life

Couple Is Target of Ridicule for Their Healthy Lifestyle

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We need advice about how to respond to friends and family who poke fun or show disdain because of our healthy lifestyle. We are in our 60s. We rarely eat out, and when we do, we avoid fast food. We cook most of our meals with an emphasis on vegetables, fruits, fish and chicken. We exercise regularly and have occasional treats. We have no chronic illnesses and aren't on any medications.

For some reason, our food choices rub people the wrong way. If we are asked why we are in good health, we answer, "Over the years, we've learned not to consume foods or beverages that make us feel bad." If we're invited out to eat and order the baked salmon with broccoli instead of the burger and fries, we hear, "Your diet is so boring." We usually laugh and shrug it off, but we don't think our diet is boring. We simply enjoy being healthy and know that food is "medicine." Should we continue to keep our mouths shut? -- HEALTHY LIVING

DEAR HEALTHY: YEP! Your friends and family react the way they do because seeing you eat the way you do makes them feel self-conscious about their own food choices. Continue laughing and shrugging to age 100. The others may not be as fortunate as you.

Health & Safety
life

Girlfriend Is Hurt to Learn Man Still Sees His Ex

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend recently discovered that I am still talking to another girl I used to date. I'll call her Kyra.

Kyra and I had agreed we would remain strictly friends, and the breakup was before I started dating my current girlfriend, "Jan." Jan is devastated by this, and I can somewhat understand why. She got cheated on multiple times in her last relationship.

Do you think I was crossing a boundary by wanting to maintain the friendship with Kyra? Or should I have dropped it when I started dating Jan? I'm asking you because everyone I talk to agrees with me, and everyone Jan talks to agrees with her. I assume it's because people agree with whoever is telling the story. You are unbiased, and your opinion would be greatly appreciated. -- DOING THE RIGHT THING IN UTAH

DEAR DOING: There's nothing wrong with remaining friends after a breakup. Jan is insecure because her last boyfriend cheated on her, and who can blame her? However, that is her problem, and you shouldn't make it yours. Your mistake was not telling Jan when you first started dating that you are still in touch with Kyra -- and that she's a platonic friend, nothing more. Jan does not have the right to control your friendships, and you shouldn't let it happen.

Love & Dating
life

Talkative Friend Dominates One-Sided Conversation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: How do you cut off a person who talks constantly without a break? By the time there's a lull in her speech, I have forgotten what I wanted to add to the conversation. -- WORD IN EDGEWISE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORD: I have encountered compulsive talkers like her. They are exhausting. Remember, she has to breathe sometime. The minute she starts to inhale, start talkin'!

Friends & Neighbors
life

Sister Gets More of Man's Time Than His Wife and Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to handle this. My husband of 29 years spends more time with his sister and her family than he does with me and our children. If I say anything about it, he jumps all over me, defending her. He says she doesn't have anyone to help her. But Abby, she has two grown sons and a husband she recently decided to divorce.

I think his relationship with his sister is weird, and other people have said they think so, too. One person even called it creepy. When I told my husband I thought it was a weird relationship, he yelled at me. I can no longer talk about his sister with him; it's off limits. Please help. -- ONLY THE WIFE

DEAR ONLY THE WIFE: Has your husband always been close to this sister? It may be the reason he is spending time with her. I'm sure she wouldn't be divorcing her husband if the marriage had been a bed of roses, and she may need private time with her brother to help her detoxify.

That said, that he spends more time with his sister than with you and the children is unusual. It makes me wonder about the state of your own marriage. If there is stress and tension the two of you can't resolve together, you may need to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

In-Laws Buy Second Home in a Nudist Colony

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our 47-year-old son remarried two years ago. We have a 15-year-old grandson from his previous marriage who lives with his mom and who visits his dad every other weekend. We are not close with our new in-laws, who live out of state.

We recently found out that they have purchased a second home very close to our son. The problem is, the home is located within a nudist colony and, therefore, we assume they are in fact nudists. Should this be a problem for us (we are both 70), or should we not be concerned? -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: I don't think there is anything to be worried about. If you are concerned that your grandson will "see" something shocking, please know that he can find whatever he is curious about on his computer or cellphone. However, if you are worried that either of you will be forced to view or participate in nude activities when you visit your son, all you have to say is, "I think we'll stay at a nearby hotel, thank you."

Family & Parenting
life

Embarrassing Wedding Video Goes Viral

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a wedding and was videotaped while I was dancing. I was shown the tape later at a family gathering. I'm not a great dancer, and I looked silly, so I asked that the video be deleted. Instead, it was passed around and everyone laughed and made fun of me. It was embarrassing and hurtful.

My husband says I'm overreacting. Am I? I said nothing and don't intend to, but I can't get it out of my mind. -- DANCING FOOL IN OHIO

DEAR DANCING FOOL: Your feelings are your feelings. Nobody wants to be made fun of. But you have two choices: The first is to continue to stew about it. The second is to join in the laughter, admit you don't dance like a gazelle -- few people do -- and let it go. If you downplay it, it will go away.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Man's Family Treats Him as a Second-Class Citizen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 33 years. He doesn't drink or smoke and has never used pot or drugs. We have the best time together, love each other and enjoy our life together.

The trouble is his family. He's the youngest, and they treat him like an outsider. Whenever we get together, his mother often tells him he was a "surprise" baby, and his siblings treat him like an interloper.

I have been wanting to limit our contact with his family, and my husband, who has been loyal to them even though they treat him this way, is finally coming around. I don't want to be rude, but his family will never change their ways. What's the most polite way of distancing ourselves without hurting anyone? -- OUTSIDER'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: The "polite way" is to tell the relatives you can't see them because you have a schedule conflict, a previous commitment, a trip planned, a sick pet, or think you may be coming down with something contagious and don't want to give it to them. The better way would be for you and your husband to tell them you don't like the way they treat him and if it continues, they will see much less of both of you.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Family Responsibilities Force Worker to Break Promise

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been at my current job just over a year, and I really enjoy it. My co-workers and I get along, and it is a great job for my skill set.

When I was interviewing for the position, I made a point of saying that I am not the type of person who will leave after a short while because it's a problem employers face where I live. Recently, however, I have been asked to help my father run his business. He's not a young man, and he genuinely needs the help I can provide.

I'm torn. Should I put my family first, or keep my promise not to leave this job after such a short time? -- TORN IN COLORADO

DEAR TORN: I think you already know what you must do. Talk to your boss, explain the situation and apologize. Then give enough notice that a replacement can be found so you are not leaving your employer in the lurch.

Work & School
life

Couple Is Devastated by Sudden Loss of Dog

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently lost our beloved pet of 12 years, "Bootsy." He was our first "fur baby." His death was very sudden, and we are devastated. We don't have children; it was as if he was our firstborn. What can we do to get through the death of our beloved dog-child? -- SUFFERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SUFFERING: I am sorry for your loss. An unfortunate aspect of being emotionally invested in a pet is the reality that they have much shorter lifespans than humans do. Start the healing process by reminding each other that you gave Bootsy the best life possible. Consider making a contribution in his name to an animal rescue organization. Then contact the veterinarian who cared for Bootsy about joining a grief support group to help you through this time of bereavement.

Death

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