life

Lonely Husband Gives More Than He's Getting From Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 6th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I married in our early 40s. I have given my all to her, but I have always felt underappreciated.

I always wanted to be a father, but she didn't want to have kids. After we were together for a few years, she changed her mind, so we decided to try for a child and were surprised to discover after only a week of trying that we were pregnant. A few months ago, we were blessed with our beautiful, healthy daughter.

My wife had difficulty with breastfeeding, so she decided to stop and solely bottle-feed. I have been supportive of her decision, but she still feels sad and guilty about it. I have done all I can to encourage and comfort her, but she just brushes me off.

I love my wife with all that I am, but I don't feel loved in return. Since we started dating, she has always called me "Babe." Now she calls me by my first name. I tell her I love her every day, but she hasn't said it back since the baby was born. She also doesn't say goodnight when she goes to bed.

We haven't kissed in almost two months. I receive no affection from her; she never even touches me. I don't care about not having sex, but she won't even touch my arm or try to hold my hand. I feel alone and lonely in my own home. What can I do to change things? -- HEARTSICK HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: Tell your wife what you have written. She may be feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from taking care of a brand-new baby, or suffer from a common condition called postpartum depression. (It's sometimes referred to as the "baby blues" for a reason.) Urge her to discuss how she has been feeling with her OB/GYN because, with medical help, the condition is treatable. Please don't wait because the sooner this is dealt with, the better it will be for all three of you.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Housesitter Gets Faint Praise for Cleaning

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 6th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently housesat for a friend and her family while they were on vacation because they needed someone to water their plants and take out their dog. Cleaning is a favorite pastime of mine, so while I was there, I did some tidying up. I did not enter any of their bedrooms and only did small tasks such as vacuum and mop the common areas. I genuinely thought I was being considerate by going above and beyond.

When they returned, they seemed shocked and even slightly offended, and made jokes about how I must think they are messy. At the time, it seemed fine, but I understand now it may have been misinterpreted.

Did I cross a boundary, and should I avoid doing this in the future? How should I apologize? I feel terrible for offending them. -- CLEANING'S MY THING

DEAR C.M.T.: Stop beating yourself up and ASK your friend if she was offended that you mopped and dusted while you were housesitting. If the answer is yes, apologize. And when you do, explain that you are somewhat of a "neatnik" and thought they would be pleased to come home and find fewer chores needing to be done. If she's truly offended, you won't be asked to housesit again, but I have a strong hunch you will be.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Girlfriend Closely Attached to Son Is Distant to Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 5th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: One of my sons is dating a young woman who seems to care deeply for him, but is very cool and distant to our family. He goes to nearly all of her family's events, but she seldom comes to any of ours.

She has been to one birthday get-together at a restaurant, a wedding and a play where I bought the tickets for her, myself and all my daughters-in-law. She has been invited to family dinners at one or another of our homes, Christmas celebrations, Thanksgivings, birthdays -- you name it -- but has not come to any of them. My husband and I hand-make our gifts to her, which require a lot of time and effort. Last year, she sent us each a gift for Christmas.

They have been dating for several years. When they are apart, she texts him constantly. I am confused and troubled by her indifference to us. We have been more than welcoming to her. Is there anything I or we could do to help her warm up to us? -- FLUMMOXED MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Have you talked with your son about this? If not, you should. You are already doing everything you can, so prepare to batten down the hatches. If your son eventually marries this insecure young woman, she will continue isolating him from his family and absorb him into her own. When the grandchildren come, they will spend the majority of their time with her family and not yours.

It is harsh, but it's the truth. Unless your son is strong enough to put his foot down, it's exactly what will happen. You have my sympathy.

Holidays & CelebrationsLove & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Thin Woman Is Troubled by Co-Workers' Envy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 5th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a naturally thin young woman. Oftentimes, especially when I'm working in offices with older women, my co-workers comment on their dissatisfaction with their weight and how they wish their body could be more like mine.

