DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 60s and have a swimming pool that our kids and grandkids like to visit. Our issue is that our granddaughter wears a bathing suit that shows her bum. It isn't a thong, but close to it.

She's 16 and starting her junior year of high school this year. It makes my husband and me uncomfortable, and we have told my daughter as much. Is this one of those situations where we either accept it or don't allow her to swim with such a suit?

I love my granddaughter and will put up with the way it makes us feel if that is where the line is drawn, but it is hard for us to understand. When she brings her friends, they dress the same way. What do you advise? -- UNCOMFORTABLE GRANDPARENTS

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: Because you and your spouse are uncomfortable with the amount of exposure your granddaughter and her friends display when they come to swim, you have the right to tell them to wear something less revealing. It's your pool, and the bottom line is it's your privilege to set the rules. Be prepared, however, for your granddaughter to not want to use your pool as often in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My father is 87 and has stage 4 cancer. For years he has lied about being a hospital corpsman in the Navy during the Korean War. My parents live in a retirement community, and he talks about being in the war while wearing a Navy baseball cap. Dad was in the Naval Reserve (that we know of) but never saw combat.

Veterans' groups are always bringing him quilts, food, etc. My mom is horrified and doesn't know what to say when he goes on a rant about having been hit by shrapnel while pulling a fellow naval guy out of a burning building. He will pass away soon, and the veterans' groups will be giving Mom a flag he doesn't deserve. Mom doesn't know what to do. Should we just ignore the antics or say something? Please help. -- UNCERTAIN IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: What your father has been doing is called "stolen valor" or "stolen honor," and it is seriously frowned upon by people who have actually earned it. It is a form of fraud. However, anyone who has served in the military and been honorably discharged is entitled to be given a flag when he or she is buried. It will be folded and presented to your mother.

As to the gifts he is receiving from the veterans' groups, suggest that because your father is now so close to the end, they be given to other vets who can use them.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a very sweet girl for the last four months, and I'm starting to have serious feelings for her. My children really like her, but she sat me down the other night and told me she's transgender. I'm crushed, and I don't know what to do. This blows my mind; please give me any guidance. I care a lot about this person, and I just want to cry. -- CRUSHED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CRUSHED: You say you are starting to have serious feelings for this girl, who is not only sweet, but also honest. If you are worried what others might think if they find out she wasn't assigned female at birth, then she's not the girl for you. Because she has laid all her cards on the table, take this as an opportunity to have a series of frank conversations with her about what challenges might lie ahead for the both of you if this romance progresses.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together since we were 16, married for 25 years. Her parents took me in as a teenager, and her family has been my family ever since.

I'm the kind of person who loves everyone equally. I will bend over backward for someone in need and have done so for my wife's family many times.

Over the last few years, my wife's brother, nephew and niece have turned against me. They've called me controlling, hateful and racist. I am none of those. I am, though, a law enforcement officer and a Christian. My wife's brother is a convicted felon, and her niece went to one of those anti-everything colleges.

This has created a rift in the family and caused my wife and me to feel hated and isolated, which has ruined family gatherings and holidays. How can I fix this? What can I do to help them see me for who I am, instead of their biases based on my religion and occupation? -- REALLY NOT LIKE THAT

DEAR REALLY NOT: There is nothing you can or should do to erase their biases. From your description, you have done enough good deeds for your in-laws to have shown them the kind of person you are.

You have mentioned only your brother-in-law the felon and his radicalized daughter. Where does the rest of the family stand on this? If they are joining in and allowing you to be isolated, quit trying to impress them. Instead, spend your time with people who like, understand and accept you for who you are and don't look back. Your brother-in-law and his kids will come looking for you as soon as they need something else from you, but when they do, I sincerely hope you'll resist the temptation to buy your way back in.

DEAR ABBY: I work closely with a woman who is 21 years younger than I. We are both single. Because of our age difference and professional relationship I am not looking to date her. However, over the last couple years I have developed romantic feelings for her.

I converse with her by asking questions about movies she likes, books she reads or what she did the previous weekend. Her answers are usually short and without elaboration. I even share with her things that I do in my life, but never once in the five years I have known her, has she ever initiated a conversation with me or asked me about my life. She acts differently with other male co-workers. She does things for them, smiles at them and seems genuinely interested in their conversation. It really stings every time I see her socialize with others and ignore me. What can I do to get out of this psychological rut I am in? -- STUCK IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STUCK: Your co-worker may have picked up on the fact that you are attracted to her and it is not reciprocated, which is why she keeps your relationship strictly formal and work-related. I am sure this stings, and for that you have my sympathy.

You now must do what everyone else in your situation does, which is concentrate on meeting women who are available. You are not going to find what you're looking for in your workplace. What's going on is not healthy for you or conducive to a productive work environment. If you can't quell that crush on her, you may have to change jobs so you won't have to work so closely with her -- or at all.

DEAR ABBY: I found out a year ago that my wife of eight years had an affair for three years with my best friend. Two months ago I realized she is still contacting him. I found out because I went through her cell records. She said she was just texting him about how he ruined our life. Now I have no access to them, and I suspect she's using a text app so I won't know. She keeps her phone with her all the time.

I can't live like this, and I don't know what to do. I always let her do what she wanted and never had a concern before this. I was always laid-back, but now I can't stop thinking she is up to no good. How do I approach this with her? We have been to counseling. Every time I bring up her affair, she says our marriage will never work because of trust issues, and I agree. Please help. -- OUT OF CHANCES IN FLORIDA

DEAR OUT: Your wife and best friend betrayed you, so your trust issues are well-founded. If she would like to stay married to you, she should not be hiding her cellphone and texts from you. If she's unwilling to cooperate, then what she said is 100% correct -- your marriage will never work, and your next step should be to talk to an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby a year ago. I'm 46, and my son's father just turned 50. We are looking to buy a house, but I am conflicted. We are not married, and it will be my money that we use for the down payment. I have expressed that I would like to be married before we buy the house, but nothing has happened. I have brought the subject up several times, but I now feel really nervous about his not following through. How should I proceed from here? -- DOWN PAYMENT DILEMMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR D.P.D.: That the father of your baby keeps "forgetting" to address the fact that you want to be married is a red flag. It appears he is unwilling to make that commitment. Before moving forward with buying property with someone who is reluctant to make a commitment, it is extremely important that you discuss this with a lawyer. An attorney can help to ensure your financial interests will be protected. Until you have done that, keep your checkbook firmly closed.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to be married to a wonderful man who has three teenagers from a previous marriage. His boys are 18 and 16, and his daughter is also 16. They have TERRIBLE table manners, which seem to be encouraged by their grandfather. My fiance has spoken to his dad regarding the unacceptable behavior, yet it continues.

When my fiance tries to enforce common table etiquette, the children ask why the change. Table manners were not part of their upbringing, and they don't see the importance. How do I -- or should I -- attempt to undo 18 years of poor habits? -- EMBARRASSED AT THE TABLE

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Table manners are important. They reveal a lot about someone's upbringing or lack of it. Not knowing the basics can negatively affect not only a person's social life, but also his or her career. You would be doing those young people a huge favor if you speak up and support your fiance in this.