DEAR ABBY: I cut off contact with a friend I'll call "Mick" after my wife and I had our first child. He was a gambling addict, an alcoholic and a serial abuser of women. He was violent when he drank and once broke my nose because of some perceived slight.

Mick had a troubled childhood and then served in the Army in Afghanistan and Iraq. By the time he returned home, his mental health was extremely compromised, and I believe this is what led to most, if not all, of his issues and shortcomings.

I have always believed that, at heart, Mick is a good person. As someone who suffers from mental illness myself, I feel I can understand his issues on some level. I would like to reconnect with him, but I need to protect myself and my family, both emotionally and physically. How might I approach rekindling a relationship with Mick in a safe and reasonable way? -- MISSING A FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: Drop that idea. You are not a therapist, and you can't "fix" what's wrong with Mick. The man is a violent abuser, and you have no proof that he has sought counseling for his issues. Offering the hand of friendship to someone who broke your nose because he had been drinking could be dangerous for you and your family. Your first responsibility is their safety.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I befriended the most adorable older couple. They invite us over and they love lunching together. They are terrific company, and we always enjoy our time with them.

During our last visit, they were cooking lunch, and it was apparent that they don't wash their hands when preparing food. Because of the coronavirus, we aren't comfortable eating at their house anymore. We would be happy to bring something over, but they are set in their ways and like to prepare their own food. We tried saying we can't stay for lunch, but once we are with them, they start putting out the food. What advice can you give us? -- STAYING SAFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STAYING SAFE: Go online and check to see whether you can pick up the coronavirus from food. One would think that if the food is hot, the virus wouldn't survive the cooking process. Have you considered inviting them to your place instead?

If you think this charming couple's food puts you at risk of catching something unpleasant -- like salmonella -- the next time you are invited, lower your risk by bringing food for all of you. If they argue, tell them you are reciprocating their hospitality, which may have been one-sided if you have eaten there often. However, if they question you further, tell them the truth. While it may cool the relationship, it will increase your chances of staying healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away recently. I bought a small life insurance policy 24 years ago to provide for his final expenses and to help his widow at the time of death. After paying for expenses, I plan to leave what's left to his widow. My husband is nudging me to deduct the premium I paid for the policy, but I don't feel comfortable about it. I'm not sure what I should do. Any suggestions? -- WONDERING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WONDERING: This was your brother and this is your sister-in-law. Tune your "helpful" husband out and follow your conscience.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend lives with us, and I love him like a brother. The problem is, he has no degree and no car and aspires to nothing more than work in fast food part time. We took him in to help him get through a bad divorce, and now it seems like he'll never be able to leave.

He doesn't make enough money to support himself and has no ambition for completing his education. My husband is convinced there is no path for him to better himself. Since I'm supporting all three of us, this has become a serious bone of contention. How can I improve this situation? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You should not be supporting all three of you. Be prepared to be the "bad guy" and stop the gravy train now. Your husband's best friend's career limitations should not be your problem, so give him a deadline to leave and insist upon it, with the help of your husband. If that doesn't solve your problem, you may need the help of a lawyer for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: When I had my two children in my 40s, I had zero idea of how hard it would be. One has autism; the other has ADHD. My child with ADHD is very self-confident and refuses to do what we ask him to do. He's 15 and very smart, but he's not able to take care of himself.

When do you stop being "the parent" and let them take care of themselves? Parenting is much harder than anything I've ever done. -- DIFFICULT IN TEXAS

DEAR DIFFICULT: Some parents start teaching their children to be independent well before their teens by giving them responsibilities. Others do it as their children mature and feel that by age 18 or 21 their supervision is no longer necessary. There are also parents who feel their job is never over and encourage their adult children to remain dependent into their 30s, 40s and beyond.

Unfortunately, parenthood doesn't come with a rule book, so the decision about when and how to step back is up to you and their father, if he is present in their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I have four nieces I adore. As they're getting older, preteen to teen, I give them checks for birthdays and holidays. I have told them I do it because I want them to learn about banking, saving money for college, as well as enjoying some of it. My grandmother did the same for me when I was their age, and that's how I learned to manage the money I have.

I have noticed, though, that my nieces haven't deposited their checks. I mentioned it to them a few times and their mom said they would, but they haven't. It has been five months now. Should I just give them cash in the future and forget about the banking and money-management lesson? -- LESSONS LEARNED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LESSONS: If this is the first time you have noticed the checks haven't been cashed, it's possible that they have been lost or misplaced. If this isn't the first time, then ask their mother how she would prefer you give your nieces the money in the future, because it's possible that she hasn't set up accounts for them.

DEAR ABBY: Something has been bothering me for a long time. When I attend family functions, I become extremely bored. Whether they are birthday parties or Christmas Eve celebrations, they bore me to tears. To be honest, I would prefer not to attend, but I don't want to offend anyone. Must I continue to be polite, or can I just stop attending? If I had more money I would move farther away. Please offer an opinion. -- BORED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BORED: Gladly. You don't have more money, and moving away is not an option. I'm sure this has been less of an issue recently because of the pandemic. Family celebrations are more about support and solidarity than scintillation. While it would be understandable that you might not be available for each and every event, if you skip more than you go to, there will be hurt feelings. So, in my opinion, once the pandemic is behind us, you should go. Rather than dwell on being "entertained," concentrate on making the occasion enjoyable for others. You might also consider doing what I have observed politicians doing, which is making an appearance at these gatherings and leaving early.

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently divorced. Because of my work schedule and moving to a smaller place, I no longer am able to properly care for our family cat. My kids (all under 10) barely acknowledge her, so I put an ad in the paper. A family called, came to see her one day and took her home with them while the kids were at school. I told them that "Frisky" was going to go to a new home, but I didn't know when until the day it happened. Now I'm the bad guy since the kids never got to say goodbye.

I contacted the new family and asked if we could come visit her to say goodbye. They reluctantly agreed but won't be available for a few weeks. Their young daughter has bonded with Frisky.

In your opinion, which is better for kids -- to visit Frisky in her new home and say goodbye, or just let time heal this wound? -- BAD MOM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR BAD MOM: Losing a pet is something children never forget. The pain of losing Frisky will heal more quickly if your children see for themselves that their pet has a home in which she's well taken care of and a family that loves her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 63-year-old reader, widowed for eight years. I'd like to date and marry again, but I have one concern. Many men lose sexual potency with age. (I believe in waiting until after marriage.) At what point is it appropriate to address this issue? I don't want it to seem as if I wish to remarry only for sex. I might consider marrying for companionship if everything else was good, but I think it's something I should know before marrying. -- KAY IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR KAY: I agree with your last statement. It's important to know what you're buying into before taking on the challenge of marriage. That's why, in order to avoid any surprises, you should ask your question as soon as the relationship starts to appear serious.