DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old son has been in a volatile on-again, off-again relationship with a woman who has physically and emotionally abused him repeatedly. He's an Iraq War veteran with issues of his own, including a previous marriage and messy divorce from a narcissistic woman. They share custody of two grade school-age children. The current woman has grown children, plus a pre-teen boy (with issues also). The last time they split up, my husband made it clear that she would never be welcome in our home again because of her violent temper. We don't condone that behavior.

Our son has now decided he thinks he "loves her." He wants us to give our blessing, including having her in our home and being one big happy family. We are sure this "reunion" will come with her assurances that she has changed, and it will never happen again.

Abby, we want our son to be happy, but we recognize that a leopard doesn't change her spots. We also don't want our young grandchildren in a toxic environment again. What should we do? Please don't tell me he needs to go to counseling because he says he is. Help! -- SEEING CLEARLY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SEEING: When you stated that your son is asking you for your blessing, including having this woman in your home and being one big happy family, did he mean LIVING there with you? If that's not the case, you can bless it, but your answer should be no if it means they will live under your roof. It would be healthier for all of you if they have living arrangements of their own. That way, you can see her only when she is on her good behavior, and if she backslides, the drama won't be in your home. The added bonus is that your son will have a refuge if he needs it. (I'd give anything to know how his therapist views this.)

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a trivial problem, but it has our little group of friends on the verge of breaking up. We meet monthly. There are seven of us.

Two of them don't want to exchange birthday presents when one or two of us have a birthday because they say they can't afford it. By the way, their lifestyle is quite lavish. The rest of us enjoy giving small gifts (and they are small -- less than $10), or a gift card for the restaurant we are meeting at that night. We have told them a card is fine.

They are now threatening to stop coming unless we stop giving gifts because it makes them feel bad. It seems like they don't want to make the effort, and we feel like we are being held hostage. What's the solution? We love these ladies and don't want them to stop coming. Christmas is approaching, and five of us want to exchange presents, but they don't. Thanks for your opinion. It will matter to all of us. -- TRADITIONALIST IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: Because these ladies are uncomfortable with the idea of exchanging gifts on special occasions, they should be told their presence is not expected when those exchanges happen -- specifically Christmas, birthdays, etc. There will still be plenty of other times to get together -- and that way no one will be uncomfortable. Under no circumstances should you allow them to dictate what the rest of you do!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently celebrated our first anniversary and have decided we're ready to start a family. Our first month of trying has not been successful. My newly engaged cousin has just announced her wedding date. If our second month of trying is successful, my due date will fall just two days prior to their wedding.

I'm extremely close with my family, especially this particular cousin because we are so close in age. The thought of missing out on such a special day for them makes me upset. Plus, if I should go into labor the day of the wedding, not only would my husband and I be unable to attend but neither would my parents or sister because they would want to be by my side. That seems unfair to my cousin. Although I know she would understand, I would feel guilty.

When I brought up the idea of taking the month off from trying so the dates don't overlap, I knew my husband would be upset. But he wasn't just upset, he was furious! He told me I was being completely unreasonable and that it was the most absurd thing he's ever heard. (Mind you, he can be a little dramatic when he's upset.)

All I want to do is start trying again the next month so I would be due the month after the wedding. I never said I didn't want a baby, just that I want the opportunity to share in the joy of my cousin's big day. Am I being insensitive? -- TIMING IT RIGHT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TIMING: I don't think you are being insensitive. I do think you are overthinking this. Most people do not conceive on their first try. Sometimes it takes several tries -- or more. Pregnant women do not always deliver on schedule. So please, rather than worry about your cousin's wedding, let things progress in their own time. If you do, you will have less drama in your life to contend with.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away in early 2014. I haven't been able to get rid of or give away any of his stuff. He was a successful structural engineer with licenses in 12 states. He liked to go hiking every weekend "to clear his head." He has a collection of souvenir small metal buildings and ashtrays of civil or structural significance.

Abby, I'm just not sure how to start to move on. Granted, I'm no spring chicken -- I just turned 70 -- but it would be sweet to find another partner. To do that, I know I've got to lose the stuff. Maybe writing to you is helping me to sort it out. I would appreciate knowing your thoughts on the subject. -- SORTING THINGS OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR SORTING THINGS OUT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. No one can dictate when a widow or widower should start donating their deceased spouse's belongings. Grieving is an individual process, and the timing isn't the same for everyone. This project doesn't have to be done all at once.

Now that you are ready, contact a thrift store and ask what items they would welcome. The collection of souvenirs may or may not be valuable. An appraiser could help you to determine that. If your husband belonged to any organizations affiliated with his career, contact them to see if any of the members would be interested in acquiring it.

As to finding another partner, the solution is to make it your business to mingle, be social and scope out dating sites for seniors. If you need help, have a single friend or relative help you put together a profile and show you the ropes so you can do it safely.

DEAR ABBY: I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately, more than usual. I'm not angry about anything, just in pain. I keep getting knocked down after I try so hard to pick myself up. I tried calling a hotline, gave up on that. (I guess they're busy.) I can't afford doctors and psychiatrists.

The weather's changing, and I don't do well in the cold. I always get down when the temperatures drop. I love my home, but sometimes I wonder if I'm really happy here. I can't imagine leaving.

My kids live within a couple hours' drive. They have beautiful kids of their own. I'm going to miss them dearly. I no longer feel I have anything to offer in other aspects of my life. I wonder why I have to just exist. I've heard people say when someone dies "at least they're not in pain anymore." That sounds pretty good to me.

I guess I just really wanted to get this off my chest. I don't expect a miracle, but thanks for listening. -- ANONYMOUS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You're welcome. I'm glad you shared your feelings. You are not alone, and there is help for you. Pick up the phone and call 800-273-8255. It's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and it is staffed 24 hours a day by people who can help you to form coping strategies for your depression. I don't know what number you called the first time -- you may have misdialed -- but there IS help available, and no one is "too busy" to provide it. You simply have to reach out for it. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together for 30 years, married for 20. We have two sons living at home, a 20-year-old who works full-time and a 17-year-old who is graduating from high school in the spring.

I have been offered a transfer to Australia by my employer -- a transfer I had asked for. When we discussed it in the past, everyone was all for it. My oldest can likely stay with the multinational hotel chain he works for now, and I can get my youngest a decent career in my field of work as there is a tremendous shortage of skilled labor in Australia.

Now my wife tells me she can't leave her family, especially her father, who has Parkinson's. I have told her she can expect to return every summer to our condo on the beach and an additional two trips per year.

Abby, I thought our vows meant we would be together forever, wherever. My employer will soon begin the process of opening the Australian office, a process I will be part of and likely train the new hire. I am bitter and resentful toward my wife, and it is affecting my attitude toward her. I love her, but I am struggling to get over the fact she is denying me a very lucrative opportunity. Advice? -- LOSING OUT IN CANADA

DEAR LOSING OUT: It's time for you and your wife to put your heads together and work out a solution. By that I mean you should accept the lucrative business opportunity you have been offered, and your wife can take care of her father as long as she needs to. Unless his condition is critical, she can visit you and your sons periodically so it shouldn't put too much strain on your marriage. I hope you will consider it because the kind of resentment you are feeling now can destroy a marriage.