DEAR ABBY: I live with my significant other. We have been together for 13 years now. I would like to ask his stepmother why she refuses to acknowledge me. She sends holiday cards addressed only to her stepson. I am left off invitations as if I simply do not exist. Should I confront her and tell her it hurts my feelings?
I have had a couple of visits with her, and I'm respectful. She has introduced me as "a friend" of her stepson. I feel it's time to speak up. Do you agree? -- FED UP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FED UP: I am surprised that after all this time your partner hasn't spoken to his stepmother about this. I agree it is time to bring this out into the open, but only if you can curb your resentment and talk calmly with her.
Tell her her omissions have been hurtful and ask why she seems incapable of acknowledging your relationship with her stepson. Once you have put her on the spot, listen to what she has to say, but resist the urge to strike out. If you can manage that, you will have not only learned something important about her, but you will also have kept your dignity.