DEAR ABBY: One of my sons is dating a young woman who seems to care deeply for him, but is very cool and distant to our family. He goes to nearly all of her family's events, but she seldom comes to any of ours.
She has been to one birthday get-together at a restaurant, a wedding and a play where I bought the tickets for her, myself and all my daughters-in-law. She has been invited to family dinners at one or another of our homes, Christmas celebrations, Thanksgivings, birthdays -- you name it -- but has not come to any of them. My husband and I hand-make our gifts to her, which require a lot of time and effort. Last year, she sent us each a gift for Christmas.
They have been dating for several years. When they are apart, she texts him constantly. I am confused and troubled by her indifference to us. We have been more than welcoming to her. Is there anything I or we could do to help her warm up to us? -- FLUMMOXED MOM IN THE SOUTH
DEAR FLUMMOXED: Have you talked with your son about this? If not, you should. You are already doing everything you can, so prepare to batten down the hatches. If your son eventually marries this insecure young woman, she will continue isolating him from his family and absorb him into her own. When the grandchildren come, they will spend the majority of their time with her family and not yours.
It is harsh, but it's the truth. Unless your son is strong enough to put his foot down, it's exactly what will happen. You have my sympathy.