DEAR ABBY: I enjoy babysitting for the children of family and friends. But while I have nothing to hide, I hate how everyone seems to have inside cameras. I feel like I'm in a fishbowl, like if I let their kids veg in front of the TV or the computer, I'll be judged as lazy. I also hate having my picture taken, so the idea of being on a live feed all day is off-putting.

Do I ask them to turn off the cameras, or stop babysitting? I can't be the only person who is uncomfortable being monitored all day like a caged animal. What's a good way of handling this? -- MONITORED IN OHIO

DEAR MONITORED: People usually have cameras inside their home for security reasons, and so they will have a warning or evidence in case of a break-in. Parents and pet owners enjoy peace of mind knowing they can periodically check to see how their precious angels are doing. The intent is not to spy on you.

If you feel you are being watched excessively, ask the parents how they think you are doing. Unless they complain about your performance, a good way of handling this would be to simply accept the situation, or restrict your babysitting to homes that are camera-free.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a crush on a man since we were in our teens. We're now in our mid-40s. Both of us ended long-term relationships about a year ago. We have stayed in contact every now and then, but only as friends -- more like family. He was best friends with my beloved late uncle.

We have decided to meet, with sex at the forefront of our thoughts. How do I prepare myself to go into this with a sex-only mind frame? Do you think this could damage our 30-year friendship? -- NERVOUS IN OREGON

DEAR NERVOUS: It has been my observation that men and women view sexual relationships differently. Women often let their emotions get involved. Men can more easily separate the two. It could absolutely damage your 30-year friendship if what he expects is a casual friends-with-benefits relationship and at some point you decide you need more from this man you have had a crush on since your teens.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter has stopped talking to me. She said I need counseling to discuss the abuse during her childhood. I asked, "What abuse?" She won't say! I can't think of any. She was never spanked. She was given anything she asked for and allowed to join any club or sport she was interested in.

The only thing she finally mentioned was that my husband and I had arguments. We didn't argue often. I'm at a loss. Should I step back and leave her alone? I send texts and call her once a week. Most go unanswered. When she does answer, she asks if I have started counseling. Please advise. -- CUT OFF IN INDIANA

DEAR CUT OFF: Tell your daughter that you are open to counseling, but only if it is joint counseling with her to figure out why there is such a disparity in your -- and her -- memories of her childhood. If you do, it may -- I can't guarantee -- resolve what's happening now.

DEAR ABBY: Because my fiance and I had bad experiences in the past, we settled on just living together for the last 17 years. He has been like a husband to me and faithful all these years. Recently, however, I caught him in an online affair.

I checked his phone one day out of the blue -- something I have never done before because we respect each other's privacy. The emails were daily, back and forth, with only one mentioning a sexual encounter at the beginning.

He confessed that he had made a big mistake once and refused to see her again in person but had kept up the correspondence. He begged me to forgive him and I agreed, since we were together for so long.

The problem is, now we argue about his phone. He still expects the same privacy with it. I don't feel comfortable with that now. Does he still deserve the same privacy? -- HUNG UP IN OHIO

DEAR HUNG UP: No, he does not. What he deserves is the chance to rebuild your trust, and that involves accountability on his part, which includes allowing you access to his phone if you feel insecure.

After 17 years together, both of you have a large emotional investment in this relationship. Because of that, it might be beneficial to schedule some sessions with a licensed relationship counselor to figure out where it went off the rails.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day. I know sometimes you suggest people see a doctor, either medical or psychological. What do you do if you are terrified of doctors?

I have asthma and consult my doctor via a computer, but some doctors (like dentists) can't do that. I have horrible panic attacks and anxiety. Then my asthma kicks in, I can't breathe, and I cry uncontrollably. I don't want to take medications because they make me sleepy.

Because I'm so doped up, someone has to come with me to the doctor to drive me home and watch me be an uncontrollable mess. Also, missing a whole day of work for a one-hour doctor appointment is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I think I'd rather be sick than go to the doctor.

My family insists it's all in my head and I should just get over it, but because of many horrible experiences at doctors' offices, which I believe caused my fear, I just can't. The current situation with the worldwide COVID epidemic has made my anxiety worse. Your thoughts? -- TERRIFIED TO GO THERE

DEAR TERRIFIED: My thought is that you need to ask your doctor or your insurance company for a referral to a licensed psychologist who specializes in phobias and panic attacks. Many of them consult with their patients online these days. Once you finally get a handle on that problem, the rest will be easier. While few people relish the idea of going to the doctor or dentist, NOT doing what is necessary to protect your health can be dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died 11 months ago, and I thought I was ready to date. I dated a guy I'll call Ken for six months, but things went south because it felt weird. My question is, is it normal for a 57-year-old man to still be living with his mom?

Abby, Ken's mom said bad things in front of me. She told her son that if he's going to have sex with me, he might as well live with me. (We never had sex.) Another time she didn't want me to wear shorts, hold Ken's hand or even sit with him at their house. Why? Do I need help? -- YOUNG-ISH WIDOW IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WIDOW: A single man living with his mom is unusual, but not necessarily abnormal. Ken's mother's behavior, however, was not normal or acceptable. The extent to which this man's mother controls his dating life is over the top.

Apparently, she perceives you as a threat, and she doesn't want to "lose" her 57-year-old son. You don't need help; she does. So does Ken, who appears to be her hostage. The tie that binds him to her may be emotional or financial, or those apron strings would have been severed decades ago.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I are planning a road trip. We live in different parts of the country, so he'll be flying to my city, where we will start the trip. We plan to split the cost of car rental, gas and hotels. However, I was assuming that he would pay his own airfare, and he was assuming that we would split it like everything else.

What's normal in situations like this? Is it normal to pay one's own airfare and expect costs to even out in the future when the other person flies to you? Or is it normal to split the cost each time? The road trip isn't at risk because of this, but I want to set the right precedent for future vacations we take together. -- ROAD TRIPPING IN IOWA

DEAR ROAD TRIPPING: This is something you need to discuss further with your friend. Do you consider his getting there a part of your shared vacation, or do you feel your responsibility begins when he arrives? There are no hard-and-fast rules about this, and frankly, I think it depends upon your financial situations.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away unexpectedly. It was and is a tremendous loss to my two daughters and to me.

While writing my thank-you cards to individuals who attended his viewing and church service, I noticed someone had written "Mick Jagger" as attending his viewing and "Rod Stewart" as attending his church service. I was floored and deeply hurt when I realized the handwriting belonged to one of our pallbearers -- my husband's sister's husband. Our teenage daughters also saw it and told me they thought it was disrespectful.

I don't know if I should tell my sister-in-law or let it go. I want to ask him why he would do such a thing. Or am I overreacting? -- HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT: No, you are not overreacting. What your brother-in-law did was, to put it mildly, insensitive. A funeral memorial book is the wrong place to attempt a bad joke. By all means tell your sister-in-law about it. And when you do, be sure to mention how it affected you and your daughters. You all deserve an apology for his inappropriate behavior.