DEAR ABBY: My husband of 43 years, an alcoholic, has started going to the local grill/bar in our small town. He spends three to four hours there, six days a week. He would go more often if they were open on Sundays.

People who know us tell me things that have been going on between a single bartender and him. This bartender has given him gifts, and I heard he overtips her. I have also been told there's more going on than the outward flirting, and my husband has been saying bad things about me.

The bartender is not a young woman, and she tells anyone who will listen that she's looking for a man. I have asked my husband nicely to stop going there, and he does for a few days, until her calls and posts on Facebook start about me "keeping him from going to the bar." When he gets home, he continues drinking until he passes out.

I have told him that if he gets a DUI and goes to jail, I won't bail him out. He doesn't really care, and I don't know what to do. Help! -- DISASTER IN GEORGIA

DEAR DISASTER: Your signature is correct. Your marriage is a disaster. As long as your husband continues to drink, nothing will improve. Keep uppermost in your mind that, as much as you might want to, you cannot change him.

Contact a divorce lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect yourself financially. And join an Al-Anon group. There may be more than one near you. When you do, you may find not only some much-needed emotional support but also perspective. I am sorry for what you are experiencing, but once you attend a meeting, you will find you are not alone and that there is a way out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single 30-year-old female who is child-free. (I never wanted kids, ever!) My personal stance and views on the subject are well-known by my co-workers, all of whom have children.

I share an office with "Elise," who's about 18 years older than I am. Over the years, she has made remarks such as, "You have no right to be tired. You don't have kids!" or "You don't count because you don't have kids!" or "You're not a real adult because you don't have the responsibility of having kids" (my favorite).

How do I deal with her, or what do I say to counter her remarks? When she makes them, it hurts my feelings. I don't react because I know if I do it will hurt her feelings and cause friction in the office, which I don't need. But I'm sick to death of people like her who have children saying those things about people like me. -- FREE FOREVER

DEAR FREE: Your co-worker appears to be voicing her frustrations about the responsibilities of parenthood and somewhat jealous that you are free of them. The next time she hurts your feelings, it would not be overreacting to tell her that she has and ask her for an apology.

If she's doing it hoping to get a rise out of you, ignore her. But if it persists, as a last resort, talk to your boss or human resources about it because she's creating a hostile work environment. (It's the truth.) She should be talking with you about work, not her personal opinions about you.

DEAR ABBY: I am dealing with the worst heartbreak ever. I don't know what I did to make my boyfriend stop liking me. He won't talk to me or text me back, and now he has blocked me on Facebook. One minute he said that he would always hang out with me and the next he told me to stop messaging him and blocked me. All of this has made me go out of control, and now I want to hate on everyone. How can I stop this awful hurt? -- LOVE HURTS IN OREGON

DEAR LOVE HURTS: Before I answer that question, I want to weigh in on your signature, "Love Hurts." What I need to impress upon you is, love doesn't hurt. Real love makes people feel better.

It's time to stop asking yourself what you did wrong to be getting the treatment he is doling out. Allow me an educated guess: He may feel guilty because he met someone else and doesn't have the courage to own up to it. Time will tell if I'm right.

The way to soothe this ache and refrain from lashing out at others would be to remember they are blameless. By taking your pain out on them, you are isolating only yourself. Get rid of any mementos that remind you of him. If a song reminds you of him, don't play it again. Keep yourself busy. Focus on other things and talk with your friends and family about your feelings. If you do, you will soon realize that others have experienced the same disappointment you have. And, above all, remember that although this experience may have been romantic for a while, it has run its course.

DEAR ABBY: I am at my wits' end with my husband. I have a vision impairment as a result of ocular cancer, and he refuses to stop making fun of me about it. He teases me constantly about being blind, about not being able to read, and about how bad my eyes are.

My eyes ARE very bad, some days much worse than others, but I'm not totally blind. And, Abby, I can read -- just not the way I used to. When I tell him it hurts my feelings, he either gets angry at me for being "too sensitive" or brushes it off because he's "just being honest."

He is very religious, and I have thought about reaching out to his pastor about this because it bothers me so much, but I'm agnostic and don't have a relationship with him. It hurts me, but it's almost worse because our daughter watches it, and I don't want her to think it's OK for her daddy to bully me like this. -- CHALLENGED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CHALLENGED: You are not too sensitive, and your husband is not just being honest! He may be punishing you because you had the nerve to get ocular cancer, or he may simply have a sadistic streak. This is not how good Christians behave; it is how hypocrites do.

That you are an agnostic -- many intelligent and pious individuals are, by the way -- should not stop you from having a conversation with your husband's pastor. However, even if the pastor were to craft a sermon on the subject, I doubt it would change your husband's behavior. If you are going to continue in this marriage, you must find a way to change the way you react to the mistreatment you are receiving. Perhaps once he finds he can't get the reaction he's looking for, he will stop.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband since 2009. In 2017 we had a surprise baby, who is now 2 years and 9 months old.

Connecting as a couple was getting difficult before the pregnancy, but now that we have this cute, extremely energetic child, we don't connect at all. If I don't ask for a kiss, I don't get one. If I don't ask for sex, it would never happen. I have to initiate everything.

I have mentioned this issue many times but nothing changes. The only conversation he wants to have is about the news or what he did at work. If I try to talk about anything else, he gives me brief answers and moves to a different subject. I'm bored in this marriage and tired of not getting any kind of romance at all. Help! -- ROOMMATE OR ROMANCE?

DEAR R. OR R.: Your husband may be as overwhelmed by parenthood as you are, and concerned about providing for this "surprise" baby, which is why he has distanced himself. Your relationship could also have been winding down before your pregnancy happened. I am not sure a regularly scheduled date night can bring you two back in sync, but a licensed marriage and family therapist may be able to reopen the lines of communication between you.

DEAR ABBY: I am hoping for advice regarding my relationship with my father and his children. I met my dad and his much younger second family when I was 24. I have never felt close to any of them, and 10 years later, nothing has changed.

Dad lives across the country and is now terminal because of his alcoholism. My siblings are telling me I need to see him before he dies. I don't feel an obligation to do that, but I also feel guilty for not feeling bad.

I don't feel much connection with my siblings either, and am pretty sure that once my father passes, communication will cease completely. Should I reach out and try to rekindle a relationship before he passes? Do I owe him that? -- UNCERTAIN IN MAINE

DEAR UNCERTAIN: It may be a little late to rekindle a relationship with your father, who was absent during such a large chunk of your life. This may be the reason you aren't grieving his approaching death. That said, if there is anything you feel you might like to say to your father that has not been said -- and I'll bet there is plenty -- it might be in your own best interests to have a final conversation or two with him. It's not that you owe it to him; you owe it to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My niece is being married very soon. I wasn't invited to her originally planned church wedding, but due to the coronavirus, she's now doing a Zoom wedding, and I have received an electronic invitation. Should I send her a wedding gift or is it not required/expected since we weren't included in the original wedding plans? -- TIMELY DILEMMA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR T.D.: If you want to maintain a relationship with your niece, send her a gift with a sweet note wishing her a lifetime of happiness with her new spouse. If not, then decline.