DEAR ABBY: I am a 59-year-old man who was engaged to a 46-year-old woman. She told me she was going to leave for work on Friday, but I found out she was actually going on a vacation. She was pretending to go to work but driving to Georgia to meet a married man she met on a dating site instead.

We live in New Jersey, and it's a 13-hour drive. I found her phone the day before and deleted all his info, but she still drove down there to meet him. I am devastated and crushed. Any help or suggestions? I wish people who do this stuff could be tattooed on the forehead to warn other good people. -- HURT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HURT: I sympathize with your pain, which I am sure is considerable. I do have some advice, which I hope you will heed. Please realize that finding her phone before her departure was a gift to you from above. Thank your higher power that you now understand exactly who this woman is and didn't marry her.

The time has come to move forward resolutely. There are better days -- and better women -- ahead. I say this with certainty because you can't do worse than this one.

DEAR ABBY: I reached out recently to the daughter of my cousin who had just passed away. I offered condolences and a picture of her great-grandfather, who was my grandfather. I also shared some warm memories of her dad, my cousin.

She shot back with some seriously negative information about her dad's dad, my uncle. It really shook me. I didn't want to know that information. I barely knew my uncle, but my memories of the family all involved happy times together.

What she said shocked and saddened me. I wish I didn't know. I think people should speak well of those who are gone or say nothing. Don't you? -- UNPLEASANT IN THE WEST

DEAR UNPLEASANT: Most people tend to omit the unpleasant details when talking about someone who has passed on, but I do not think there are any hard-and-fast rules. I'm sorry you were upset about the dose of truth you received in exchange for your warm memories. But understand, I have read obituaries and listened to eulogies that were so sanitized I didn't recognize who was being discussed. Perhaps there is a happy medium.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old with an addiction to screens. I sometimes pull overnighters on my phone. I'm starting to realize my limits. Sometimes I cannot trust myself with my actions, and I think I may need help. Do you have any advice? -- SEEING THE LIGHT IN MARYLAND

DEAR SEEING: It takes a brave person to admit they have a problem and be proactive in accepting that it may be something they can't solve on their own. I congratulate you for admitting it. You are not the only teen with this issue. Many people your age and older struggle with it, too.

Your next step should be to talk to your parents about your concerns and ask for help in breaking your screen addiction. This can sometimes involve more than going "cold turkey," and they may need to seek a referral from your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who recently had a baby with serious health problems. Unfortunately, we live on opposite sides of the country, and I can't afford to fly out there. I want to help, but short of calls and texts to let her know I'm thinking of her, I'm out of ideas.

She's mentioned several times that with all the work of being a new parent plus the extra work involved with a child with special needs, she often doesn't have time to prepare healthy meals and reverts to junk food that she can grab easily. Ordinarily, I'd bring over a few meals to help out, but that's impossible to do when she's so far away.

Restaurant gift cards would be an option, but unfortunately she and her husband don't have the time to go to one. I'm hoping you might have other ideas on how I can help out from afar. -- PUZZLED ABOUT HELPING

DEAR PUZZLED: Go online and research food delivery services in the city or town where your friend lives. Some businesses deliver prepared meals on a weekly basis. Other companies ship boxes of wonderful fruits every month. But before doing anything, ask your overwhelmed friend what she and her husband think might be helpful rather than try to second-guess.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to know if there is a nice way of asking my niece and her boyfriend, who are in their mid- to late-20s, not to bring their phones to the dinner table? I have spent days preparing for and cooking holiday meals. The evening was less than enjoyable for me because they were only partly there, and spent most of their time texting and presumably on Facebook.

It's awkward to ask an adult to practice good manners. Any words of wisdom will be much appreciated. -- WELL-MANNERED LADY IN THE WEST

DEAR LADY: Explain to your niece that you spend a lot of time, money and effort on presenting these meals, and that you were hurt and offended at their apparent lack of appreciation. It's the truth. Do not preoccupy yourself with trying to be nice or you will weaken the message. Some families solve this problem by insisting their guests place their cellphones in a basket before dinner and reclaim them as they depart. (Just a thought!)

DEAR ABBY: My friend from church casually mentioned that he and his wife recently helped themselves to several buckets of sand from a national park. I'm beside myself trying to understand how they can justify pillaging a natural resource so they can pretend they are at the beach. It's beyond selfish and just plain wrong. What can I say to convince them to return it? Can you help me navigate this conversation while still maintaining the friendship? -- SHOCKED IN HAWAII

DEAR SHOCKED: Start by pointing out to your friends that there are serious penalties for doing what he and his wife did. I ran your letter by my former personal assistant, Winni, who lives in Hawaii. She informed me that, according to the Department of Land and Natural Resources, stealing sand from the beaches is not only against the law, but also punishable with fines of upwards of $100,000.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged divorcee. I recently took up ballroom dancing, which has been a long-held dream, and I'm enjoying my life. However, there are few single men my age around. Most of the available men are 20 years older or 20 years younger.

From Day One, I have had a crush on one of the few men my age in the dance group. We eventually became best friends, spending all our free time together. I soon learned that he is married, but separated and looking to divorce. However, he has a crush of his own, and he talks to me about her constantly. We have so much in common, but he only has eyes for her.

I realize it isn't healthy for me to pine away for someone who doesn't think of me the way I think of him. Yet walking away would mean losing my dance partner and best friend and going back to sitting out dances, watching from the sidelines, or worse, sitting alone at home.

Do I maintain the status quo and suffer in silence over his rejection? Or would it be healthier to move on, upend my life and isolate myself from him when I have no other circle of friends to support me? -- DANCING AWAY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DANCING: Because of the pandemic, leave things as they are -- for now. However, as soon as it's feasible, find another dance group -- or two -- to join. If you do, you will establish other relationships with both women and men, and have a better chance of finding what you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, my son's mother, moved out a few years back and settled about six hours from us. We did halfway trips in the beginning so they could maintain a relationship, and I have even driven the whole way a few times to help with that.

Over the last two years, her interest has diminished, and they haven't seen each other at all. I've offered the halfway trip, even offered my couch if she came the entire way, especially around holidays. She hasn't taken me up on it.

Our son is now entering his teens, and I bought him a cellphone. She has his number, but doesn't call or text. She even missed his birthday. My problem is, he has started to recognize her lack of interest, and I can tell it hurts. I thought about changing his number and cutting her off altogether, like yanking off a bandage, but I don't know what's best. Please advise. -- SANE DAD IN MARYLAND

DEAR DAD: You are a loving and constant father. As you have realized, now that your son is getting older, he is becoming increasingly aware of his mother's emotional neglect.

I do not think you should change his number and cut her off from him. She's doing a good job of doing that herself. I do think it's important your son knows he can talk to you about anything and get honest answers. Something is clearly wrong with his mother. He should not go through life thinking her behavior was caused by anything lacking in himself, so if and when the subject comes up, answer his questions as kindly as you can.