DEAR ABBY: We live next door to an 89-year-old woman, "Estelle." She's a "snowbird," meaning she is our neighbor for only part of the year. She has a devoted caretaker, "Iris," who visits her almost daily. Iris shops for her, brings in her mail, and helps her with laundry, bathing and many other intimate tasks.

Estelle has given us a key to her house for emergencies. The issue is that once Estelle leaves for the summer, Iris arrives almost daily for what appear to be afternoon trysts with a man, not her husband. They stay in the house for two to three hours and then leave, always in separate cars.

After several weeks of seeing this, my husband went over to Estelle's house to check on things. The bed in the master bedroom was obviously used. The air conditioning was on high, and the house was in general disorder; not anything like how Estelle would have left things.

Our dilemma is, we know Estelle depends upon Iris. She trusts and adores her. Do we turn a blind eye to what's going on? It really isn't our business except that we hate seeing someone taken advantage of. Last year we reported our observations to Estelle's son as he was bringing his mother here for the winter. He wasn't sure what to do because, as I said before, she's quite dependent on her caretaker. Advice? -- SEEING TOO MUCH IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEEING: This is Estelle's home and Estelle's employee. If this were happening on your property, wouldn't you want to know about it? I see nothing to be gained by keeping Estelle in the dark. Tell her what has been going on, that your husband went to check the place and found it in disarray. Then leave the ball in her court.

DEAR ABBY: For a handful of years, I have been dealing with anxiety and mild depression. But over the last 18 months or so, I have been experiencing both the highest highs and the lowest lows. These periods can last for up to a week and affect my productivity levels. My ability to function as a normal human being isn't noticeably diminished, though.

Because I'm a teenager, a lot of emotional turmoil is happening. But I can't help feeling that maybe what I'm experiencing isn't normal for people my age. How do I know the difference between routine mood swings and a mental disorder like bipolar? There is a history of bipolar in my family, but I don't know if it has transferred to me. I want to know if I need to start talking about that aspect of things with my therapist or if what I'm going through doesn't need to be bothered with. -- TEEN IN TOUCH IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TEEN: You are obviously very bright. Because of the history of bipolar disorder in your family, your mood swings are something you should be paying attention to. I am glad you are seeing a therapist, and you should absolutely be discussing your concerns -- all of them -- with that person. In psychotherapy, honesty is always the best policy. If it turns out that your worries are needless -- fine. However, if they are not, it would be to your advantage to know it so you can be treated for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a small business owner. My store has local (repeat) and one-time customers. The other day, while checking out, one of my local customers spewed out a verbal and extremely bigoted rant. I was stunned speechless. I felt I should do something, but I wasn't sure what it should be. I have started losing sleep over it. If it happens again, should I remain silent and keep the peace, or stand up for all Americans and lose this customer and probably more? -- FREAKED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR FREAKED OUT: To paraphrase a well-known saying, "All that's necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to ignore it and say nothing." If the rant your bigoted customer spewed was aimed at another shopper, you had a responsibility to protect the victim of the onslaught. In the future, it would not be out of line to state firmly that you don't want that kind of talk in your establishment. While doing that may (or may not) lose you a few customers, you would at least be able to sleep better than you're sleeping now.

P.S. It may also gain you some customers once word gets around.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same doctor for 15 years, only requiring an annual checkup. The problem is, the office is about a 40-minute drive, longer if I hit a rush hour. I have stayed with the provider because the care is so good. However, I recently found a doctor who is 10 minutes away and provides the same quality of care. Do I call the original doctor to let them know I am leaving the practice? Write a note? Leave it alone? What is the proper protocol? -- GOOD PATIENT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR PATIENT: Contact your longtime doctor's office and ask either that your medical records be sent to your new doctor's office, or they be readied for you to pick up so you can deliver them yourself. In light of the fact that you have had a 15-year relationship with "Longtime Doctor," it would be nice if you wrote a letter thanking him/her for taking such good care of you all these years and explain that the commute has become more than you can now handle, which is why you are leaving.

DEAR ABBY: I was sitting around bored with nothing to do and started thinking about my classmates from 1960. I hadn't seen or heard from some of them in more than 55 years, so I decided to call them and found all but two. Boy, was it ever worth it!

Most of the conversations lasted 30 minutes or more. I enjoyed hearing their voices and reminiscing about old times. I couldn't believe how quickly the day went by. It made me feel great, and I hope it did the same for them.

When I told them why I was calling, some of them thought it was such a good idea they were going to do it too. Maybe others will want to consider this. Try it. It's worth it. -- CATCHING UP IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CATCHING UP: What you did was wonderful. Many people have been using this quarantine period to reconnect with long-lost friends, and I highly recommend it. There's no surer cure for the blues -- or boredom -- than reaching out to others. Thank you for an upper of a letter.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died unexpectedly two years ago, after 18 years of a happy marriage and two kids. While we are doing as well as can be expected, one thing seems to set my grief off. It's when someone refers to my life as my "new normal."

I'm not sure I can put my finger on why this phrase bothers me so much, but if I had to guess, it's because I suspect people are using it to hint that it's time I moved on. Why is it that people who would be deeply offended if I attempted to tell them what to do with their life, seem to think it's acceptable to imply that I have grieved enough?

As I look at my life, I know it is forever changed, and it will never be "normal" again. It will be what it is, but I will have lost forever the love of my life and the mother of my children. Right now, I am trying my best to keep them healthy, working to keep a roof over their heads and dealing with my own grief. (We are all seeing our own counselors.) I have zero time and energy to invest in anything or anyone else.

Am I just holding onto the past? Are these people thoughtlessly saying something hurtful, or is it something completely different? -- ANNOYED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ANNOYED: People often are at a loss about what to say to someone who has lost a parent, a spouse or a child. While they may be well-meaning, what comes out of their mouths can be hurtful rather than comforting.

Something I have learned from experience, as well as from my readers, is that everyone grieves differently. It's an individual process. Do not assume you know what these people are implying when they make that statement. "New normal" is a catchphrase that's popular now. It is used to describe conditions as the quarantines are being lifted or re-imposed. They may not realize how emotionally loaded that term can be. When it happens again, don't be confrontational, but do tell them how it made you feel.

DEAR ABBY: What's the correct way to break up with someone who lives with you? A friend of mine wants to break up with his girlfriend, who lives in his home along with her adult son and teenage daughter. His concern is she has no place to go. She refuses to work a steady job, so he pays all the bills and supplies her with a vehicle and spending money.

She wants desperately to get married. After two or three years of living with her, he knows he won't marry her. He says she's a nice person, but she's a terrible housekeeper and has no ambition. My friend is a financial planner and works three to four side jobs, etc. He doesn't have a clue how to end this, but he wants to. How should he dissolve this live-in relationship? -- ASKING FOR A FRIEND

DEAR ASKING: Your "friend" needs to summon up the courage to tell this lady he isn't in love with her, doesn't plan to marry her and he wants her to move. When he gives her the unhappy news, he should also give her a date by which he expects her and her "children" to be out of there. Advise him that if he's smart, he should first discuss this with his attorney and, possibly, offer her enough money for a deposit on a place of her (or their) own. He'll be glad he did.