DEAR ABBY: I dated a guy for 10 months. We constantly fought because of his lack of trust. He had been burned in previous relationships. He said, "Trust is earned, not given," which isn't my philosophy.
After a recent argument (about lack of trust), I told him this attitude is a deal-breaker, and he needed time to reflect on his issues. I talked to him several days a week during the process, and we weren't intimate during that time.
I decided to have dinner with him at his apartment last night to further discuss the situation, only to have an old girlfriend ring his doorbell, upset. It seems that during the last five weeks, he had started seeing her again and slept with her while attempting to make amends with me. When I asked about her, he told me he thought we were done, and he was trying to put a Band-Aid on his pain. What to do?
He has great qualities but is so jealous and suspicious. Will he ever improve, or will I always be trying to prove myself? I believe he cares for me, but his actions with the old girlfriend negate this. I cannot even begin to rationalize his thought process. -- GETTING TIRED OF IT
DEAR GETTING TIRED: This guy is suspicious because HE isn't trustworthy. There's a saying attributed to historian, civil rights activist and author W.E.B. Du Bois: "A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself." People are often jealous and controlling because they are insecure. Your boyfriend ran back to his old girlfriend because he was unable to be alone, even for a brief period. Be smart. Wake up and lose him. You can do better.