DEAR ABBY: I have recently found out that someone I thought was a good friend is the person who snitched and got my daughter in serious trouble at school. Our daughters attended the same preschool, middle school and high school. Although they were friends, the friendship was more between us moms.

Before middle school graduation, the students had an outing at the beach. Some of the girls, my daughter included, decided to bring vodka and orange juice. A few days later, my daughter was called to the principal's office where she was thoroughly reprimanded. Any awards she was to receive were rescinded. I learned from one of the teachers that this "friend" is the person who turned her in.

Why didn't she come to me and tell me? I almost feel like she wanted my daughter to get in trouble. I have run into her a couple of times and have been cold and distant, but I want to confront her. I was going to write and tell her why. Do you think this is a good idea? -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being upset, but an eighth-grader bringing alcohol to a school celebration is wrong on many levels. I do NOT advise putting anything in writing. Convey your message and get the answer you want by doing it directly, face to face.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, I dated a guy I'll call Allen. We had a child together. Our relationship ended when I found out I was pregnant. He married a woman he chose over me. I later married someone else, whose name is on my child's birth certificate.

Fast-forward 30 years. We are now back in each other's lives. I told my son about his biological father, and they are getting to know each other. Allen has children from his marriage, which lasted about 25 years. His wife is now deceased.

Allen's two other children and his parents and extended family know nothing about our son. He's afraid to tell them, although it was before they were born and before he was married. Do you think he should tell everyone? -- SECRET KEEPER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SECRET KEEPER: Yes, I do. As you stated, this happened before his marriage to his late wife, and your (and his) son should not be regarded as a shameful secret. However, I cannot make this decision for Allen, and neither should you. If he isn't strong enough to stand up and stand by his first child, then you should reconsider your relationship with him.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 50-some years. While we were discussing sex and the pandemic, she revealed that she could imagine having sex with someone while both of them were masked. I said no, the masks would become superfluous and would go just before the clothes. Who is right? -- HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING

DEAR H.S.: Are you serious? Your wife gave you some valuable information that you are ignoring. Where is your sense of humor? Try it. You might like it and discover the masks stay on until, in the heat of passion, they slip off (or not).

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine has recently discovered that her husband of 40-plus years has been hiding a decades-long porn addiction. The discovery has caused a problem in their marriage. They have had counseling.

He says he wants to save their marriage and has vowed to give up the porn. I was told he told his wife that if she decides to divorce him, he will tell the entire family and their children that SHE was the one addicted to porn, and it is the reason he's divorcing her. My question is, what kind of person would treat his wife this way and think this is an appropriate way to save the marriage? -- TWISTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR TWISTED: Unfortunately, the husband has a problem greater than his porn addiction. It's his lack of character and honesty. His threat is not only inappropriate, but also a valid reason to end the marriage.

P.S. I can't imagine why her family would buy that lie.

DEAR ABBY: In 1972, when I was 12, my father died by suicide. I was told it was an accident. I was given an explanation, but the facts didn't add up. I suspected it was suicide. In 1998, my brother also died by suicide. Afterward, I asked Mom if Dad had done it, too. She denied it, but I knew better.

Around the time of my brother's death, I lost my best friend/co-worker/father figure of 17 years to suicide. His son was told his dad had had a heart attack. He is now a father in his 40s, and I think he deserves to know. Should I remain silent as I have for more than 20 years? -- IN A MORAL DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: Years ago, when a family member died by suicide, it was considered shameful and kept a family secret. Because depression can run in families, these kinds of secrets can be harmful. Today we know more, and there are programs available to help families who have suffered this kind of tragic loss. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) offers support to surviving family members.

I do think you should talk to your friend's son. Introduce the topic by telling him what happened in your family, how much his father meant to you and your concern for him and his own family, which is why you are bringing it up now.

DEAR ABBY: It's not the first time, but certainly will be the last time I'm invited to a close friend's house without my baby girl, my 12-year-old retired therapy dog, "Lady." Everyone loves Lady. So does my friend. (I even have her portrait tattooed on my leg.) Is it rude to not want to visit my friend because Lady is not welcome? -- LOVES MY LADY

DEAR LOVES: It's not rude. It is a choice. What I DO think is rude is attempting to blackmail someone into allowing a loved, but unwanted, pet into their home knowing it isn't welcome. If Lady were still a therapy dog, I might feel differently, but Lady is now retired, and her presence is no longer a medical necessity.

DEAR ABBY: I raised my kids right as a single mom. I took pride in supporting them and giving them what they needed and wanted.

I have a daughter who lives out of town with her husband and children. I don't get to see them often, so I love buying them gifts that are waiting for them when they get here. For the kids' birthdays and holidays, I always have nice gifts for them, too.

For the past few years, my daughter has refused to take any of the gifts home with her, so the toys sit in my spare rooms. She smirks and laughs when someone says something about leaving behind the gifts I buy. She and her husband stay at my house when they visit, so the kids play with their toys then.

I'm hurt by her lack of appreciation and have decided to stop buying anything for the kids on holidays or birthdays. I don't enjoy giving monetary gifts. I want to see the kids' faces when they open a present and play with it. Would it be wrong for me to just stop buying gifts? -- GENEROUS GRANNY IN OHIO

DEAR GENEROUS GRANNY: This is something you should discuss with your daughter. Could it be that your grandchildren have so many toys at home that there isn't room for more?

I'm not sure why your daughter would "smirk and laugh" when "someone" mentions the gifts left behind when your family leaves. That kind of behavior is rude. But I don't think children should be punished for something their parent does. To deny them gifts on birthdays and Christmas because of it would be petulant and a mistake.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is close to death. I haven't had contact with her in 30 years. While we were growing up and even into adulthood, she was incredibly abusive, neglectful and manipulative. She didn't provide the basic needs of food and clothing for us. She prioritized her boyfriend over us kids and engaged in crazy behavior. She would chase us with knives, walk around naked and expect us to accompany her to throw garbage on her boyfriend's car.

I'm not a bad person. I don't wish any harm on her, but she's not part of my life for a reason. As she approaches death, how do I deal with this? No one should die alone. None of my siblings want anything to do with her, either. What do I even say? -- POST-TRAUMATIC IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR POST-TRAUMATIC: What do you even say ... to whom? To the person who informed you that your mother has little time left? To your mother if you choose to be with her? Are you sure your mother wants you there?

Because you asked for my advice, I am suggesting that you may have fewer regrets -- and less anger, righteous as it may be -- if you are with her at the end. You don't have to say anything more than, "Mom, I'm here for you," if you don't wish to. From your description of her, your mother may have had serious emotional problems for much of her life. Please allow me to offer my sympathy.