. During our first phone call, she told me about an injury she received a few months ago that has left her with a disability. I'm not bothered by it, and I'd like to get to know her better.

From the way she responded to a few things, I got the impression that she is still coming to terms with what has happened, as anyone would be. I have no experience with a situation like this, and I have no idea if, from the perspective of dating, it is the right thing to engage someone who is going through this. Any thoughts? -- TENTATIVE IN INDIANA

DEAR TENTATIVE: Yes, it's the right thing -- but only if you can be supportive and patient during what has to be an extremely emotionally disruptive time in this woman's life. I am sure she could use a supportive male friend right now, as long as you two can continue to have an open and honest dialogue with each other.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old son lives with me for financial reasons, and I love him dearly. He helps with bills and works a full-time job. My only problem with him is he wears the same pair of pants for weeks without washing them and hasn't washed his sheets in months. I didn't raise him that way. He does take a shower every night.

He owns only one pair of pants, and I can't get him to buy another pair. I have complained to him several times about the bad smell. How can I get him to change his ways? -- FED-UP MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: At this point in his life, that may not be possible. It seems strange to me that someone who smells bad could hold a full-time job, but I will take your word for it. The easiest solution to your problem might be for you to wash his bedding every few weeks. As to the fact that he has only one pair of pants, buy him a pair for his next birthday or for Christmas -- whichever comes sooner.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I suffered a miscarriage five months ago, in the 12th week. I'm still not doing well. I have put on a facade to get by, but I'm just starting to realize how deeply this is affecting my life.

I used to be a happy, friendly person. Always a smile on my face and laughter to be shared and hugs for my loved ones. Since the miscarriage, I put on a fake smile and try to be who I once was, but I can't keep doing it. Every day there is a moment from that day or the aftermath that floods my mind. I'm angry, bitter, mad at the unfairness, and I no longer have compassion or sympathy for others.

This isn't me. I don't want to be this way. My happiness has been replaced with tears and sadness. The hopefulness is replaced by emptiness. I'm very lost, and I don't know how to get out of this funk.

I no longer want to try to get pregnant again because the fear of the physical and emotional pain of another miscarriage has me paralyzed. Any advice you might give would be greatly appreciated. -- BROKEN IN MISSOURI

DEAR BROKEN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your child. Your depression and the fear you have about another pregnancy are not unusual after a tragedy like the one you have experienced. You are grieving, and the emotions you are feeling are to be expected.

Please schedule an appointment with your OB/GYN and tell your doctor about all of these feelings, because the doctor can refer you to someone who can help you work through this. It will take time, but I assure you it is doable.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for close to a year now. In the beginning, we were crazy about each other and everything was great.

Our hometowns are two hours apart so, to make it work, he bought us a house right in between. It was an hour each way to our parents' houses. I thought it was the perfect compromise. But now he's telling me he isn't happy here in our new town, and he needs to sell the house and move back home.

He says he still wants to be with me and that we are going to make it work, but I can't help but be scared that this is gonna be the end of our relationship. Should I tough it out and see if we can actually make it work? Or do I call it quits and let go because maybe it is just not meant to be? -- MIXED UP IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MIXED UP: You left out one important fact in your letter to me. WHY does your boyfriend need to sell the house you share and move back home? Is he so closely tied to his parents that being an hour away is too far? Is it work-related? Is he dissatisfied with your relationship? Ask him these questions because the answers will tell you what you can expect. My advice is to let things play out a bit more before making any decision other than to put the house on the market.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter got married in a friend's backyard three months ago. Her husband built an arch for the ceremony. He spent $285 on some very nice walnut, and they planned to keep it forever.

With my daughter's consent, my wife loaned it to a niece of hers. The arch was broken and thrown out. We found this out only after weeks of requesting that we get it back. They have offered to pay the $285, but without even a "sorry."

My daughter is extremely angry at my wife and the niece and her husband. I need words to console my wife and daughter. This has caused a deep emotional schism in our family. -- WEDDING MESS IN ARIZONA

DEAR MESS: It is time to talk to your daughter about priorities. Because of her deep emotional attachment to the arch her now-husband created for their wedding, her anger and hurt are justifiable.

That the niece and her husband not only damaged it but threw it away like a piece of garbage was terrible. That they not only didn't apologize, but also failed to recognize the sentimental value of the arch is shocking. (At least they offered to reimburse the cost of the wood.) However, for your daughter to blame your wife for the niece's carelessness is wrong.

It takes strength of character to forgive. This does not mean your daughter must forget what happened and how poorly it was handled. In the uncertain times we are experiencing, relationships and family unity are primary. I hope that, with time, your daughter and her husband will realize this and repair the rift while recognizing the niece's shortcomings in the future. ("Neither a borrower nor a lender be ...")

DEAR ABBY: At the end of last year, I sat down with my parents hoping that maybe we could approach the new year with a fresh start. One short month into the new year, my mother is back at it again, ridiculing me and making me feel like no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for her.

I have reached the end of my rope. I'm tired of dealing with the constant cycle of emotional abuse. I have overcome much in my life, and I'm proud of myself for it. During times when I struggle, I reflect on how much. I keep pushing myself forward, but at this point, I'm just tired.

I have considered distancing myself, but the recent loss of my grandfather hit me hard. I have been leaning on my family to keep myself going, so I'm in a pickle. -- HURT, STUNNED AND TIRED IN NEW YORK

DEAR H.S.T: You may never be able to have what you want from your mother, not because there is something wrong with you, but because she has proven herself incapable of being supportive.

For understanding and the emotional support you are seeking, consider contacting your clergyperson (if you have one) or the officiant at your grandfather's funeral and asking about joining a grief support group. If you do, you may find the support you need while at the same time keeping safely at a distance from your mother.