life

News of Another Pregnancy Is Unwelcome Surprise to Stepdad

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 4th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 10 years keeps all kinds of secrets from me. We let her adult daughter, "Maude," move in. Maude is 35 and has one daughter. I recently found out that Maude is pregnant again. I heard they had decided to "surprise me" with the news. (The father is the same guy as before.) I'm tired of being the third wheel, and I think it's time for me to call it quits. What do you think? -- STAY OR GO IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR STAY OR GO: I'm glad you asked. What I think is that you are outnumbered. Maude should be living on her own or with the father of her children. If I am reading between the lines correctly, you have allowed yourself to be stuck with the financial burden that Maude and her irresponsible boyfriend should be carrying. I also think it's time you gave your wife an ultimatum -- either Maude and her daughter move out or you will. Whichever option she chooses, your situation will improve.

Marriage & DivorceMoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Happy Wife Is Tempted to Try a Threesome

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 4th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for five years. Before meeting my husband, I never thought I would find "the one." Recently, I have been having feelings of wanting to experience sleeping with a woman. I've always been sexually adventurous, and I have mentioned a threesome, but he isn't interested.

I don't want to die without experiencing sex with a woman, but I also love my husband dearly, and we have a great partnership that I don't want to destroy. Help! -- WOMAN SEEKS WOMAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR WOMAN: It's time for another frank conversation with your husband. Explain clearly that although you love him dearly and do not want to destroy your partnership, you are bi-curious and you would like to experience sex with a woman. However, if his reaction is negative, you must then decide how important fulfilling this fantasy is to you in light of the fact that it could threaten your marriage.

Marriage & DivorceSexLGBTQ
life

Stay-at-Home Mom Craves Alone Time With Husband

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 4th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mother. My husband works Monday to Friday, 10 hours a day. We have been married nearly four years. My problem is we never have alone time. I feel if it continues, we will just fall apart.

On weekends, we sit home, and it's claustrophobic. We have only one vehicle, which he needs to use, so during the week, I'm stuck at home. Being home 24/7 is driving me nuts. We never get out and have family time or a date night. I tell him we need it, but he doesn't seem to care. Could you guide me on what to do? -- IN NEED OF COUPLES' TIME

DEAR IN NEED: Stop telling your husband "we" need a date night and say instead, "I need this! If you want our marriage to survive, you will take me out of here so we can spend time without the kid (or kids) because I feel like I'm going nuts."

A date night every few weeks or once a month isn't too much to ask for. If he is worried about the expense, make sure he knows a hamburger, a sandwich, a drive alone with him is what you need. But if he still doesn't seem to care, then your problem is greater than cabin fever.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Happy Love Life Turns Best Friend Into a Debbie Downer

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 3rd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been lucky enough to have fallen madly in love with the most wonderful man in the world. We have been together for two years and living together for almost a year. I'm in my mid-30s; he's in his mid-40s. We both have had plenty of experience in love -- enough to feel sure that we've found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

My best friend has been very disparaging of our relationship and makes rude comments about it. If I tell her how happy we are in spite of the pandemic, she says it's because we're still in the "honeymoon phase." If I describe something kind that my boyfriend has done for me, she adopts a condescending tone and makes remarks about "new love" and that I should enjoy this now because it will change.

She's the same age I am and has been with her fiance for nine years. I have always been very supportive of their relationship, but she seems incapable of offering me the same level of support in my love life. When I try to talk to her about something she has said or done that bothers me, she often becomes aggressive, and I don't know how to approach this subject without getting into an argument or losing our friendship. What should I do? -- PROUDLY LUCKY IN LOVE

DEAR PROUDLY LUCKY: Could your friend be suffering from a touch of jealousy because you constantly extoll your boyfriend's virtues? Her cynicism may have something to do with the fact that she and her fiance have been together for nine years with no marriage in sight.

