DEAR ABBY: My niece on my husband's side was engaged to be married two years ago. There was a bridal shower, and everyone gave gifts or gift cards. Two weeks after the shower, the wedding was canceled because of the groom-to-be's infidelities. The shower gifts and gift cards were never returned nor was anyone reimbursed.

The same niece is getting married to someone else now. Another shower is being given for her. Everyone on her side of the family is invited. Are we required to give gifts again? Can we attend the shower and not give a gift? Should we all just not attend? Please help. -- ALREADY GAVE ONCE

DEAR ALREADY GAVE: Any unopened gifts from the first shower should have been returned to the givers. Because they weren't, you are not "obligated" to give the bride another gift. However, if you plan to attend this shower, in my opinion, you should not go empty-handed.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, I was in my college's cafe, minding my own business and studying for a test. I looked toward a group of guys that hang out there and made eye contact with a guy friend I've known since preschool. He made his way to my table, sat down and we started talking about classes and whatnot. Suddenly, he changed the subject and asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no, and he blurted out that he's in love with me! He said he has loved me for a very long time, that I am perfect in his eyes, and that I'm too harsh and doubt myself. Then he said he wants me to give him a chance.

The thing is, I don't like him that way and never have. He's not the type of guy I'm attracted to. How do I go about rejecting him without losing him as a friend? -- FRIEND ZONE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FRIEND ZONE: Tell him the truth -- that you like him, too, but only as a friend, and hope he will find someone soon who can reciprocate his romantic feelings. He may not like the message, but he will respect you for your honesty and for not wasting his time.

DEAR ABBY: I have many older friends, and when we go out for lunch or dinner, all they talk about is their aches and pains and other medical stuff. I will always be their friend and support them, but sometimes it's such a downer, they even get depressed listening to each other.

What's the best way to change the conversation to happy subjects while being sensitive at the same time? -- HAPPY SUBJECTS ONLY

DEAR HAPPY: Older people sometimes dwell on their aches, pains and other medical stuff because they have little else to occupy their minds. If you are sensitive, you will listen sympathetically for a period of time, then propose you all change the subject to something more upbeat -- and suggest something.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to a wonderful, beautiful woman when we were much younger. We got married because of an unplanned pregnancy. After some years, we both had grown in different directions, and we divorced. We remained friends even after I remarried.

I'm now in the early stages of my second divorce because I am lonely in a marriage where there's no communication or intimacy. I have tried working things out; my wife isn't interested, so I have given up trying. We no longer have a physical bond, but I refuse to lower myself to cheat to fulfill my needs.

I find myself drawn to my first wife, and I know she feels the same. While I'd like to see how life as a single guy of 55-plus would be, I also want to date my ex. We have a child together, and we have more in common now than before. Can a second time around really work? Or should I first play the field once I am divorced? -- WORKING BACKWARD IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR WORKING BACKWARD: Because you didn't mention whether your first wife also remarried, I will assume that she didn't.

If you wish to date her -- and the feelings are mutual -- there should be nothing stopping you. However, your idea of playing the field before committing again is wise. I have said before, and I'll repeat it for you: If you and your first wife decide to remarry, it would be a good idea to get premarital counseling together to ensure that all the issues that drove you apart the first time have been resolved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 20 years. He is now on vacation in Thailand with his best buddy (without me again) for the third time in as many years.

After doing some research, I have discovered that this place is a major sex tourism destination also known as "Sodom on the Sea." My husband says he stays away from all the hanky-panky and goes there only for the beach, the food, the culture and "guy time" with his best friend. My girlfriends all tell me I am foolish and naive. Am I? -- SUSPICIOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I have my opinion, but not knowing your husband, I'm hesitant to accuse him of being an adulterer. However, you know him pretty well by now. (I assume that having researched your husband's chosen vacation spot, you have seen your doctor to be checked for STDs.) My questions to you would be -- in your heart of hearts -- what do you think? And if you agree with your girlfriends, what are you prepared to do about it?

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, my wife and I decided we would help each other write our obituaries. I know this may seem macabre, but when she died a few years ago, after 48 years of marriage, it was less stressful to just fill in the date and age. What do you think? -- PRACTICAL UPSTATE NEW YORKER

DEAR PRACTICAL: I think that if it worked for you, other readers might consider it. Many people wonder what will be said of them after they're gone. This way, they can add or delete as they wish.

DEAR ABBY: I am trying hard to let go of my paralyzing fear of driving, which has prevented me from getting a license. I am not sure why I get so nervous and afraid when I get behind the wheel. I really need a car to get my family and myself around. I just wish I knew what was causing this. Could you please help me figure it out? -- FEAR OF DRIVING

DEAR F.O.D.: Gladly. The quickest way to get to the bottom of what's causing your fear of driving would be to discuss it with a licensed mental health professional -- if possible, one who specializes in treating patients with phobias. Your physician or your health insurance company should be able to refer you to someone who is qualified.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my wife and I invited another couple over for dinner. The husband was on his phone the entire time, showing us YouTube videos he apparently thought were interesting. After dinner, he lamented that he had run out of data and wanted us to provide our Wi-Fi password so he could continue watching his videos. I begrudgingly gave him access, but was really irked by it. Isn't it rude for a dinner guest to ask to use your Wi-Fi? -- NOT SO INTERESTED

DEAR NOT SO INTERESTED: It was not rude to ask for your Wi-Fi password. In some circles, it's normal. What was rude was for one guest to monopolize the conversation the way that dinner guest did. I'll bet it will be a long time before you invite that couple again.

DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with a neighbor problem. "Diane" and I have been neighbors for five years. We both have daughters in elementary school who ride the bus. At the bus stop, Diane always manages to point out something about my daughter or me that makes me uncomfortable. She'll ask things like, "Are those new shoes?" "I like that jacket. Was it expensive?" "You have a new hairdo; did it cost much?" Or "Wow, how can you afford such nice clothes for your daughter?" "Are those new jeans? How much were they?"

I find her prying annoying and quite rude. Most of the other parents avoid her, probably because of this behavior. I work to afford the things I have, and I don't feel I need to discuss what I spend for my child or myself with anyone. Other than this, she's a nice neighbor. What's the best way to get her to stop asking these questions? I try to ignore them, but this has been going on for years, and I'm at a loss. -- ANNOYED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ANNOYED: The surest way to get your neighbor to stop asking these kinds of questions would be the direct approach. Tell her questions of that nature make you uncomfortable and to please stop asking. If she persists, repeat it until she finally gets the message.