To be honest, I don't equate thinness with beauty or fat with ugliness. But when I try to tell these women I think they are beautiful as they are, it's received with suspicion, as if they think I don't mean what I say. How can I respond to those who are unhappy with their weight without sounding insincere? I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. -- THIN IN FLORIDA

DEAR THIN: When your co-workers compliment you about your figure, smile and say thank you. Period. If they express dissatisfaction with their appearance, do not allow yourself to be drawn into the conversation. You can't alleviate their insecurities; they haven't believed you when you tried. Because the subject makes you uncomfortable, try changing the topic to another one.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Puzzle Lover Looks for Ways to Share

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 5th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is there a place where I can donate puzzles? I always make sure all the pieces are there. I put them in a zip bag inside a taped box so anyone who gets them would be getting something that's as good as new. I have a whole closet full, and I need to find a place to donate them. They are too nice to throw away. -- WANTING TO SHARE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WANTING: I am sure that if you call around you will discover that senior centers, hospitals, nursing homes, libraries, churches, schools and rehabilitation facilities could put those puzzles to good use. It's worth a try.

life

Boss Shrugs Off Concerns About Raunchy Talk at Work

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband works with a group of men who often become vulgar in their conversations. My husband was raised to have respect and dignity, so he is uncomfortable with it.

The men discuss their wives and girlfriends in explicit detail. Some of them have daughters. It is just insane! Would they want someone talking about their daughters like that?!

My husband tries to ignore it or change the subject. Although he gets stressed about it, he can't go to the boss because his boss chimes in. The boss once said, "Oh, it's just men talking." My husband finds the whole thing disrespectful. He could go to Human Resources, but he's not sure he should. What should he do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WYOMING

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Your husband should not have to be subjected to conversations in the workplace that make him uncomfortable. He should have spoken up when it first happened. And he should still make his feelings known and bow out of these interactions. If HR in that company is strong enough to institute some rules that will be respected, he should alert someone there to the uncomfortable work environment in his department.

Marriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Widow Ready to Date Again Is Unsure About Sex

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow of two years who is taking my first steps getting back out there into the dating world. The dating sites scare me for lots of reasons. My biggest concern is the sexual part of dating. How do you know if the person is healthy? Do you ask if they have been tested lately, or ever? Should I have to ask if they have protection?

I'm way past getting pregnant, but I don't want any surprises either. I do plan on getting to know the man before I get to the romantic part, but would like to know how to address my concerns. -- READY TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR READY: You are a wise lady. According to the Centers for Disease Control, STDs like herpes, gonorrhea, hepatitis B and trichomoniasis are spreading like wildfire. In 2017, nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were reported in the United States. You should also be aware that 1 in 6 new cases of HIV diagnosed were among people over the age of 50.

This is why, before getting to the "romantic part," it is imperative you have a frank, honest, open discussion about sexually transmitted diseases and to refrain from having unprotected sexual contact unless you and your partner are in an exclusive relationship and you both have been tested, preferably together.

Sex & GenderDeathLove & Dating
life

Ring on Friend's Finger Looks Suspiciously Familiar

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: This may seem a bit crazy. While out to dinner with friends, I noticed a ring on my girlfriend's finger. My husband and I had traveled with them in Portugal last year. About the same time, I lost a ring that closely resembled the one my friend was wearing. What's the best way to ask her where she got it without sounding accusatory? The ring is unique, and I think it is mine. I look forward to your advice on handling this. -- LOST RING UP NORTH

DEAR LOST RING: Ask your friend if she "found" that lovely ring because it is similar to one you lost during that trip to Portugal. If she denies it, drop the subject unless you prefer to drop the friend.

Friends & Neighbors

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • September Sunshine
  • Talking to Strangers
  • Up North With Mom and Dad
  • Grandmother-to-Be Has Mixed Feelings
  • Father Questions Son's Therapy Treatments
  • Fiancée's Devotion to Start-Up Frustrates, Worries Loved Ones
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal