DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He has always been self-centered. We have discussed this over the years, and it hasn't changed his disposition. I bought him an "It's All About Me" coffee cup years ago as a joke, and he enjoys using it!

We both have office jobs and day-to-day issues and problems with our employees and co-workers. If we talk on the phone at lunch or over dinner, he describes his daily issues in excruciating detail, looking for my feedback/input and then moves on. There is never a time I can update him on my issues and get his input to help with mine because he's too busy thinking about his issues.

He cares deeply about our adult children, but doesn't give them input on their issues either. If I don't remind him about the challenges (i.e., buying a new car, looking for a new job, etc.) they want our advice on, he would never reach out to them to assist. I am not sure if this is a personality trait I must live with or if you have some ideas to improve this situation. -- ALL ABOUT HIM

DEAR ALL ABOUT HIM: Has it occurred to you that in some areas your husband may be less self-centered than an empty vessel? He may not help you with your daily issues because he doesn't have the answers.

Assuming you have talked to him about this until you are blue in the face, the next time he asks for your input, you might consider being less helpful. Or, beat him to the punch and tell him about your problems before he has a chance to tell you the ones he is having.

As to your adult children, they should go directly to their father when they seek his advice and continue to approach him until they get it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend I've known for 25 years and I consider to be family. We recently had a falling-out because I set some boundaries I feel are necessary for my own wellness as I grow into my 40s. The boundaries revolve around disrespectful or belittling speech.

My friend is gay and excuses the disrespect as the way his community speaks among themselves. He often calls me the b-word in fun, as well as similar names. I have told him it hurts me, but he refuses to acknowledge it, dismissing it as "you know, since high school that's how we talk." He might show some restraint at times, but when he's drinking (which is often), he reverts back to making cruel or hurtful comments.

I am now a single mother, looking to grow and evolve into a better person, rebuild my self-esteem and possibly find a partner in life, but my friend keeps pulling me back into a dark place every time we speak. I care too much about him to walk away from this friendship. What can I do? -- BOUNDARIES SET IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BOUNDARIES: You have already taken the first step. You told your friend (frenemy?) you will no longer tolerate being called a b---- or any other offensive name. For some in the gay community this may be considered "fun," but it ISN'T funny to you. That he would continue doing this after you expressed that it hurt your feelings makes me wonder if he values your relationship as much as you do.

Maintain your boundaries by leaving his presence if he uses that language. Oh, and one more thing: When you know he's been drinking, avoid him because, if you don't, you know what will follow.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old woman who has been with my fiance for eight years. Before we decided to become a couple, I made clear to him that if he had no intention of moving south once my kids graduate, he should not get into a relationship with me. When we got together, I assumed he understood and would be moving with me. We have bought vehicles together and a house.

Earlier this year, he took me on a cruise and proposed. Again I made it clear about my plans to move south and told him not to give me a ring if he didn't plan on going. Well, here we are all these years later, and we have been fighting because I have only a year before I can leave. Is it wrong of me to not feel bad about moving considering I made my intentions clear more than once?

It has long been my dream to move south. I believe he's on the fence about it, but I know deep down he doesn't want to. I won't feel bad leaving him behind since he knew I was going. I feel like eight years of my life have been wasted. -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If you two have been happy together during the last eight years, they weren't "wasted." They may simply be one more chapter in your life. Rather than fight, you and your fiance (or are the two of you married now?) need to have a calm, serious discussion about what's going to happen, because if he isn't on board for at least giving southern living a try, you two will have to separate your assets (house, cars) before you relocate. It may be less expensive emotionally and financially if you can keep things amicable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 48, about to be 49 in less than a month. I have had mostly good health, but I do have high anxiety because of some trauma from my past. With the world now in hibernation and many of my peers passing away due to illness or some other tragedy, I'm feeling very much like I could be the next to die. I'm not suicidal, but I have had "premonitions" in the past about events that later came true. For some reason, I have been feeling like I am close to death recently, and it scares me. How do I snap out of this preoccupation with death? -- STRANGE FEELINGS

DEAR STRANGE: Turn off the news! Quit reading about and listening to the body counts. They are enough to scare anyone to death. In a sense, we are all "close to death" -- it's just a question of when. You will increase your chances of survival if you pay attention to what the medical experts have been saying.

The message is simple: If you are in fragile physical condition, hunker down and limit your exposure. Stay in contact with friends by cellphone or your computer. If you are healthy and can go out for exercise or to shop, wear a face mask in the presence of others, wash your hands often and practice social distancing. However, if your anxiety persists, discuss it with your physician, who may be able to prescribe something to calm you down.

TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, begins at sundown. During this solemn 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of my Jewish readers -- may your fast be an easy one. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I feel uncomfortable receiving gifts, and I find it hard to meet my husband's requests for constant gifts, especially when I feel I already give so much. He constantly asks me to buy him things, some of which are very expensive.

I'm a saver, not a spender, and I try to watch my budget. I already pay all the household bills, even though we make the same amount of money. I owned my house before we met, and he chips in with occasional upgrades and maintenance or takes me out to dinner once in a while. But I pay for the vast majority of expenses, as well as perform the majority of chores. I have sacrificed and paid for all our vacations because I wanted the experience, and I accept that.

The problem is, he seems to feel unappreciated, suggesting that if I gifted him more often, he would know he was constantly thought of. He says he buys me random gifts -- usually small items to which there are strings attached or implied reciprocity. These requests, especially when he buys for himself quite a bit, seem like a smack in the face to me. I feel he's impulsive with purchases, and won't be happy until I have nothing left.

How do I handle meeting my husband's need for constant validation without going bankrupt or having all the love sucked out from resentment? Mentioning my financial limitations doesn't seem to quench his thirst for more. -- EXCESSIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR EXCESSIVE: If my reading of your letter is accurate, you are doing all the heavy lifting in your marriage. What, exactly, is your husband contributing except to ask for more? Gifts are supposed to be freely given, not dispensed because they are requested.

Whether your husband is greedy, selfish or extremely needy, I can't guess, but the balance is off in your marriage. This is why I'm recommending you consult a marriage and family therapist. If your husband is willing to go with you and discuss these issues, they can be resolved. If not, please go alone so you can gain clearer insight into what (and whom) you are dealing with.

DEAR ABBY: My mother likes to tell people where to sit at every family gathering. It can be anywhere, including at a restaurant or even at my aunt's house. It's annoying and feels disrespectful.

I'm 49, and my girls are in their early 20s. I try to be patient, but she doesn't consider health conditions or if someone is left-handed.

My older daughter was severely traumatized by a former neighbor and doesn't do well with strangers. A few years ago, my cousin's boyfriend came, and my mother ordered my daughter to sit next to him. It was horrible for my daughter. We tried one more time last year at a restaurant, and it was the same. Since then, we have skipped family gatherings. I don't know why she feels she has to tell us what to do. Please help. -- PUSHED AROUND IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PUSHED: Have you talked to your mother about this? She may, for whatever reason, need to feel she is in control. If she isn't hosting the gathering, this may be her way of maintaining dominance in her relationship with her sister, her children and grandchildren.

I'm not sure you can change your mother, but please don't cut yourself off from the rest of your family. If you aren't seeing them individually, please consider it.