DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

A prospective employer called me for a reference, and because my company told me that it did not respond to requests for references, I didn't give her one. Ever since, I have wished I had shared what I knew about her. If I was allowed a do-over, I would have told the employer about my positive experience with her and my belief that she was capable and friendly. Her being Black and not having my reference may have increased her difficulty in finding a job. I am sharing this with your readers so they may avoid making a similar mistake. -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN TEXAS

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Some companies, on the advice of their legal counsel, strictly adhere to a policy of disclosing only dates of hire and discharge of employees. This has nothing to do with race or ethnicity. It was not a mistake to do as your employers instructed, and you should not feel guilty for having done so.

DEAR ABBY: My heart is heavy as I write this. Since the pandemic started, my father-in-law has called us every couple of weeks to ask if we are safe and OK. I have heard nothing from my own father.

I finally called him, mentioning that I thought he would call to check on us. His response was, "I'm the adult; you should be checking on me." (I have two grown children and two grandchildren, so I was taken aback by the thought that I was not an "adult.") I mentioned that because he is not in a nursing home, in jail or has to go to work, I figured he was much safer than my husband and me, who still must go out to work every day and be in contact with hundreds of people.

I feel like my father doesn't care about us like my father-in-law does. What do you think? -- DISAPPOINTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I agree that your father doesn't care about you the same way your father-in-law does. He appears to be so centered upon himself that there's little room to worry about his "children's" welfare.

What do I think? I think that if you love your father, you should give him an occasional call, but when you do, expect nothing in return. And you should thank your lucky stars you have a darling father-in-law who takes up the slack.

DEAR ABBY: I have two close, dear friends. They're my inner circle. Both are extroverts and quite talkative. I'm an introvert and quieter. My problem is, I can't get a word in edgewise when we're together. I'm not sure how to tactfully address this subject with them. Any ideas? -- INTROVERT IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR INTROVERT: Yes. Speak up and say exactly what you told me -- "Hey, folks, I can't get a word in edgewise!" If you say it with a smile, it shouldn't be regarded as insulting because it's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Darius" two years ago. I have had problems with my brother-in-law ever since Darius and I first began dating five years ago.

From my husband's perspective, his parents have always favored his younger brother, "Adonis." "Anything goes" is their attitude where he is concerned. Adonis takes things without asking, lies and constantly makes disrespectful comments toward us. He was never reprimanded as a child, and now he's an adult (24), the sniping continues.

A few months ago, he showed up unannounced at my home and insulted a guest who was visiting at the time. (She also doesn't care for him.) I asked him to leave to avoid making waves with her.

I think Adonis owes me an apology, but he refuses to give me a sincere one. My father-in-law thinks I should just "get over it" and says I am being ridiculous because I no longer want to attend family events if Adonis is present. Mostly the reason is I no longer want to tolerate his behavior while he's drinking and making constant "jokes" about me.

I feel bad for my husband because we have missed out on seeing family members and enjoying ourselves at events because I don't want to create a scene. Darius supports the way I feel, but says he can't demand an apology from his brother. I feel if I back down now, Adonis' behavior will continue for the rest of my life. I don't think I should be treated this way. How should I resolve this issue? -- FAMILY PROBLEM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FAMILY PROBLEM: I'm glad you wrote. Adonis is getting away with this because your in-laws are enabling it. Your husband should straighten his spine and inform his "little" brother he drinks too much, and he wants the sniping stopped. Your father-in-law is a mile off base. It isn't ridiculous to want to avoid verbal abuse from a drunk, and he, too, should have a talk with Adonis. Until that happens, you are right to keep your distance. Nobody likes pain, and your brother-in-law appears unwilling to stop being a large one in a southern portion of your anatomy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old woman, engaged to a wonderful man. We were supposed to start trying to get pregnant, but because of the virus, we decided to put it off. I know we are making the right choice.

I had already started a journal/planner and was so excited. But now I feel myself slipping into depression. We are both lucky enough to still be working, so I'm not just sitting around dwelling on it. But when I canceled my prenatal vitamin subscription the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know we are lucky to not have bigger woes than this right now, but I'm heartbroken. Any advice would be appreciated. -- HOLDING OFF ON MOTHERHOOD

DEAR HOLDING OFF: I am sorry for your heartache. I know this is painful. It's important that you not hold these sad feelings inside. Talk with your fiance about them and share with close friends and family. Pour your feelings into the journal you started.

Your road to motherhood may be longer than you initially thought, but it's going to be an interesting journey. I hope you will take comfort in the knowledge that postponing your pregnancy was a decision you and your fiance made for the right reasons and didn't take lightly.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter recently came out of the closet, and it has made my husband and me quite upset. She says she is "bicurious, pansexual and polyamorous." She now insists everyone call her by a gender-neutral name, gave herself a side shave and dyed her hair pink after we repeatedly told her not to. She wants us to refer to her as "they" and not "she."

Boys used to like her, and she used to have friends, but she threw it all away to be "unique." You may think we should let her be true to herself, but in the process, she is disrespecting us and ruining her image. She thinks she's all grown up and can do whatever she wants, and I just can't get through to her.

She is also letting herself go. She used to be in good shape, but she quit track and field because it was a "gender-conforming" sport. She is now getting chubby, looks horrible and is depressed. Help! -- DAD WITHOUT ANSWERS

DEAR DAD: Your daughter may, indeed, be depressed. She's at an age where she is trying to figure out who she is, and because she has lost her friends and her parents are mad at her, I can understand why.

It is very important that you not panic. Her hair will grow back; her gender identity and sexual orientation will be confirmed with time. The most important suggestion I can offer would be to love your daughter, stop criticizing her and make an appointment for you and your husband to talk with a psychologist with expertise in adolescents. Above all, she needs the support of her parents right now.

DEAR ABBY: I met this beautiful woman online three months ago. We haven't met in person yet, but plan to. We spend at least eight hours a day online together, and our relationship has really advanced. I know she's real and not a "catfish" because we talk about everything. We even tell each other the L word.

My dilemma is, she has a second Facebook account and absolutely refuses to accept my friend request. She says she needs her privacy, and it's none of my business. She also tells me her friends on that page are all male co-workers. She said she prefers to have mostly male friends in her life.

Am I wrong to be upset if she refuses to let me see that profile or be one of her friends there? Am I asking too much? I asked her what happened to transparency, but she won't answer that question either. What's going on here? -- STUCK ON HER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUCK: Although you have spent a lot of time online with this woman, your relationship is still new. As your relationship proceeds, how will you feel about the fact that most of her friends are other men?

I do think there is something going on, which is the reason she doesn't want you to see that account. The most important question is: Do you trust her? You won't know the answer to that until your relationship has developed further. So stop using the L word until you know her much, much better.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 11 years told me that when his former mother-in-law dies, he would like to go to the funeral. He was friendly with her before he married her daughter. I'm not OK with this. What do you think? -- UNUSUAL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNUSUAL: If your husband feels the need to pay his respects to his former mother-in-law, he should do it. And when he does, it would be nice if you were at his side, supporting him in his grief.