DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the Oct. 25 letter from "Maria in California" regarding the leftover money in her late husband's GoFundMe account.

If more than enough is contributed to help someone in need pay their medical expenses, that money is not intended to be "income" for the recipient's family. You rightly suggested considering her husband's wishes, but the contributors' intent was to help a needy person pay medical expenses. Any leftover funds should be donated to a nonprofit organization with similar goals, perhaps a free medical clinic for low-income patients or an organization that provides free or reduced-cost housing for families who travel to medical centers for a loved one's treatment. Family members should not profit from generous donors who intended to help pay a needy individual's medical bills. -- GLEN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GLEN: Thank you for your comment. Other readers disagreed with my answer and said that Maria and her family should "pay it forward." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Regarding which family member is "entitled" to the leftover funds from Maria's terminally ill husband's GoFundMe account: I say none of them. People donated money to help defray the costs of treating the husband's illness. Now those have been paid, it is unseemly (a money grab) and unethical (fraud) to assume remaining funds can be used by either the widow or the daughter. The money wasn't given to them!

The solution is to donate the remaining funds to the disease research, hospice, medical facility, or any other cause near and dear to the deceased's heart. That way, there is no conflict of interest, no impropriety, and it's the right thing to do. -- MO IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: "Maria in California" asked what to do with leftover money raised on GoFundMe for her husband who has passed away. I would have suggested she go back to the GoFundMe site and find some other families in need and donate the money to them. -- MARION IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years. I love him very much, but there are times when he lectures me, and I get tired of it. Then about an hour later -- maybe sooner -- he will come and say, "I'm sorry." I'm getting frustrated because he's always "sorry." There are times I just roll my eyes and wait. What can I do or say when he comes back to apologize when he always makes it my fault? -- FRUSTRATED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: What is going on is a red flag, and you should recognize it as such. That your fiance talks down to you, and then says he's sorry but it was your fault, isn't an apology. It's a lame excuse for his bad (verbally abusive) behavior. Please carefully examine what is really going on in your relationship before it begins to affect your self-esteem, and possibly rethink this engagement.

DEAR ABBY: I have dysfunctional parents. For the sake of my sanity, I made the decision to remove them from my life. They have retaliated by spreading lies to immediate and extended family.

I was supposed to get an apartment with my father to help him now that he is aging. However, he became violent and threatened to kill me. I moved away and am physically safe now. My problem is, I'm now completely alone and a pariah on both sides of my family.

These lodgings are temporary. I'm afraid they will fall through once family finds out where I am and poisons this very distant relative against me. How am I supposed to survive this? I have a job, but big deal if I have nothing to live for and no purpose. -- ANONYMOUS ESCAPEE

DEAR ESCAPEE: Your chances of having a more permanent roof over your head will be better if you tell this relative everything you have told me before someone else gets to him or her. Your father appears to have serious mental problems you are not equipped to deal with, which may become apparent in the near future when he acts out against someone else. You made the right choice. Your family members may be angry because they are now the ones who have to take care of him, which is why they have started the smear campaign.

People survive situations like yours by performing their jobs well enough to excel and making new friends along the way. It's called "creating a family of choice." Most of the individuals who do it thrive because the relationships are healthy ones. You have much to live for and many happy times ahead, so please remember that and concentrate on a future filled with possibilities. If you do, it is what you will achieve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for six. We have the best relationship. Everybody tells us how great we are together. We don't fight, and we support each other 100% with everything.

While my husband isn't overweight, he does go back and forth from going to the gym to work out and eating healthy, to stopping and putting the weight right back on. I honestly couldn't care less about the number on his scale. The problem is, he's a horrible snorer. It's awful! I usually end up moving to the couch in the middle of the night to get some sleep.

I have tried earplugs, headphones, you name it. He has tried the strips, the sprays, mouthguards, been to the doctor, everything. He always feels bad when he wakes up and finds me out of the bed. I've told him that it doesn't make me mad, I just get annoyed when I have to get up and go.

The only thing that seems to make a difference is when he loses weight. How do I tell him that if he lost some weight, he would snore less? I don't want to hurt his feelings. -- SLEEPING BADLY IN OHIO

DEAR SLEEPING BADLY: If you have observed that your husband snores less when his weight is down, tell him. It isn't hurtful; it would be helpful. You say he's been to see his doctor. Ask if he's been checked for sleep apnea. If there are long pauses between a sleeping person's breaths or gasping, it could be a symptom of sleep apnea, a condition that can be life-threatening. A diagnosis could be a lifesaver.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old man who is getting married for the first time. My fiancee, "Holly," and I went to middle school and high school together, but never really got to know each other until a few years ago. I love her more than words can describe, and I'm happy to be getting ready to spend my life with her.

Growing up, I was socially awkward, partly due to having Asperger's, which made me a target for bullies. Holly and I are now choosing our wedding party. My sister will be one of her bridesmaids. Holly is an only child, so she doesn't have a brother who could be one of my groomsmen. She has expressed that she would like her cousin "Gerald" to be one of my groomsmen, so someone from her family is in our wedding party.

The problem is, Gerald was my main tormentor from eighth grade all through high school. At one point in 10th grade, his cruelty led to my attempting suicide. I carry the scar from the attempt on my right wrist.

I understand that people change and mature as they grow older, and I'm OK with Gerald attending the wedding. But the idea of him standing next to me on the biggest day of my life, along with my best friend and two closest cousins, triggers too many awful memories. How can I plead this to Holly without hurting her feelings or looking shallow and petty? -- NERVOUS GROOM-TO-BE

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: Shallow and petty? The scar on your wrist is visible, but clearly there are others, equally painful, that are not. I don't think it would come across as either shallow or petty if you explain to your fiancee, exactly as you have explained it to me, why you prefer Gerald not be at the altar with you on the most important day of your life. This is something Holly should have been made aware of before the two of you set a wedding date. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I've been an alcoholic since I was 21. I was married for 19 years, and my drinking was at its worst toward the end. I was selfish toward my wife and my daughter. Since then, I have learned many hard lessons that could have been avoided if only I had never drunk.

I have apologized to my ex-wife for my actions. I was never violent, but I embarrassed her and my daughter with behavior that I'm ashamed of. After our divorce, I made a few more mistakes and finally sought help. I'm in a Christian-based rehab program and have chosen to follow this path for the rest of my life.

Over the last six months I have sent texts and a few letters to my daughter, hoping for an acknowledgment or some dialogue, to no avail. Since being at rehab, I've written her about my feelings and some small talk, always ending my letter telling her she's the love of my heart, and I miss her. Is there anything else I can do? -- HOPING AND PRAYING IN NASHVILLE

DEAR HOPING: Yes, there is one more thing you can do. Because she may consider your words nothing but lip service, make an attempt to visit her so she can see the change in you. Accept that damage has been done, and you cannot alter the past. Continue living your life on the path you have chosen and pray that, with time, your daughter will recognize that you have turned your life around and let you back in to hers.