life

Young Man Debates Merits of Keeping His Virginity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 26th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old male who is still a virgin. I always wanted to be intimate with a virgin female for my first time, but I have never met one. I've had opportunities for sex but refrained because she wasn't a virgin. The older I have gotten, the harder it has become to achieve my dream of being someone's first and sharing this wonderful experience together. I doubt there are any virgin females my age left.

I know I have missed out on an important aspect of life that so many others have had. Should I start dating younger women, or let go of my fairy-tale first-time fantasy and have sex with just anybody, knowing I'll regret it? Or should I hold out longer and wait for another virgin to come into my life? -- FAIRY-TALE DREAM

DEAR FAIRY-TALE DREAM: Consider pushing the pause button on your fantasy until the pandemic is under control, and do nothing that you know you'll regret. Before going forward, figure out why sex with another virgin is so important to you. Once you have the answer to that, consider what you have to offer a girl like the one you fantasize about. Many virgins are saving themselves for marriage. If you are willing to wait until marriage to fulfill your fantasy, you may find what you're looking for. (Or not.)

COVID-19Sex
life

Introverted Daughter Is Unwelcome on Couple's Weekend Getaways

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 26th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 55 and recently started dating "Paul," a 54-year-old man. His 26-year-old daughter, "Andrea," lives with him. My problem is, she invites herself along on our weekend getaways, small trips, etc. He tells me he knows it's a problem. Andrea is a college graduate working for her dad's company, but she has no outside interests, no social skills and she's afraid to talk to people one-on-one. She also doesn't care about her appearance.

Paul doesn't know what to do. His daughter doesn't want to live with her mom, and he's trying to get her acclimated to being her own person and independent. I suggested a life coach. He knows he enables her to a certain extent. Other than this issue, our relationship is wonderful. Please help. -- THREE'S A CROWD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: It should be obvious that Paul's attempts to help his daughter not only haven't worked, but may have contributed to her problem. She needs professional help for her severe social anxiety. Start with her physician. Her doctor or insurance company can refer her to someone qualified. Her father should insist upon this, rather than continue to enable her.

Self-WorthMental HealthLove & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Divorced Woman Is Attracted Only to Married Men

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 26th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was cheated on by my ex-husband. Since our divorce, I am interested only in married men. I have been to therapy, but I can't seem to shake it. I hit on married men because I don't believe all men are faithful. Is this unhealthy, and what can I do about it? -- NOT RIGHT IN THE NORTH

DEAR NOT RIGHT: What you're doing is definitely unhealthy! You didn't mention how long ago your divorce happened, but hitting on married men may be your way of ensuring that you won't become so deeply involved your heart is broken again. Perhaps you will be less inclined to continue these liaisons if, before starting another one, you take a moment to consider their effect on the wives and children involved.

P.S. And since your first therapist was unable to help you, contact another one.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

Dad's 'Tall Tales' Come Up Ever Shorter on the Truth

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 25th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is in his 60s, has always been a storyteller, but since retirement his tales have gotten longer, and so has his nose.

I suspect he's concerned about his waning influence in the world and that's why he puffs himself up. He tells people he has academic degrees he hasn't earned, takes credit for coining phrases that predated him and claims the hero role in events he couldn't possibly have participated in.

Most of the time I let it go. But sometimes he starts spouting "facts" that are not only untrue but also potentially harmful, or he takes credit for work done by others who deserve the recognition.

Is there a way to call him on it that lets him save face? Speaking to him privately does nothing. When prodded in a more truthful direction, he becomes immediately hostile. Suggesting other ways for him to contribute to the world (volunteering, etc.) have been non-starters. Before you ask, he has been to the doctor and this behavior isn't the result of a medical issue. -- EMBARRASSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: It should be apparent to you by now that you can't change your father. His bids for respect and attention are sad, because the individuals being lied to usually learn the truth eventually.

Because we can't change the behavior of others, it's important to remember that we can change the way we react to them. Because correcting your father in public hasn't worked, if you catch him telling someone something you know is untrue -- and which could be harmful healthwise or financially -- contact the person privately and advise him or her to verify it with a doctor, lawyer or trusted financial adviser.

Self-WorthEtiquette & EthicsAgingFamily & Parenting
life

Man Falls in Love With Woman Who Keeps Him on a String

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 25th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced. Three years ago, I met a woman and had a brief relationship with her. She was estranged from her husband at the time. I fell deeply in love with her, but she decided to go back to him. It has been several years, and we have been "talking" again. She's now divorced, and she told me she has feelings for me. She's dating someone else, but she texts and calls me at least once a day.

I have sent her flowers and gifts for which she has thanked me, but despite all that she won't "date" me. I'm beside myself because I'm still very much in love with this woman. I know she loves me too, because she has said so. What do I do? I feel like pulling my hair out. Can you offer any advice? -- WON'T DATE ME

DEAR WON'T: You feel like pulling your hair out because you have been getting mixed messages from your love object. Women who love men rarely refuse to date them. Women who are honest and ethical do not date one man and text and call ex-boyfriends at the same time. My advice is to do a 180, "detoxify" and find a lady who is emotionally and physically available.

Love & Dating
life

Family Wishes To Acknowledge Friend's Support and Devotion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My family has suffered a great loss. My older sister died by suicide. My younger sister's best friend "Carrie" drove four hours from Michigan to be with our family. From the day after we found out and for almost a week, Carrie was by our side, comforting us, helping with arrangements and anything else that needed to be done. She even worked all night with our old family videos to digitize, edit and set them to music so it would be done in time for the wake.

Now, as we are beginning to write thank-you notes to all of those who were there for us, my family is wondering how we can express our gratitude to her for her support during this awful time. We would like to do or give her something special because we truly consider her to be a part of our family, but we don't know what. -- APPRECIATIVE IN THE EAST

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: The head of the family or your younger sister should write Carrie a letter telling her how much her kindness is appreciated and telling her she is now truly a member of the family. I'm sure it would mean the world to her. In addition, consider giving her something that belonged to your older sister, such as a piece of jewelry. Your younger sister should be the person to select it. A keepsake would, I am sure, be deeply appreciated and treasured.

Friends & NeighborsDeath
life

Man Lives Life With Name That's Not His Father's

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At age 17, my pregnant and unwed mother married a schoolmate of my biological father. I was given the schoolmate's last name. Several years later, my mother divorced her first husband and married my biological father. They discussed changing my last name to that of my bio father, but never did. I recently had DNA testing that proved this information to be accurate.

My last name is still not the name of my biological father, and I recently learned that the man named on my birth certificate was a rapist, an alcoholic and a bully. This is very upsetting, and I would like to legally change my name to match my actual father's. The problem is I'm now 70, married with wonderful kids and grandkids who are proud of our name. I don't want the fake daddy's name on my tombstone. Any advice for this distressed guy? -- DISTRESSED SENIOR MAN

DEAR DISTRESSED: Talk to your family about why you want the name change. Perhaps when they hear that the person whose name was thrust upon you was a rapist and substance abusing bully who mistreated your mother, they will be more understanding and less willing to cling to the name they are so "proud" of. If not, then suit yourself. I wish you luck.

Family & Parenting
life

Wife Would Inherit Man's Assets Despite Long Separation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 10 years, although he is still legally married. When we met, he and his wife had been separated for five years. Neither one had the money to get divorced. My question is, if anything should happen to my boyfriend, would she have claim to any of his assets? (He doesn't have much beyond his vehicle.) -- JUST WONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Yes, as his surviving spouse, she will be entitled to whatever assets he leaves behind, which includes the vehicle.

DeathMarriage & Divorce

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