DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I found out my husband had sexually abused one of his nieces. He took a lie detector test, failed it and confessed. Learning the truth was devastating, and I felt like a fool for having believed him.

We have two children together, both teenaged boys. I had to give my boys the bad news about what their father had done and the reason I could no longer be with him. He had to move out because he was restricted from being with minors. There were so many changes.

Then came the news that their father was arrested and sentenced to six years in prison. I was emotionally drained. I have always been honest with my boys and have never kept anything from them. Because I've had to give them so much bad news, I have tried my best to give them the happiest times that I could. Soon after, he was sent away.

I received word that when he gets out, he will be deported to Mexico. This is something I haven't told my boys yet. They are talking about having a life with their father. When he gets out, they will both be adults. My youngest talks about living with him. When they find out, they will be heartbroken.

They have been doing so well. We've come a long way, and we're finally in a happy place. I don't know how or when to tell them. Should I do it now or wait until closer to his release date? I'm just over the sadness. -- EMOTIONALLY DRAINED

DEAR EMOTIONALLY DRAINED: Hang onto your happiness because you deserve all of it that is coming your way. You and your sons have been put through an ordeal not of your making. I see no reason to burden them further with this unhappy news until closer to the time of your husband's release. By then they will be older and better able to adjust to what it will mean if they choose to live with or spend time with their dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am an older woman who is not very attractive. I didn't inherit good looks. This bothers me because all my women friends are married or have been in relationships.

People say looks don't matter, but they are mistaken. The first thing someone sees is your face and physical presence. I keep myself neat and nicely groomed, but I'm not pretty. What do I do to lift myself from this depression? I'm ashamed of my face. -- FACING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FACING IT: Everyone has strong points that make them unique. My mother used to say that the most effective cosmetic is a smile. You might have better luck if you focus less on what you think you don't have and start concentrating on what you DO have to offer.

Not everyone is a beauty contest winner, and they manage to couple up and have healthy relationships with the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex). Do you have a special talent, a pleasing personality or a good sense of humor? You appear to have a serious case of low self-esteem.

The solution to your problem might be as simple as widening your circle of acquaintances by getting involved in activities you enjoy. But before doing that, it might be in your interest to talk with a licensed mental health professional for help in becoming less critical of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband of almost 20 years and two teenage children. My husband is incredibly hardworking in his stressful career and has provided a very comfortable life for us. The trouble is, he puts work ahead of any self-care. He works most waking hours, doesn't eat well, exercises rarely, is overweight -- the list goes on. When I ask/encourage/nag him to make positive lifestyle choices, he reminds me of the life insurance he has and turns it around on me and says I am stressing him.

Abby, I love my husband, and I worry that this will cut his life and our life together short. Can you help? -- BESIDE MYSELF WITH WORRY

DEAR BESIDE YOURSELF: I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your husband receptive to what you are trying to do for him. But until he's ready to address these issues and do something about them, nothing will change.

If he enjoys his career and takes pride in the fact that you and your children are -- and will be -- provided for, then he's living the life he has chosen for himself. This does not mean you must give up entirely suggesting healthy lifestyle choices, but perhaps do it a little less often and in terms of activities he might enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: After a long and successful life, my uncle recently passed away. His wife is my mother's sister. During one of our phone calls, she told me she and my cousins had written his obituary and that it would be published soon. To my shock and dismay, I located the obituary and discovered that my sister and I were not mentioned as his niece and nephew. I am still terribly hurt. Why would they do this?

My sister and I grew up spending every major holiday and birthday with my uncle. The obituary did include his other niece and nephew who live on the opposite side of the country and kept in touch only with an occasional phone call and holiday card. I included my cousins in my parents' and sister's obituaries, all of whom have passed in the last few years.

I feel that I must address this with them, but I don't want to add to the pain they are going through while they mourn their loss. I now dread attending the memorial because I'm worried friends of our family may bring it up, and I won't know what to say. -- HURT NEPHEW IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NEPHEW: Even when a death is expected, many people go into a state of shock, which interferes with their ability to sequence facts. It is entirely possible that the obituary was written when your aunt and cousins weren't thinking straight, which is why you were omitted. If someone brings it up at the memorial -- which I doubt will happen -- rather than nurse hurt feelings, I hope you will point out that the family, including you, is grieving. Period.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely ask a neighbor to mow his lawn at reasonable times of the day? Mine seems to be doing it three days a week and always when we want to enjoy our backyard. -- TRYING TO RELAX

DEAR TRYING: If you are on speaking terms with this neighbor, explain that the noise from his lawnmower interferes with your ability to enjoy your backyard and ask politely if he could schedule it at another hour of the day. If he is a good neighbor, he should be willing to accommodate you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of nearly 22 years and I divorced last year after he told me he didn't want to be married anymore and didn't know if he ever loved me. Since our split, he has bought a home with another woman -- the same woman I suspected him of having an affair with, and the same woman he encouraged me to befriend during our marriage. (I even took her on a trip to Europe.)

Our son is graduating from high school. We are planning a belated, socially distanced graduation party for my son, and my ex wants to bring her. My challenge is that I am with someone new as well, but he is someone who came into my life a couple of months after my ex and I separated. I want him to be at the party, but I don't want her there. I feel our circumstances are quite different.

My son is my priority, so I am leaning toward asking my new significant other not to attend, and then asking that she not attend either. I'm still hurt by their actions. What is the protocol here, and what should I do? -- PROUD MOM MOVING ON

DEAR MOM: I understand your hurt feelings, but, as you wrote, the party is a celebration of your son's achievement and nothing else. If things turn out as it appears they will, your ex may marry this woman, and she would be to some extent in your life when your son marries, starts a family, etc. (Sorry!)

The saving grace through all of this is you have a new partner in your life who can help buffer you. Fortunately, you will be social distancing, so you won't have to spend much time in her space. While you don't have to welcome this woman with open arms, please observe the social niceties and devote the majority of your time to mingling with the other guests.

DEAR ABBY: I met a man many years ago. Shortly afterward, my husband passed away. I was in a tough spot, and this man came to my rescue. He offered me a place to live, but I refused. After a few months, I started receiving love letters from him. I carefully answered them, telling him I had gotten involved with someone else, but if it didn't work out, I might consider dating him.

After about a month, he began showing up at my house. By then I was living with my new man, "Roger." I explained I was in love and he should leave, but he still showed up at my house every couple of months.

I was with Roger for 11 years, but after a battle with heart problems, he died. This man showed up while Roger was in a coma. I told him with much anger several times to please stop coming to my house.

Two days after Roger's death, he again showed up. He asked if it was OK to take me on a date now, and I lost it. I ordered him to never come to my door again and told him I would never date him. He has started sending me love letters again. I don't answer them. He still calls or sends angry letters and still comes by asking if I would like to go on a date. Help! -- FED UP IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FED UP: If you have a lawyer, have him/her write the man a formal letter telling him you have tried to politely discourage his attentions and that if he persists in harassing you, he will be reported to the police as a stalker. Then follow through by filing a report with the authorities.

P.S. If your home is not equipped with a security system, consider installing one. He is creepy.