DEAR ABBY: A short time ago, I experienced a terrible loss. I came home from work one evening and found "Martin," my boyfriend of almost 17 years, dead at the bottom of the stairs. I later found out he had been drinking.

I never saw Martin drinking before. He did it very rarely. He didn't go to bars, and he would never drink and drive. He did have a close friend who would visit him on occasion, and they would drink beer together.

Abby, I feel deceived and betrayed on top of the terrible grief I can't seem to overcome. Martin knew how I felt about drinking because I was previously married to an alcoholic for 19 years. How do I get past this? -- WOUNDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WOUNDED: Please accept my deepest sympathy, not only for your loss, but for the manner in which you found your boyfriend. It had to have been an awful shock.

Are you absolutely certain his death was alcohol-related? Was there an autopsy? People have been known to suffer strokes or massive heart attacks that can take them suddenly, and if Martin was on the stairs, something like that could have caused his fall rather than the fact he had alcohol in his system.

A way to move past your anger and disappointment would be to look further into what happened if that's possible, and if his cause of death is what you suspect, forgive him. Hanging onto anger and bitterness is not healthy for you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. Most of them have not been good. When we have disagreements, he calls me names and then gives me the silent treatment, sometimes for weeks at a time. We tried counseling. It was initially helpful, but he refuses to go anymore, saying "it didn't work." (We went to three one-hour sessions.)

I'm trapped financially because I can't afford our mortgage alone (he threatens me financially when we argue by not contributing his agreed-upon share into our household account). I don't have the means to move out while still paying my share of the mortgage. I have three dogs, so renting is practically impossible. I'm lost, and I don't know what to do. I cannot continue living in silence anymore. Help! -- MISERABLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR MISERABLE: A good marriage is like heaven; a bad one is like living with a truly unpleasant cellmate. Pick up the phone, start interviewing divorce attorneys and tell them everything you have told me. I think you will be pleasantly surprised that you do not have to remain married. Consider selling the house. That way you may not wind up with nothing. If you are unable to find homes for your dogs, contact pet rescue groups in your area and explain the situation.

You did not mention whether you have family you might be able to stay with until you are financially stable, but whether they can accommodate you or not, let them know what you have been going through. All of life is a learning experience, and there is life after you close this unhappy chapter.

DEAR READERS: As a fan of longer, brighter days and warmer weather, I'm pleased to issue my annual reminder to those of you who live where daylight saving time is observed: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Spring is on the way! -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: One of my husband's sisters has eight kids, ranging from 15 months to 20 years old. She hasn't taken care of any of them for more than three years. They never saw a doctor, they didn't have food in the house, and she was abusive.

When she lost custody, the ones without dads in the picture went to live with another one of my husband's sisters. Since then, three of the children she was caring for went into foster care. My husband and I visit them regularly, but no one else in the family has seen them at all.

Two of the kids are now in our care. They have been living with us for six months. The rest of his family hasn't visited them either. I also have a 15-month-old son, who wouldn't know any of them if they did come by, because they never do.

Last month, my husband's family invited us over. I didn't want to go and didn't want my son or 6-year-old niece to go either. My husband thinks they have a "right" to see their family. I don't think they should be around family who can't be bothered to see them regularly.

I also think my niece shouldn't have to be around an aunt who abused and neglected her. She's only now starting to realize that's not normal or OK. My nephew is 15, he knows what happened wasn't right and has chosen to stay away from his aunt since moving out.

Am I wrong to keep my niece from her family? She's not old enough to decide, but I think at this point it would do more harm than good. -- CONFLICTED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFLICTED: At this point, you are that child's responsible adult (parent). If you feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into contact with her abuser, stand your ground.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old female, smart, well-educated, attractive, successful, and a fantastic mom and partner. My problem is, I can't stop stalking my boyfriend's ex on social media. It seems like she can't let go. She constantly posts comments about their previous relationship, about his family and still loving them, and she's also close friends with my boyfriend's sister.

I don't know why I constantly compare myself to her. I know what I bring to the table. Why am I so threatened and concerned by this gal? She's younger than I am and posts all her feelings onto the social media world, even things about my boyfriend, some of which have included remarks about me.

Why can't I stop being so nosy? I keep telling myself the past doesn't matter, he's with me now, don't worry about her view from the sidelines, etc. But I'm beginning to feel like something is wrong with me. Help, please. -- STALKER IN TEXAS

DEAR STALKER: You remind me of a celebrity who can't tear herself away from the tabloids, regardless of how cruel or off-base they are. The only thing wrong with you is you are allowing your insecurity to overtake you. As you stated, your partner is with you now. If he had any interest in his ex, that wouldn't be the case. Because you can't seem to pull yourself away from the internet, consider "detoxing" by scheduling some conversations with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay woman. My male best friend has had a crush on me for more than a year. It is so intense that he is almost delusional. We have talked extensively about it. He knows where I stand and that it will never happen, and he says he accepts that. But he can't stand the thought of me spending time with a woman, even if it's just a friend. He wants all of my time and doesn't want to share me, even with mutual friends.

Here's the kicker: I had invited him to move back to my college town with me. We both thought that moving to a big city would open up more dating opportunities for us and help him get over me. It was an ordeal for him, but he put in a ton of work to be able to move. We planned to be housemates. This happened during a time when we thought he was feeling more resolved about our relationship.

We have been staying with my relative while we search for a house in the big city, so we are trapped in the same space, and he has nowhere else to go. Since moving in together, his feelings for me have resurged. I no longer want to be roommates because of his possessiveness. But it would devastate him if I left him alone here, especially since it was my idea to go, and I was meant to be his support system. I feel like I am trapped in his drama and cannot live my life without ruining his. Please help! -- TRAPPED LESBIAN IN THE WEST

DEAR TRAPPED LESBIAN: Do not rent an apartment with him or buy a house! To do so would be an expensive mistake. You cannot fulfill his needs. If you allow this to continue, he will destroy every opportunity that comes your way because it will be a threat to his fantasy.

He needs to find other living arrangements NOW, and you and your relative should insist upon it. This is not going to have a fairy-tale ending, and you probably will not remain friends as you move along with your life. But move along is what you must do, for both your sakes.

DEAR ABBY: I went out of town on a business trip with two co-workers (both females), and the trip was a success. We got along great and accomplished all of the goals we set for ourselves during our stay.

During the few outings we had off company time, however, there were moments when we all wanted to link up and do everything together but our stomachs disagreed. If I wanted to go to breakfast at 8 a.m., someone would want to go at 11 a.m., or another co-worker wouldn't want to go at all. Another example is, we would plan dinners (after touring the city all day) at a certain time, but it was so late my stomach would growl loudly.

I understand that flexibility is key, but my metabolism works overtime compared to theirs. How do I go about venturing off on my own for food without coming across as rude or looking like I'm not a team player? -- HUNGRY MAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR HUNGRY MAN: Explain it to your co-workers as you have to me. If your body is signaling that you must eat something NOW, you need to do it -- if only enough to take the edge off your hunger. To do that isn't rude. Taking care of yourself is important, and it doesn't mean you aren't a team player. Perhaps you should carry something with you to tide you over from meal to meal.