DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been friends with another couple for more than 50 years. The four of us have shared lots of good times together.

After recent open heart surgery, the husband became very depressed and talked to his wife about "ending it all." She asked me to take the few handguns (all legal) they had in their home to be safe. I didn't feel I could say no. I'm not interested in guns, but it seemed a simple request. So she "snuck" them out to me during our last visit.

When the husband discovered what his wife had done, she told him about my role in it. He now demands I return his guns and says he no longer wants anything to do with me. His wife wants me to hold onto them for now.

What should I do? -- TORN OVER THIS

DEAR TORN: From what I have been told, depression after heart surgery is not unusual. Hang onto the guns and urge the wife to report her husband's threat to harm himself to his doctors and let them guide her. She should also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which is 800-273-8255. Someone who has talked about suicide should not have easy access to the means to do it.

DEAR ABBY: Since this coronavirus pandemic started, I have seen lots of articles stressing the importance of staying connected to elderly family members, friends and those living alone. My husband and I have each other, so we are sheltering in place. Although we have eight grandkids who all live within 50 miles, we haven't heard a word from any of them, whether via phone, email or text, all of which we do. How bad is that? -- DISCONNECTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISCONNECTED: If you have reached out to your grandchildren and been ignored, shame on them. If you haven't, it's time you did. Sometimes young people become so engrossed in their daily lives they forget about anything else. But that's what parents are for, to "remind" them that reaching out to someone who needs a kind word (or an errand run during a pandemic) can be rewarding not only for the receiver but also for the giver. Parents should remind them to take five minutes occasionally to text Grandma.

DEAR ABBY: I started and completed a college fund for my two daughters. Only one of them used it. The other joined the military and used the GI Bill for college instead of the money from the college fund ($10,000). Am I obligated to give her that money? I did pull it out of the fund and have it in a certificate. I figure when she buys a house, I'll give it to her then. -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: Check with the bank to make sure there won't be a problem if the college fund money isn't used for your daughter's education. If you can apply it elsewhere in a way that will benefit her -- and part of a down payment on a house would definitely qualify -- I think it would be wonderful. But check first.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were married 30 years when we ran into an old girlfriend (and ex-fiancee) of mine at a function. I spent a good part of the evening dancing with her and ignoring my wife. My wife says I was "indecent" with the girlfriend, and it hurt her badly.

It was 20 years ago, but my wife lets me hear about it every day. I can't take it any longer. She refuses to get help or forgive me. Our marriage has gone downhill ever since. What do you recommend I do to make it up to her? I've tried a few things, to no avail. -- PAST ISN'T IN THE PAST

DEAR PAST: Your performance at that function must have been deeply humiliating to your wife. Was your regrettable behavior with your ex-fiancee a one-time thing or has it happened since?

You stated this happened 20 years ago and you have attempted to make amends to no avail. Unless there's more to this story than you have written, it appears your wife enjoys carrying a grudge and punishing you -- which is, in my opinion, worse than what you did.

Please quit allowing her to continue to punish you. Get counseling if you need to, and offer her the option of counseling again. Understand that if she refuses, you have important decisions to make about your future. Discuss with your therapist what emotionally healthy options there may be for you, but don't continue to settle for the status quo.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's mother passed away recently after a long illness. She lived in another state. He couldn't be there while she was sick or when she died because he was also ill. He carries a lot of guilt about it.

I saw a cellphone message from her before she died, saying she was dying and asking him to come help her. I deleted it because hearing it would have put added stress on him and made him sicker. Now I feel guilty. Should I keep quiet or confess? He still is not well. -- GUILTY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR GUILTY: You made a rational choice for a solid reason when you decided to delete the message instead of sharing it with your husband. If you feel you must "confess," disclose it to your spiritual adviser or someone you can trust who is closer to you than I am. Personally, considering the state of your husband's health, I think the choice you made was the correct one.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating my widower boyfriend for four years, and for my birthday this year he gave me an inexpensive tea kettle. (I don't drink tea.) I had been hinting that I would love a piece of fine jewelry because I have never received anything like that from him. Should I say something? A pretty necklace or a bottle of my favorite cologne are things I would have preferred -- something thoughtful and meaningful. I feel sad and unappreciated. -- ANONYMOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You appear to be involved with someone who has little imagination or is frugal to a fault. Tell your widower boyfriend (of four years) how you felt about receiving a kettle for your birthday, because you hoped for something that showed he had given more thought to what you might prefer. Then, instead of hinting, educate him about the items on your wish list when your next birthday rolls around.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced after a 19-year marriage, and to my great shock, I already find myself in love with another man. I didn't come out of the marriage looking for anyone, nor did I think I'd ever marry again, but this man wants to marry me, and I'm seriously considering it.

We bonded when he contacted me to offer support after he heard about my divorce, and it was love at "second" sight. Why "second"? Because we grew up together -- literally next door -- and he's my first cousin.

Despite the societal taboo, it is legal in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic issues with offspring aren't a concern. We're both sterile and have no ability (or desire) for more children. My siblings suspect and aren't pleased with the situation. His parents know and are happy for us.

Am I crazy to think I'm in love again this quickly? It doesn't feel too fast because we've always known each other and been close; it's just that the form of love has changed. How do we break it to the rest of the family? The world? People can be so judgmental, even though in many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to marry your cousin. -- SECRET LOVE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SECRET LOVE: You are not "crazy," but you may be in an altered mental state, as many recently divorced people have found themselves. They describe it as a kind of high.

If you are wise -- and I hope you are -- you will slow this romance down and allow enough time for your family to become accustomed to the changed circumstances of your relationship with your cousin. The "world" isn't going to care about this the way your family does, so don't concern yourself with explaining anything to the general public. (How often have you asked couples to explain if they are related in addition to marriage? Not many, I'll bet.)

My advice is to let this new relationship evolve more slowly. If you do, the outcome may be more positive than if you hurtle to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I have the best wife and daughter ever, and here's my dilemma. My daughter lives in another state and would love us to build a second home nearby to be closer to their family.

My wife and I are nearly 80 and very active. I play tennis or pickleball every day. My wife walks an hour to an hour and a half every morning. We are happiest when we are active. Where my daughter lives is not conducive to walking, and my wife would be very unhappy.

Please don't suggest a gym or a treadmill -- been there, done that. Plus, my wife has no desire to take on the added burden of a second house. We just downsized five years ago. How do I keep the two women in my life happy? -- FIGURING IT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR FIGURING: Recognize that it won't be possible to make both women happy. Your first loyalty should be to your wife.

Explain to your daughter that you know she means well, but that at your ages (80), your routine is extremely important. (It's true.) That routine may be what keeps you as healthy as you are. Back it up with the fact that two homes would be too much for you and her mother to manage, which is why you have both decided -- as much as you love her -- to keep things as they are. And stick to it. Your daughter can visit you, and you can visit her, but stay where you are.