life

Words of Encouragement Help Keep the Country's Spirits Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 13th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I believe that love conquers all. The worldwide coronavirus is teaching us we are all one in body, but not yet in spirit. Every day may not be good, but there is good in every day. Don't count the days -- make the days count by throwing a kiss, sharing a smile with others, and waving a hand of greeting to them.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Drink a refreshing glass of lemonade and make a toast: "To our health, God willing. Never give up!" And remember, the best medicine is a dose of laughter.

As President Kennedy said, our most common link is that, "We all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future, and we are all mortal."

Abby, won't you ask your readers to pause daily to reflect, think positively and affirm the conviction that we as a nation will overcome this challenge as we have so many others before? Be agents for globalizing hope. Do good for others. The greatest joy in life comes from giving.

Sending love and hope to all. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE, INC.

DEAR CARMELLA: I could not agree more. Readers have been asking me how to cope with the changed reality of everyday life since the COVID-19 virus struck this country. Reaching out to help someone else is a potent remedy for anyone who is experiencing the blues and cabin fever. Even if you can't be supportive in person, a phone call, a text, a post with an uplifting message or a joke can lighten the mood of someone who is feeling isolated. I am glad you wrote, Carmella, and I hope your message will resonate.

Mental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Man's Enthusiastic Greeting Violates Friend's Personal Space

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 13th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have encountered an "over-hugger." I have always hugged, but I take care to respect how others feel about it. This person does not extend that courtesy. His typical hug involves picking the recipient up off the ground. It's invasive, in my opinion. The last time I saw him, I offered my hand. Instead of taking it, he yanked me in and said, "We give hugs here!" I know he wants to show affection, but he puts his own needs before the needs of others.

I want to tell him not to hug me anymore. However, it's complicated because we are part of a loose-knit athletic community.

First, is it odd of me not to want his hugs? Second, how do you recommend I send the message that a handshake is the most I want? -- NO BEAR HUGS

DEAR NO BEAR HUGS: Pandemic notwithstanding, in general terms, I agree that what this person is doing is over the top. If he were to yank and lift someone who has back issues, he could harm the person.

My first thought would be to tell this man privately that you don't want him lifting you. If you can't take him aside and do that, then call him or write him a letter.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Man's Daughter, Girlfriend Have Lived at Arm's Length

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 12th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Am I wrong not to want to attend a baby shower because my significant other's daughter doesn't give me the time of day? I have been with her father for 10 years now, and not once has this girl ever asked me to go shopping, have lunch or anything. I have turned the other cheek when it came to family functions on my man's side of the family, but she refuses to participate in anything I have. What to do? -- SHOWER SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T

DEAR S.S.O.S.: In all this time, have you ever asked his daughter to go shopping with you, have lunch or anything else? Did you receive an invitation to that shower? If you did, it provides a glimmer of hope that you can have some kind of relationship. If you don't go, the ice will grow thicker, and it would be a mistake to let that happen.

Family & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Questions About Dress Code Surprise Office Party Planner

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 12th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question. I'm planning an evening family celebration for our company. The question of dress code has been asked multiple times. I find it perplexing that people are asking. Unless otherwise specified -- i.e. black tie, semiformal, business casual or jacket required -- shouldn't it be assumed that pretty much anything goes?

For this party, I expect people to show up in anything from cut-off shorts to cocktail dresses. I didn't think a dress code was a detail that needed addressing. Am I wrong? -- NO PAJAMAS, PLEASE

DEAR NO PAJAMAS, PLEASE: You are being asked because there is confusion. Clearly it IS a detail that needs addressing, and as a considerate host, you should clarify what you expect your guests to wear.

Holidays & CelebrationsWork & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Widower Turns Wife's Rings in Treasured Memento

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 12th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Widowed after 65 years of a superb marriage, it was my difficult task to begin clearing our closet of my wife's vast array of clothing and shoes. After a few trips to thrift stores, the next task was what to do with her jewelry. I came across a small black felt bag neatly tied with a small bow. Inside were her wedding band and diamond engagement ring. I set them aside.

On the date of our next anniversary, I asked a jeweler to combine my band with her rings. It took a month to complete, and some gold was added. The result was a magnificent piece with the small, but many-faceted stone inset. It cost me nearly $1,000, but I haven't regretted it for one moment. My advice to others: Consider it. Don't hesitate. (I'm twisting the ring as I write this.) -- RING OF TRUTH IN TEXAS

DEAR RING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dearly beloved wife. How fortunate you were to have her for 65 years. I'm pleased that wearing the combined symbols of your commitment to each other brings you comfort and pleasure. Thank you for suggesting this to my readers.

Holidays & CelebrationsMarriage & DivorceDeath
life

Happy Easter!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 12th, 2020 | Letter 4 of 4

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a very happy Easter. -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Beau Feels Like Odd Man Out With Girlfriend's Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 11th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years. I have been dating a woman, "Stephanie," whom I love and believe can be my next wife. We talk about marriage and have been very good for each other.

We each are blessed with three grown children, and we love our families immensely. The difference is, Stephanie socializes only with her family and has few friends who aren't related to her. I, on the other hand, have a wealth of friends and like to do a lot with them -- dinner parties, sporting events, concerts, traveling, etc. My friends are great people, and she agrees with me on that, but when we make plans with them, she says she feels like an outsider and prefers to be with her family.

Currently, Stephanie sees her daughter at least three times a week and her oldest son twice a week. In addition, her ex-husband and his wife host family events almost every other weekend -- birthdays, holidays, game nights, etc., and she never wants to miss them. They are so close that there are no secrets and lots of "inside jokes." I feel very much like an outsider at times.

I love her family, and they have welcomed me with open arms, but I can't seem to get used to this much "togetherness." Once my kids were grown and out of the house, I wanted to enjoy my life while they pursued their own fun. I'm at the point that I'm tired of her family, especially since her ex always seems to be the organizer of these get-togethers.

I don't want to hurt her or her family's feelings, but I would prefer more private time traveling or visiting with my friends and family, and we are not finding a good balance. They all attend the same church every week and even sit together as if they were still one big, happy family, even though it has been 20 years since their divorce. She tells me that I am No. 1 in her life, but her actions say otherwise. What do I do? -- DIFFERENT IN MISSOURI

DEAR DIFFERENT: I suggest you stop listening to what Stephanie says and concentrate more on what you see she's doing, then act accordingly.

Friends & NeighborsFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Dinner Guests Make a Plate for Uninvited Daughter at Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 11th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who, every time I invite her and her husband over for dinner, always assumes their 20-year-old daughter can have a plate as well. They make her a plate before they serve themselves and take it to her.

I guess I don't mind, but I wish they would ask before assuming it's OK. Most of the time I make enough food so I have leftovers for my boyfriend to take for lunch the following day. Is she being rude? Or am I just being a not-so-nice friend? -- NO LEFTOVERS

DEAR NO LEFTOVERS: What your friend is doing is rude. But don't blame her for it. This is your fault for not speaking up when this first started happening and explaining that the leftovers are intended for your boyfriend's lunch the next day, which is why you would appreciate her not taking them. A way to avoid this in the future might be to plate the food yourself rather than let your guests do it, and immediately refrigerate whatever is left. Out of sight, out of reach!

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors

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