DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old woman, recently separated. I have been seeing a 45-year-old man who is also separated, but not divorced from his wife. We have been a couple for about a year. I don't understand why he doesn't get a divorce.
When his wife (who has also been seeing someone for more than a year) found out we were seeing each other, it got ugly. She came to our place of employment (her ex and I work in the same place, different departments) and tried to get me fired. Fortunately, she was unsuccessful, and she tried to get physical. She told me she is his wife -- she told him as well -- and said she tells him what to do, and she "owns him." At that point I had to stop seeing him.
After a month apart, I became really depressed, and we hooked back up. We go out and enjoy each other's company, and the sex is AMAZING. He told me he has never felt like this with any other woman nor has he ever introduced anyone to his daughter (who loves me dearly). We are taking things slower and more carefully, but I am falling in love.
He tells me he misses me when we are intimate and how grateful he is for me, but it isn't enough. I want more, but I don't want to scare him away. Is this a dead end? Should I be patient, or should I just walk away? -- IT'S COMPLICATED IN THE EAST
DEAR COMPLICATED: I have to wonder why, after a year, you are not in the process of being divorced. You also need some straight answers about what keeps this man under his wife's thumb. The woman appears to have serious mental issues. Is the reason financial? Emotional? Once you know, you will have a better idea of what to do.
I am troubled by the fact that your boyfriend's wife is so volatile. As it stands, that woman is controlling not only him but also you, and that's not healthy.