DEAR ABBY: I recently landed a new job and was excited about doing work that would be directly in line with my education and background. I left a job of more than a decade to pursue this field. My problem is, I'm being asked to carry luggage, make coffee, run errands, etc. This was not in my job description, nor was it what I was hired for.

Abby, I have worked many intern positions. I do not believe I am too good for any job, but I have worked my way up and have abilities that could contribute greatly to this company. What they have me doing now is not beneficial for me or them.

If you believe I should say something, what should it be? I'm afraid they can easily find a substitute who may perform these tasks, as they aren't every day, but it's often enough to make me uncomfortable. It's a small company, and my pay is good, so I don't want to leave. Please advise me, Abby. -- SCARED TO SPEAK UP

DEAR SCARED: I see nothing wrong with having a discussion with your employer. However, because you are so new to the job, it should be done delicately. Tell the person you feel you could be contributing more to the company than you are currently doing, but do not complain about the menial tasks. It often falls to the newest member of the team to do these things, and the last thing you want is to be perceived as someone who is not a team player. In time you will see if this job is the right fit for you.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died of cancer a couple of months ago. While we were a bit estranged, I did love him, and his loss was painful. Despite this, I have accepted things and moved on.

The issue is that anytime I talk to my friends about it, they assume I'm really in shock. My friends are older, so I suspect they think it's because I'm only 22, but it's frustrating that they disregard my personal growth and the way I've dealt with his death.

I realize I have moved on fairly quickly, but the way I see it, death is a part of life, and what's done is done. How can I explain to them that while I'm sad, I have accepted what happened without sounding like I didn't care about my dad? -- MOVED ON IN THE WEST

DEAR MOVED ON: Point out to your well-meaning friends that your relationship with your father may not have been like the ones they had with their fathers. That you were "a bit estranged" may have made his death less traumatic than if he had been a major part of your life. It should not be necessary to put on a display of sackcloth and ashes. Everyone grieves differently, so remind them of that.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Rat begins today. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate this holiday. People born in the Year of the Rat are said to be instinctive, acute and alert, which makes them exceptional in business. They are sophisticated and popular in social interaction. But they can sometimes be stubborn and picky. Notable individuals born in the Year of the Rat include not only George Washington, Wolfgang Mozart, William Shakespeare and Charlotte Bronte, but also Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Affleck, Eminem, Prince Charles of Britain and his son Prince Harry.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 37 years. During that time, my husband has cheated on me and fathered several children.

As we have grown older, I have begun to think about final arrangements. If he dies, would I be wrong for not giving him a funeral or memorial service or having one for his sisters and brothers? I feel it would be disrespectful to me if the children that resulted from his affairs, and possibly their mothers, were there. Although my daughters love their father, I believe they would support my decisions. -- ANGRY WIFE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANGRY WIFE: You are under no obligation to have a funeral or memorial for your cheating husband. If his sisters, brothers, mistresses and their children would like to give him one, they can assume the responsibility. If you still feel the way you do today after his demise, you, your daughters and some close friends of yours can go out for a nice lunch or dinner to acknowledge the occasion.

P.S. Devil's food cake for dessert would be appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced 10 years ago, when I was a freshman in college. My mom didn't want the divorce. My dad initiated it, but they fought constantly when they were together. Not long afterward, Dad started a relationship with a co-worker, his current wife, whom my mom believes was the reason he left her.

I am being married at the end of the year, and I know Mom won't be able to keep her emotions in check if Dad's wife attends. My parents can keep it amicable if it's just them, but I can't see a way to exclude Dad's wife without upsetting him. What's the less-painful option -- my mom getting upset or my dad getting upset? -- WANTS FAMILY HARMONY

DEAR WANTS: Talk to your mother. Explain that you want your wedding to be inclusive, and you don't want this special day to be spoiled. If she feels she won't be able to control her anger, she shouldn't attend. To invite your father and not his wife will be regarded as an insult, and he would likely refuse to be a part of it.

DEAR ABBY: I married a man 24 years ago. At the time, I had a daughter who was 6. My new husband welcomed her, and she considers him to be her father. His parents, however, never considered her as their own. They took several family trips with all their grandkids but excluded my daughter.

Fast-forward to today: My daughter lives in another state. These nieces and nephews all have kids, as does my daughter. Every birthday and Christmas, I buy said nieces' and nephews' kids presents, but I assume because my daughter lives in a different state, no one buys her kids anything. Is it wrong that this upsets me? Should I continue buying gifts for all those kids when my daughter's kids are being left out? -- LEFT OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LEFT OUT: You are not wrong. Considering the circumstances, you have been more than generous. Because your nieces and nephews are adults now, send them cards for the holidays. The same is true for their children. And if you are asked why, tell them the truth -- that gift-giving is supposed to be an exchange, and your daughter was seriously shortchanged.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy woman. My friend "Adele" was calling me excessively on my cellphone. She would call up to three times every day, even when I was at work. When I would take her call, she'd start questioning me, asking me what I was so busy with. At times she would lecture me about things she thought I should be doing.

Her perfectionism and nonstop phone calls were smothering me. I finally asked her, as graciously as I could, to please stop the excessive calling. Now she no longer speaks to me at all.

We were friends for years, but the constant contact was stressing me out. Do you think I have ruined this friendship, or is this something that will blow over? -- SMOTHERED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SMOTHERED: Adele should not have been calling you multiple times every day, especially while you were at work, which could have had a negative effect on your job performance. It was not rude to ask her to stop and to explain why.

It appears that while your friend had no hesitation to lecture you about what you "should" do, she was hypersensitive when it came to receiving some constructive criticism. You haven't heard from her because she is trying to punish you. Consider yourself lucky. You haven't ruined the friendship; she has.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. I moved to this city to be with my boyfriend six years ago. We have since broken up and gone our separate ways.

When I moved here, I left behind my family, friends and all I had ever known to be with him, but something just never felt right here. Since the breakup, this city has felt less and less like home, but the problem is, I never really felt at home in the town I grew up in either. It was a small, repressed community where if you even said the word "gay," most people were ready to shun you. Only some of my closest and dearest friends and a few family members really accepted me.

I guess my problem now is, I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to find my place in this world. Any advice you can offer or help you can give would be greatly appreciated. -- NO PLACE FEELS LIKE HOME

DEAR NO PLACE: Go on the internet and start researching cities that have a sizable gay community in which you can meet other gay people. Your next step should be to see what employment opportunities are available there for someone with your skill set. If you make the move, I predict it won't take you long to feel at home because you will find the emotional support you are looking for. I wish you luck on what I am sure will be an exciting and rewarding step forward in your life.

DEAR ABBY: I sent a VERY nice watch to my grandson for his 23rd birthday. The first thing he did was have it appraised for value and authenticity. The second thing he did was let me know he did it. I am flabbergasted and somewhat offended.

Additionally, this grandson and his siblings seem never to have been taught the importance of a handwritten thank-you note. Am I wrong and old-fashioned? -- NOT SO SURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT SO SURE: Not in my book. Good manners never go out of fashion. But don't blame your grandson or his siblings for the breach of etiquette. Parents are supposed to teach their children the social niceties, and it appears theirs fell down on the job.