DEAR ABBY: I'm part of a large, close-knit family. My mother and her sisters have condominiums in the same complex. One dear aunt is having a great deal of trouble with her memory and word retrieval. She recently stopped recognizing her daughter and no longer calls any of us by name.

The problem is, some of this aunt's children are in denial. They refuse to believe there's anything wrong with their mom and insist that she is showing signs of normal aging. They have stated this so strongly that the other siblings are afraid to raise the issue of an assessment for fear of angering them further. It is a very difficult family dynamic.

Normally, we wouldn't comment on or intervene in such a private matter. However, seeing my aunt deprived of a medical diagnosis and associated care that might alleviate her suffering, it is very hard to stay quiet. It may or may not be possible to reduce her symptoms, but it seems like it is elder abuse to rob her of the chance to try. Please advise. -- CONCERNED FOR AUNTIE

DEAR CONCERNED: Close family members are typically the first to notice memory issues or cognitive problems, but often they are hesitant to say something even when they know something is wrong. A recent Alzheimer's Association survey found that nearly 3 out of 4 Americans say talking to a close family member about memory loss, thinking problems or other signs of cognitive decline would be challenging.

Initiating these challenging conversations is important. Discussion can enable early diagnosis, which has important benefits, including better disease management, more time for critical care planning and providing diagnosed individuals a voice in their future care. It also provides an opportunity to address concerns before a crisis situation arises.

While our cognitive abilities decrease with age, your aunt's inability to recognize her own daughter is not a sign of normal aging. Helping relatives understand the seriousness of the situation as well as the important health benefits of receiving a proper diagnosis may convince them. If your aunt's children find it too difficult to have the conversation, another close relative, a friend perhaps, or her doctor can take the lead.

To encourage families to have these conversations, the Alzheimer's Association has partnered with the Ad Council in creating "Our Stories" (alz.org/ourstories). It features real stories of people who noticed changes in their loved ones and took the difficult step of having a conversation. It also offers customizable conversation starters, a list of early signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's, benefits of early diagnosis and a downloadable discussion help guide. In addition, the Alzheimer's Association's free 24/7 Helpline (800-272-3900) is available for families addressing these important conversations and other caregiving concerns.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. My 33-year-old boyfriend keeps badgering me to see each other. We live 15 miles apart.

I'm a 60-year-old man in pretty good health. Before this pandemic, I worked out every day at a gym, and I still do at home now. Every day he keeps asking me to either come visit or if he can come here. Because of this shelter-in-place advisory, I have been telling him I'm more at risk due to my age. He then tries to make me feel guilty by saying things like, "We are both fine; there's no need to worry," and, "OK. Fine! That's the last time I'm going to ask. See you next month ... maybe."

The thing is, he's a nurse in a hospital. I live with two roommates who are also in their 60s, and I don't want to compromise them or my living situation. Am I doing the right thing? What are the risks if I decide to go for a visit and be with him? -- UNEASY IN THE WEST

DEAR UNEASY: You are doing the intelligent thing. What your boyfriend is proposing is risky. Because you don't want to possibly risk exposing your roommates to COVID-19, you cannot travel back and forth.

In my opinion, your boyfriend has a moral and ethical responsibility not to put YOU at risk. Here in Los Angeles, some hospital employees who live in multigenerational households have arranged to live apart from their loved ones during this crisis to prevent possibly exposing their families to the virus -- an arrangement that in some cases lasts for months.

If your boyfriend was concerned about your welfare, he would not be trying to guilt or threaten you into seeing him. IF you agree to visit him and plan to continue, find an apartment in which you live alone and do not visit your roommates unless you have first been tested and quarantined.

DEAR ABBY: My 50-year-old estranged daughter-in-law was abused by her brother growing up, and her father defends the abuser, which upsets her no end. I'm friendly with her father because he has been nice to me, and this revelation was news to me.

My daughter-in-law sent an email to me and others saying how hurt she is. I would like to respond, but since I'm friendly with her father, I'm not sure what to say. I want to tell her I am deeply sorry for her having been abused because it is extremely traumatic. Do you have any advice for me?

I love my son and his family, and I don't understand how things got this way between us. They no longer speak to me or let me (or my wife) have a relationship with my grandchildren, whom we love very much. -- HURT FATHER-IN-LAW IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT: It is not surprising that your son and daughter-in-law are now estranged from you and don't want you around their children. Things got this way because you placed as high a priority on your friendship with the father who defends her abuser as you did on your relationship with your daughter-in-law. While you understand that what happened to her was traumatic, you seem unable to grasp just how painful it has been for her. By siding with the wrong person because he was nice to you, you have intensified her trauma.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 60s and have a swimming pool that our kids and grandkids like to visit. Our issue is that our granddaughter wears a bathing suit that shows her bum. It isn't a thong, but close to it.

She's 16 and starting her junior year of high school this year. It makes my husband and me uncomfortable, and we have told my daughter as much. Is this one of those situations where we either accept it or don't allow her to swim with such a suit?

I love my granddaughter and will put up with the way it makes us feel if that is where the line is drawn, but it is hard for us to understand. When she brings her friends, they dress the same way. What do you advise? -- UNCOMFORTABLE GRANDPARENTS

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: Because you and your spouse are uncomfortable with the amount of exposure your granddaughter and her friends display when they come to swim, you have the right to tell them to wear something less revealing. It's your pool, and the bottom line is it's your privilege to set the rules. Be prepared, however, for your granddaughter to not want to use your pool as often in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My father is 87 and has stage 4 cancer. For years he has lied about being a hospital corpsman in the Navy during the Korean War. My parents live in a retirement community, and he talks about being in the war while wearing a Navy baseball cap. Dad was in the Naval Reserve (that we know of) but never saw combat.

Veterans' groups are always bringing him quilts, food, etc. My mom is horrified and doesn't know what to say when he goes on a rant about having been hit by shrapnel while pulling a fellow naval guy out of a burning building. He will pass away soon, and the veterans' groups will be giving Mom a flag he doesn't deserve. Mom doesn't know what to do. Should we just ignore the antics or say something? Please help. -- UNCERTAIN IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: What your father has been doing is called "stolen valor" or "stolen honor," and it is seriously frowned upon by people who have actually earned it. It is a form of fraud. However, anyone who has served in the military and been honorably discharged is entitled to be given a flag when he or she is buried. It will be folded and presented to your mother.

As to the gifts he is receiving from the veterans' groups, suggest that because your father is now so close to the end, they be given to other vets who can use them.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a very sweet girl for the last four months, and I'm starting to have serious feelings for her. My children really like her, but she sat me down the other night and told me she's transgender. I'm crushed, and I don't know what to do. This blows my mind; please give me any guidance. I care a lot about this person, and I just want to cry. -- CRUSHED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CRUSHED: You say you are starting to have serious feelings for this girl, who is not only sweet, but also honest. If you are worried what others might think if they find out she wasn't assigned female at birth, then she's not the girl for you. Because she has laid all her cards on the table, take this as an opportunity to have a series of frank conversations with her about what challenges might lie ahead for the both of you if this romance progresses.