DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my daughter informed me that her boyfriend will soon come to me to ask for her hand in marriage. She also told me she intends to have both her stepfather and me walk her down the aisle. This creates a huge problem for me.

Her mother and I divorced 13 years ago because of marital infidelity on her part. She was having an affair with the man who is now my daughter's stepfather. When my daughter told me her plans, it took all my self-control not to go through the roof.

I have thought about my daughter's wedding day since the day she was born, and now she wants me to share it with this individual who has caused me so much pain. Her feeling is he has been with her her entire life, and she wants him in the wedding. I understand it to some extent, although for her to ask me to give up even a bit of this honor cuts me to my core.

One of her reasons for asking is we had a strained relationship for a number of years. I was never out of her life, although there were periods of time when we would fight constantly.

I don't want to miss the opportunity to walk my baby girl down the aisle, but I simply cannot share this honor with someone who basically stole my family. -- NOT FORGIVING IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT FORGIVING: I know this is painful for you, but you are not in control. If you are going to have the honor of walking your daughter down the aisle, you will have to figure out a compromise. I'm suggesting you walk her halfway to the altar and your daughter's stepfather take her the rest of the way, or vice versa. It has been done before.

DEAR ABBY: At what age is it no longer appropriate to share a bed with your child? My sister-in-law "Mara" is a single mom with a 13-year-old daughter. Until recently we were quite close, but we haven't spoken in a few months. Mostly it's because of COVID restrictions, but we had begun drifting apart even before.

Last week I saw on Facebook that she had made a comment about them still sharing a bed. I think it's weird and creepy. It goes against every boundary I have as a mother myself.

Should I keep my mouth shut? She won't listen to my husband (her brother) because he has been branded an "abusive misogynist." Mara loves to play the victim and interprets any criticism, however slight, as abuse -- especially if it comes from a man.

Getting in touch with her out of the blue to talk about this seems over the top, but I'm genuinely concerned about the long-term impact on her daughter, who has voiced in the past (not in front of Mara) that she prefers to sleep alone. Is this none of my business? -- OVER THE LINE

DEAR OVER: If you suspect your niece is being sexually abused, child protective services should be contacted. Otherwise, it is none of your business. Not every family -- or culture, for that matter -- has the same standards. Until your niece finds the courage to tell her mother she no longer wants to share a bed, nothing will change in that household.

DEAR ABBY: As a way to manage my stress and anxiety when COVID hit, I started to exercise. Neither my husband, "Chris," nor I had ever been into fitness at all. As the months have gone on, I have realized the power of being healthy, and I try to exercise every day. The problem? Chris is angry. He calls it "me time" and has made it very difficult for me to go.

I tried swimming in the morning before work, but he said he couldn't manage at home to get our 2-year-old ready for school. I tried to go to the gym in the early evening, but he said he needs me to help get the children ready for bed. I tried running later at night, but it didn't feel safe, and I also had trouble falling asleep.

Abby, I don't know what to do. Last night he told me I am selfish and should move out. Can you help me? -- KEEPING MY SANITY

DEAR KEEPING: Establishing a routine of regular exercise wasn't selfish. It was the right thing to do. People have been experiencing symptoms of depression and extreme stress since this pandemic began. It is more important now than ever that you continue to take care of your physical and emotional health, and it's a shame your husband didn't do the same.

Rather than prevent you from doing what you have been doing, your husband should have praised you. Could he be jealous or threatened by what you have accomplished? That he would say something so extreme as "you should move out" was childish. (Who would look after the kids then?)

A mature approach would be for the two of you to agree upon a schedule in which he either dresses the kids in the morning OR tucks them in at night. It not only would be a lot less expensive than a divorce, but your husband might even grow to enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two, both over 18. I have been dating a divorced mother of three. Her children are between the ages of 7 and 12.

We are really good together, and we would like to make a life together. The problem is, she's reluctant to let her ex-husband know about me for fear of his violent reaction (she has no lingering feelings toward him other than fear). Because of this, she doesn't want her kids to know we are romantically involved. They think I'm just a "friend." She gets defensive when I bring this up.

We have been seeing each other for a couple of years now. I love her, but I'm starting to get the feeling this will never move forward. What should I do? And how long should I wait? -- TENTATIVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TENTATIVE: I wish you had written sooner. It appears that although the woman you're involved with is divorced, she is far from free. If she's afraid her ex will become violent if she makes her relationship with you official, and he has acted violently toward her in the past, she should contact her local police department and report it. She may also want to consider a restraining order and/or supervised visitation when he sees the children. If she is unwilling to free herself, then for your own sake, end the relationship because it will never progress.

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who was martyred in the cause of civil rights in 1968. His words ring as true today as when he first uttered them: "We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope." His was a voice of reason in a time of insanity, silenced too soon. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My brother, who lives 1,000 miles away, is thinking of moving back to our hometown to be around family and "start over." I love him. He's not a bad person, but he was a terrible father. He is now a widower, and he suffers from depression.

The problem is, some of his children and adult grandchildren plan to move with him. The "children" and their children are felons, ex-cons, drug addicts, alcoholics and thieves. My brother is none of those things.

I am willing to welcome him, but my husband and I want nothing to do with his kids or grandkids. I don't trust them to be in my house. There's no way we will welcome them into our family or do whatever it is they expect of us to start a new life. I don't think it is our responsibility. My children (their cousins) want nothing to do with them, either. How do I handle this? -- STANDING FIRM IN IOWA

DEAR STANDING: Before your brother makes the move to your community, ASK him what his plans are regarding making a new start. While you're at it, inquire about what his children and grandchildren intend to do after they arrive. Listen carefully to what your brother has to say, then tell him that, because of their criminal history, you and your husband cannot comfortably entertain them in your home. Say it kindly but firmly, and do not allow yourself to be drawn into a debate about it. From your description of them, it shouldn't come as a surprise.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 21 years was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three years ago. Our children are now adults. We had a fabulous life, lots of laughter, lots of travel, lots of friends. Then everything came to a screeching halt, and the past seems a dream. I try to remain optimistic, but his doctors have given us more bad news. Today he is not in pain, and his naps have slowed down. I work full-time, but he had to retire.

With COVID, it's hard to go anywhere with him. How do I stop feeling guilty if after work I want to go to a friend's house for an hour or two, or to dinner at an outdoor restaurant? Or a drive to clear my head? I know I'll soon be wishing I could sit on the couch and watch TV with him again, but lately, I just need to carve out a small slice of time for me. -- GUILTY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR GUILTY: Do not beat yourself up for being human. When a beloved spouse is terminally ill, it is extremely stressful for both the patient and the caregiver. This is why it is important for your own health to allow time for yourself. How much time can vary from individual to individual, but it must be enough to rejuvenate.

Your husband needs you, but he also needs you to be your best self so you can provide physical and emotional support during this important final chapter. If you were to talk about this with him, I am sure he would tell you that I am right. If you let your conscience guide you, you won't go wrong, and you will have fewer regrets.