DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws. He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor, but he ignores me and takes me for granted, personally, emotionally and sexually. He'd rather watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch.

He looks at pornography online, and I catch him often. Even if he's busy at work, he finds time for everybody but me. He always has excuses.

Since I married him, I have supported him and have gone the extra mile in all aspects -- his work, church activities. I have waited on him and made sure all his needs were met. Now I have reached the end of the line, and I want to leave. But if I do, people who know him will make me the villain.

Although we still live under one roof for financial reasons, now I separate myself from him, look after him less and sleep in another room with my dog. Please, Abby, give me your views. -- DONE WITH IT IN MAINE

DEAR DONE: It appears your husband has already checked out of this marriage-in-name-only. Stop being afraid of being labelled a villain and offer your husband the option of couples counseling to see if the two of you can reconnect. Take into consideration that there may be more involved than you are aware of (ED problems, another woman). If your husband refuses, and you haven't already done so, confide what has been happening in two or three close female friends. They can then spread the word that there is more than one side to the story. Then talk to an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my mother-in-law moved into a nursing home and was very sad to be leaving the house she had lived in for 50 years. My husband, devastated at the thought of someone else owning his childhood home, convinced me to sell our house and buy the house from my mother-in-law. We moved in and began renovating it with the intention that it would become our forever home.

The problem is, everyone regards it as their home, not ours. His adult children, his brother and his nieces all come and go as they please. I have talked to my husband about locking the front door, but he often forgets.

His family members come into our house and make a mess or eat our food or sit out on our deck. Then they act like I need to accept it, as it's their family house. I could maybe understand if we had inherited the house, but we pay the mortgage on it.

I'm out of patience. How do I get my in-laws to once and for all see that this house is not theirs but ours? -- DESPERATE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DESPERATE: I assume you have been hesitant to tell these in-laws that the names on the deed to the house are yours and your husband's. If you haven't said it plainly, the time to do it is now. You don't have to be nasty, but you do have to convey that you would like guests to call before coming over to be sure it's convenient. This is not too much to ask.

It goes without saying (I sincerely hope) that they shouldn't mess the place up or help themselves to your food uninvited. Your husband should back you up on this. Because he sometimes forgets to lock the door, that responsibility is one you will have to assume. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My hairdresser, former neighbor and friend recommended her unemployed brother to do some minor repairs to my home. He and his sister were trying to push me into a relationship. I am a widow with no children. I have no mortgages, car notes, etc. I'm not wealthy, but I am well set.

My hairdresser recently mentioned that her brother was using crack cocaine again. I'm furious that she didn't disclose her brother's addiction sooner. Should I let it go or confront her about this? I really don't want to lose my hairdresser. -- STYLED RIGHT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STYLED: You are certainly free to ask your hairdresser why she didn't tell you her brother had a crack habit before recommending him to do repairs in your home. It's a fair question, if nothing is missing and the repairs were done properly. Refrain from doing it while you are angry. If you hang onto your temper, there is no reason why your relationship with the woman should end.

As to a relationship with the brother, no law says you must have one with him. You don't have to be confrontational, but be less available. As you spend more time with other people, he will get the message.

DEAR ABBY: My son (age 30) is getting a liver transplant soon, and my ex-husband (son's father) refuses to use personal protective equipment in his encounters with others because he thinks his civil liberties are being violated. We don't communicate often because the new wife is a very unpleasant person who took my house away 10 years ago. I'm OK with that because I landed on my feet in a much better situation, but I do not trust her or speak to her.

I have left posts on Facebook requesting that those who intend to help my son use PPE for at least two weeks before seeing him. So far, my ex has not responded. How can I get him to understand that this is HIS child and not wearing PPE could kill him? -- COVID CONCERNED IN GEORGIA

DEAR COVID CONCERNED: Your son's transplant specialist should be asked to send your ex a registered letter explaining the precautions that must be taken if he visits his son and how important they are. I am crossing my fingers that the doctor will do it. But your son must understand that if Daddy is unwilling to cooperate, HE (your son), not you, is the person who must enforce that rule because he will be immuno-compromised, and his life depends on it. As much as you might wish to, you cannot police every encounter Daddy has with his adult son.

DEAR ABBY: My son (age 30) is getting a liver transplant soon, and my ex-husband (son's father) refuses to use personal protective equipment in his encounters with others because he thinks his civil liberties are being violated. We don't communicate often because the new wife is a very unpleasant person who took my house away 10 years ago. I'm OK with that because I landed on my feet in a much better situation, but I do not trust her or speak to her.

I have left posts on Facebook requesting that those who intend to help my son use PPE for at least two weeks before seeing him. So far, my ex has not responded. How can I get him to understand that this is HIS child and not wearing PPE could kill him? -- COVID CONCERNED IN GEORGIA

DEAR COVID CONCERNED: Your son's transplant specialist should be asked to send your ex a registered letter explaining the precautions that must be taken if he visits his son and how important they are. I am crossing my fingers that the doctor will do it. But your son must understand that if Daddy is unwilling to cooperate, HE (your son), not you, is the person who must enforce that rule because he will be immuno-compromised, and his life depends on it. As much as you might wish to, you cannot police every encounter Daddy has with his adult son.

DEAR ABBY: A friend's wife died six months ago after a 10-year battle with cancer. He was her faithful caretaker, as she was mostly homebound and bedridden. He told me previously that he has had a female friend for the last four years. He didn't say, but I think she comes "with benefits" (i.e., they have been intimate). Her office and his workplace regularly interact, and he knows her family and her kids.

He likes me, and I like him. During this initial grief period -- perhaps even for a year -- I wish to only be friends, and I have told him we are not going to be intimate anytime soon. As his grief lessens, it is possible that he and I may eventually date. But I don't feel good about his female friend, and I wouldn't want her in our space at all, not even as a casual friend. If they have been lovers, I would want him to cut ALL ties with her.

Abby, how likely is a widower to carry forward the (likely) mistress he had during the wife's protracted illness? -- WAITING IN THE WINGS

DEAR WAITING: Very likely! Although I wish you good hunting, you may be four years too late to bag this buck.

DEAR ABBY: My 28-year-old daughter is having our first grandchild. My daughter and I have a good relationship, but she doesn't want me to be around when she goes into labor.

All her life I have been the most loving and caring mother I could be to her. She has a great husband. Should I take it personally that she doesn't want me there when she goes into labor?

I have waited a long time to be a grandmother. I feel she should be happy to have me around. I'm deeply hurt that she won't let me be with her during this beautiful moment in her life. What do you think? -- SADDENED IN OREGON

DEAR SADDENED: This isn't about you, and I urge you not to personalize this as you are doing. Childbirth may, indeed, be a "beautiful moment," but it is also a challenge. This challenge is one your daughter may prefer to face with her husband at her side -- if even he is allowed to be there because of the pandemic. There will be plenty of beautiful moments you can share with your grandchild in the future, so concentrate on those.

DEAR ABBY: I have stayed in contact with my college friends, but sad to say, many of my fellow students are now gone for good. I went to a reunion and met classmates I was close to back in the 1960s. How circumstances and personalities have changed.

Do you believe that once a person makes a move, either out of school or a job, that it's all over? You can't go back and relive old times, and if you return to the community, it isn't the same as if you never left? -- SENTIMENTAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Time marches on, and people often grow and change as they mature. Some -- not all -- people maintain childhood and college friendships into their senior years. But geographical distance can cause those ties to loosen. Although we can't relive the old times, we can reminisce. But as the old saying goes, we can't go home again.