DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl and I'm worried. My husband bullies our son, "Jake." We often go to a park with swingsets near our home. Jake runs to the swings, gets on, and then my husband pushes it so hard, Jake screams in fear. People sitting on the benches stop talking and turn toward us. If I do what I can to stop this, my husband pushes me. I see him giggling low and his eyes flash with his head bent slightly down.

My husband is not a young father. I'm worried he will continue to bully Jake in other ways as he grows. My husband is a small man with feminine features and a shy demeanor. He has told me how some of his older brothers bullied him, and how girls in the neighborhood called him derogatory names.

I suspect he bullies our son to get even with what happened to him back then. Knowing him, I don't think counseling will be an option. I feel I must either live with him at my son's expense, or leave. Do you have any advice for me? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Talk to your husband and tell him his behavior is hurting the boy and it must stop. Does the bullying only occur in the park? If so, avoid going to the park with Daddy.

I'm concerned about your statement that he "pushes" you if you try to intervene. If you mean it literally, that is spousal abuse. Deliberately frightening a child is also abuse, which may indeed escalate as the boy grows older. Some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist could be helpful for you in determining what your next steps should be. Divorce may be the surest way to protect both of your children.

DEAR ABBY: My late husband refused to wear a seat belt. One day a truck hit him. He was thrown around hard inside the car and spent a month in the hospital. An X-ray showed the back of his brain was mush. He was mentally disabled for the rest of his life and needed care 24/7. It was such a waste. He had been a teacher with a master's degree in education.

My grown children helped me to take care of him. They were heartbroken. This was a tragedy that could have been avoided. It happened only because he didn't take a few seconds to fasten his seat belt.

Please print this as a reminder to your readers, Abby. -- COMMON SENSE CALIFORNIAN

DEAR CALIFORNIAN: I am truly sorry for your family's pain. Too many people, drivers and passengers, choose to ignore the seat belt laws.

As your letter illustrates, they do so at their own peril. Every traveler, whether in the front or back seat, should buckle up. I'm glad you shared this because so many people are on the road during the holidays. I hope your family's tragic experience will give them the "nudge" they need.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently married his longtime partner, "Kurt." They are coming to visit soon. How should I introduce "Kurt" to people now? Do I use the word "husband," "partner" or something else? -- LOST FOR THE WORD

DEAR LOST: Many gay men use "husband" or "spouse" when referring to the man to whom they are married. But, to be sure, ask your son and Kurt which title they would prefer you to use.

DEAR ABBY: My mom passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind two cats. My mother-in-law graciously took them in temporarily, which included shouldering the financial burden of a few vet visits.

After everything quieted, we asked her if she would be willing to keep the cats indefinitely because we rent, and re-homing them wasn't an option in our area. She agreed, but said when we want to take them, we can. We offered to compensate her for the vet bills, but she refused. Our relationship has always been strained, but, in that moment, she was very kind and generous.

Now, a year later, the cats have been renamed and are well cared for beyond what we could have ever given them. I, however, feel guilty. My husband and I don't want the cats. We will be buying a home soon, and our daughter is hoping to adopt a dog.

I do not want to take on a new obligation if I already have one to my mother-in-law. Those cats are my mom's final unfinished business, and I want to do right by them. How can I do right by my mother-in-law as well? -- NOT A CAT PERSON

DEAR NOT A CAT PERSON: The cats have acclimated well to living with your mother-in-law -- and it is entirely possible that she has grown to love them in the year they have been with her.

If she is aware that you will be buying a home, she should be told that your daughter has her heart set on having a dog. Because three animals would be too much for you, ask if she would mind keeping the kitties after you move. She may surprise you and say she doesn't mind at all.

(From where I sit, she sounds like a doll, so regard her generosity as a chance to mend fences and express your gratitude equally generously.)

DEAR ABBY: In this holiday season of love, hope and miracles I ask your millions of readers to join me in remembering and honoring those courageous Americans and allies who created a "Christmas Miracle" during the Korean War 69 years ago. From November to December 1950, they fought one of the most savage battles of modern warfare and did the impossible by achieving one of the greatest humanitarian rescues in history.

Fighting in the frozen mountains at Chosin Reservoir, with wind-chill temperatures far below zero, outnumbered and encircled (120,000 to 30,000), our troops broke out to save 100,000 Korean men, women and children by Christmas Eve. Our soldiers endured frostbite and suffering with valor, ultimately sustaining 16,495 casualties, but inflicting 48,156 casualties on the enemy.

We are proud of, and indebted to, those members of our armed forces who suffered and sacrificed for our freedom. Please say a prayer for them and their families, and thank God for the gift of these precious souls. -- WITH CHRISTMAS LOVE, CARMELLA LaSPADA, NO GREATER LOVE INC.

DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your letter. This is the time of year when people often reminisce about family memories. In that spirit, I agree that we should also remember our collective history, and reflect on and give thanks for the bravery and sacrifice our service members and their loved ones have given us.

DEAR ABBY: I am happily divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage to a narcissist. My ex cheated throughout our marriage, lied repeatedly and was abusive. He left me for another woman.

I realize now that he did me a favor by leaving. When he left, I didn't correct any of the lies he told his family, girlfriends, friends and acquaintances because I just wanted him out of my life. My issue is, he is still lying to everyone about how our marriage ended.

He rarely visits our son, and he complains about having to pay child support and alimony. I have asked him to leave me alone and not speak to me unless it's about our son, but he won't. I have warned him if he doesn't stop bothering me I'm going to tell his girlfriend, family and friends the truth about everything. Should I tell them or just let it go? -- BURDENED BY HIM IN FLORIDA

DEAR BURDENED: I think you should finally tell the whole truth to whoever will listen, which is what you should have done in the first place. If you have proof, reveal it. Because you waited, you may be less credible than you would have been then, so be prepared.

You should also talk with a lawyer about the fact that your ex won't leave you alone and keeps bothering you, because it could be considered malicious mischief or harassment, and there are laws against it.

DEAR ABBY: I have several friends who think it is OK to interrupt a conversation by shoving a phone in my hands to look at (1) their cute grandchildren, (2) the casserole they made yesterday, (3) how they looked after last week's tennis match or something equally boring. How can I politely refuse them? -- DON'T CARE IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR DON'T CARE: If your conversation is being interrupted by a third party, it would not be rude to ask the person to please wait to show you the photos until you are finished. If, however, the person you are talking with does this, you are stuck. While I agree the behavior is rude, unless you want to risk offending, briefly offer the praise that's being sought and hand the phone back.

DEAR ABBY: I have two young nieces who are close in age. One of them just announced her plans for an elaborate wedding. The other sent a Christmas card together with her new boyfriend because they are now living together.

Does the niece who is forgoing marriage also forfeit her opportunity to acquire wedding gifts? Or does her card constitute a "coupling announcement" for which a gift card would be appropriate? -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: The niece who is cohabiting sent you a Christmas card, not a "coupling announcement." Cross your fingers that all goes well for her and the boyfriend, and perhaps -- in a year or two -- you will receive an invitation for their wedding. (If you decide to attend, a gift would be in order at that time.)

TO MY READERS: The eight days of the Jewish celebration of Hanukkah begin at sundown. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! A joyous Festival of Lights to all of us!