If you can't talk to her about sensitive issues without her becoming aggressive or you being afraid of losing the friendship, it doesn't take a crystal ball to see the two of you are growing increasingly distant with the passage of time. I do think you should ask your friend why she reacts the way she does and tell her how it makes you feel. It may be the only way to save your friendship.

Love & DatingFriends & NeighborsCOVID-19
life

Kids Playing Naked Outside Raise Eyebrows

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 3rd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: At what age is it no longer appropriate for children to play naked while outside in their yard?

We are a childless couple in our 60s who live in a suburban neighborhood in the Northeast. A new couple moved here with their children, a boy and a girl, who appear to be about 5 and 8 years old. Both of them often are naked while playing in their yard. This happens in all kinds of weather, not just when it's extremely hot.

We all have fairly large yards, but none of the yards in the neighborhood are private. Neighbors on both sides of this family and anyone walking up or down the street can see the children. We are not prudes, but this happens frequently, and it makes us uncomfortable. Is it time for us to move? -- AVERTING MY EYES

DEAR AVERTING: Five- and 8-year-old minors are too old to be naked in public. Pay a visit to your new neighbors' house and introduce yourself. Ask why the kids play outside with no clothes on. Gauge what you learn, and if you suspect neglect or abuse, report it to Child Protective Services.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Toddler Uses Foul Language She Learned From Her Dad

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 2nd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Although he has never hit me, my husband has been emotionally and verbally abusive ever since our wedding five years ago. One of his favorite names for me when he's angry is "F----n' B----." I know this is my fault because I have tolerated it.

Today, my 2 1/2-year-old daughter (who is usually a good girl) threw a tantrum and called me the same name twice. I try to discipline her, but she doesn't understand that she's saying something bad if Daddy can call me that. How can she? He blames me for her talking that way, saying he hasn't called me that in a month. (He called me that last week. I don't use that language.)

I have suggested marriage counseling in the past, but he refused. I can't leave him because I am seven months pregnant with our second child. How do I get both of them to respect me? -- DISRESPECTED IN THE EAST

DEAR DISRESPECTED: You know that appointment you wanted to make for you and your husband with a licensed marriage and family therapist? Make one for yourself, right now, because what's going on isn't healthy for you or your little girl.

Your husband demeans you because from the moment you married him you have allowed it. Your 2-year-old isn't being disrespectful when she calls you what her father does. Children her age want attention, and they are mimics. Giving them attention when they use bad language reinforces them to do it more.

Please do as I'm suggesting before you conceive a third child. From your description of your relationship with your husband, his verbal abuse and the disrespect it conveys WILL be an example for your children that will follow them into adulthood.

AbuseFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Widow With New Life Cuts Ties With Old Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 2nd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old mother of two (ages 9 and 11). My husband and I have built a beautiful life together. We live in close proximity to his family, whom I absolutely love.

My question involves my own family. My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. We were very close, so it is an ongoing struggle for me. My mother has since disowned me and my children. She's a textbook narcissist who has said many very hurtful things and has a new man and new life. Our relationship was always strained, and I knew it wouldn't be the same without Dad because he was the glue.

I have come to terms with this for myself, but we haven't talked to our children about it. How do I explain to them that their grandma doesn't want to be a part of their life? They love her and ask about her often, so I keep making stuff up.

She won't answer phone calls from me or my husband. I believe she has us blocked. She has also blocked us on social media along with other family members.

I want my kids to know the truth, but I don't want to hurt them. How can I do this? -- MOTHERLESS IN OHIO

DEAR MOTHERLESS: Stick as close to the truth as you can, with some editing. If your children ask about their grandmother, explain that people deal with the death of a loved one in different ways. In your mother's case, "She needed to look forward and not look back. Because your grandfather's death was so painful, she is concentrating on things other than family, and although we might miss her, we should be comforted that she has found a way to cope. It may not be what we would have wished, but it is her way, and we have to respect it and go on with our own lives."

Family & ParentingDeath

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