DEAR ABBY: My wife and I lost our son to suicide a few years ago. We have never gotten over it. I have recovered somewhat and would like to resume having intimate relations, but she's not that far along.

I no longer feel there's any reason to continue on this earth. There is no point to my being here. I think about suicide daily. I have been told that if I were going to do this and hurt my family as my son did, I would've already done it.

My wife and I have been cast into a hell that's impossible to bear. There is no way to describe the pain, anger and sorrow we feel. I want to die because I feel the world would be a better place without my sorrowful self taking up resources. I have sought help ever since we lost my son, and have been taking all kinds of medication that I no longer want to take. Is there a way out other than my option? -- BEYOND DEPRESSED

DEAR BEYOND DEPRESSED: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. I cannot imagine the hell you and your wife are going through.

Because you can't get the thought of suicide out of your mind, it is very important that you receive more help than I can give you in a letter. Your doctor should be put on notice about your issue with your medications.

Also, a group that might be helpful for you and your wife is the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. If you contact them, they can refer you to a local support group for people who are surviving a loved one's suicide. The website is afsp.org. If, however, you feel you have reached a point where harming yourself is imminent, I urge you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. Please don't give up.

DEAR ABBY: I have two children. One is 6, and the other is an infant. My 6-year-old is kind but mischievous at times. I am a firm believer that children need loving parents, but also parents who discipline when it's needed.

My mother recently came to live with me and my husband. She helps out a lot, but she is causing some confusion in our home. She doesn't discipline my 6-year-old when needed. In fact, she often acts like a child herself when she should be acting like an adult. This issue causes my 6-year-old to sometimes be disrespectful.

When my husband and I hear the smart-mouth talk, we address it, but there's only so much we can do when my mother won't take an adult role. I have had several conversations with her about it, but nothing changes. I don't want her to leave, but I'm afraid her attitude toward parenting and discipline will cause some real problems in my home. Please help. -- DISCIPLINED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISCIPLINED: Continue the conversation with your mother. Explain that although she may think you are too strict with your older child, you are that child's mother, and this is the way you want the child raised. Then tell her that if enforcing the rules is too much for her, she may have to find other living arrangements. Talk to your child, as well. Make sure he/she understands that the rules come from his/her parents and no one else.

I am troubled by your statement that your mother sometimes acts like a child. I wish you had mentioned why she's living with you. If you suspect there's a possibility she might be experiencing the onset of dementia, insist that she be evaluated by a physician and a neurologist to ensure that she's well.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Kate" has had a lot of trauma in her life, and she feels things very deeply. She has experienced assault, the suicide of a close friend, the death of several family members, discovered she can't have children, and managed to escape an abusive relationship, all in the last five years or so.

Kate does all the things people are supposed to do when coping with grief and is doing very well. The problem is me. I find it hard to be around her because of all the drama. Intellectually, I understand none of this is Kate's fault. She isn't being attention-seeking or deliberately causing drama. But I find myself becoming impatient with her ongoing discussion of feelings. I'm not someone who feels deeply or is easily traumatized. Bad things happen, I get over it and move on. How can I learn to be the patient, caring friend she needs? -- TRYING TO BE A BETTER FRIEND

DEAR TRYING: Quit being so hard on yourself. You are and have been a good friend. It's important that you not allow Kate's burdens to "sink" you. The two of you are very different people, and you should explain that to her as you have to me. If her trauma and drama become more than you can healthfully absorb, step back and tell her you will talk with her later, tomorrow or when it is convenient for you both, which will allow you time to come up for air.

DEAR ABBY: I am self-quarantined for a number of reasons because of the virus. I am 87 and live alone. My daughter is very concerned that I not become ill because her husband is in treatment for cancer. Obviously, she doesn't want to have to come care for me and endanger her husband's already reduced immunity.

A friend called to ask how I am doing. I told her I was self-quarantined, and she asked if I needed anything. I told her I didn't have eggs, but it was no big deal. She said she would bring me some. I sent her a text and asked her to leave them on the porch, and she said, "You mean you won't let me in the house?" She said she isn't sick and can't understand why I'm doing this. I tried to explain that you can be contagious without symptoms, but she was still insulted.

I thought everyone in the world knew the basics of quarantine, but apparently she's still taking it personally. She hasn't called for three days, and I'm heartsick. Advice? -- SHUT IN IN ARIZONA

DEAR SHUT IN: In spite of the fact that the federal, state and local governments are releasing information on a daily basis about the importance of social distancing and self-quarantining, there is still confusion in the minds of some of the public. Your friend is a perfect example of this. You are doing what you're doing for the right reason, and I hope you will continue, not only for your son-in-law's sake, but also for your own.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married five years, and I just discovered that my husband still has several text messages from his late wife. He thinks I shouldn't be upset about it. Am I wrong for asking him to delete them? -- FEELING BETRAYED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: Yes, you are! Do not compete with a deceased spouse. Hanging on to mementoes is a way many people grieve. If the texts hold significance for him, let him have them. You're his wife now, and that's what matters.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son and I recently had a discussion that maybe you can help clarify. We are seeing more about trans people these days, and I'm not sure how to address them.

I don't want to offend anyone, but when you see a large male wearing pants, shirt, etc. but has pink hair and makeup, should I say "sir" or "madam"? My son says I should ask what pronoun they would like to be referred by, but I am not sure that's a polite way to find out. I know this is also intertwined with sexual preference, but it still doesn't mean it is clear-cut. What's the most polite way to handle this? -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: You are confusing "preference" with "orientation." Preference implies that one's sexuality is a choice rather than something that is wired into our brains. People do not choose to be gay, straight or gender dysphoric. Gender identity is about who you are. Sexual orientation is about who you love.

As to how you should refer to or address a large male wearing a shirt and pants while sporting pink hair and full makeup, I agree with your son. It makes sense to ask the person, who, I am sure, is fully aware that their appearance is "different." Asking the person's name may also provide a clue.

DEAR ABBY: All my life I have followed orders. I haven't been able to determine my own path. When I was young, I did what my mother told me. When I was old enough, I joined the Marines, and I did as they said. After I separated from the service, I did what my social group expected. After I had a child, I did what a parent should do to protect and provide. That took the next 35 years of my life.

I am 60 now, retired, and the master of my ship. Without "orders," I don't know where to go from here, and I am adrift. They say find a passion, do what makes you happy. But I am not passionate about anything. I like many things but feel no passion.

Being alive makes me truly happy. I love every day God gives me. But what to do with these days eludes me. What shall I do? Can you help me? -- FOLLOWING ORDERS IN THE EAST

DEAR FOLLOWING: Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you lived and lived well." Perhaps if you concentrate more on doing just one thing a day for someone else, you will discover the passion you are looking for. I can't promise it will work, but it may be a step in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I live in New England, where it is very gray during the winter. I was inspired by the bright colors of a local Mexican restaurant to redecorate my house. I feel happier with all the lovely colors, but my neighbors feel I am being culturally insensitive because I am not Mexican. I disagree. I think I'm being appreciative. What do you think? -- APPRECIATING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR APPRECIATING: I'm glad you asked. I think you have certain neighbors who should mind their own business and keep their criticism to themselves. I also think that you adopted the color scheme you did as a compliment.