DEAR ABBY: I am a single man who recently met a widow who is nine years older. We connected via an online dating site.
At the end of our three-hour conversation, she said, "No man will ever share my bed." This is because of her second husband, who died six years ago. She said if a man shared her bed, she felt it would be cheating on her late husband.
When she said it, I was surprised and shocked. I hadn't asked her if she would share my (or another man's) bed. What are your thoughts on this, and do a lot of widows adhere to this practice? Should this be considered a deal-breaker in a potential relationship? And would replacing the bed with a new one help? -- SLEEPLESS IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SLEEPLESS: Some widows -- and widowers -- become celibate after the death of their spouse. A phrase I have heard used is, "I've had the best, and no one can ever replace _______." I also know women and men who, after their grief has lessened, have gone on to have happy, successful second or third marriages.
What the woman you were talking with was doing was eradicating any expectation you might have had about a sexual relationship with her. She should have specified on her profile that sex was off the table. Be glad she was honest.
This would be a deal-breaker for any man who is interested in maintaining his sex life. While replacing her mattress might have been a helpful suggestion, I doubt she would have been receptive. According to the mail I receive, amorous couples make love in many places besides the bedroom.