DEAR ABBY: I am in a 14-year marriage, but there has always been another woman, "Emily," I have thought about almost daily the whole time. My wife and I have just turned 40. We have no kids, but we have a dog. I always thought I would want kids, and we tried half-heartedly, but there is no real intimacy to this day. I kiss her goodbye in the morning and, for years, that's been it.

Emily is all in on a relationship with me still to this day. We had a great relationship with great sex, and I miss all of that. I'm struggling about the right thing to do, partly because I know the pain this will cause.

My wife and I still have good times together with friends, but when we're home, it's like we're just best friends with no benefits. One of the last times we had sex, she ended it abruptly. The flame I felt for her is gone. I feel like I should go the other direction because she wants kids and still loves me deeply after all these years. Please advise. -- WRESTLING WITH IT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WRESTLING: Clearly you have never stopped talking to Emily. Quit "wrestling" and talk with your wife. She may have ended your last sexual encounter because it was physically painful or because she no longer feels emotionally connected to you.

The person who can help you determine what to do next is the woman to whom you are married. Whether this marriage is salvageable is debatable, but this I do know: A healthy marriage takes TWO committed individuals, and in this case, one of them (you) has been missing in action.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I very much wanted a child and used an egg donor to become parents. We are eternally grateful to the semi-anonymous donor (we have limited information on her) and love our 11-year-old son more than anything. We have told him that I needed help (for example, lots of shots) to become pregnant, but have not given him more information than that.

Now, I'm wrestling with how much to tell him and when. Part of me says he's our son -- period -- and that's all he needs to know. The other part of me says it's not something I'm ashamed of.

Truly I am grateful, yet with today's inexpensive DNA tests, I worry that a stranger will knock on our door one day and want contact with him. He has a family who loves him. What do we do? We are very private people. What's the best way to handle this? I love my son and want to be honest, yet protect him and allow him to focus on his/our family. -- MIDWEST MOM

DEAR MOM: Secrets like the one you are tempted to keep have a way of taking on a life of their own. Your son will eventually need to know his biological mother's and maternal grandparents' medical information.

If he has been learning anything about biology in school, he should already be aware that birds, bees and babies come from fertilized eggs. Not knowing his level of emotional maturity, I can't put a number on when he should be told. However, the longer you withhold the information, the greater the chances are that he will feel you weren't truthful with him.

If you want him to focus on "his/your" family, you must level with him, and when you do, let him know how much you wanted him and that you love him with all your heart.

DEAR ABBY: Lately, I have been feeling down with myself. For the last year or two, I have been really insecure about the way I look or act.

I'm overweight, and compared to my grandmother, I look like I'm pregnant. The way I act is strange. I talk to myself when I'm alone. I prefer to keep to myself and don't really have any friends. At school, I eat lunch alone at my own table (literally).

I suffer from depression and anxiety, yet my dad says I'm just overreacting. My sister talks bad about me every day. I used to cut, not because I'm suicidal, but because I wanted to feel something different for once. Dad forced me to stop.

I'm sorry this is all jumbled up. I'm not great at explaining how I feel. How do I fix me? -- HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT

DEAR HIDDEN: If it's any comfort, many people talk to themselves. When I do it and someone catches me, I explain that I'm talking with my "most interesting conversationalist."

I am, however, concerned that you are socially isolated. This is something you should discuss with your school counselor. There is a national organization called Beyond Differences that is dedicated to ending social isolation among young people. It started a program called "No One Eats Alone." It's their most popular program, and schools in all 50 states participate. It educates students on how to make tangible change in their own schools. The website is beyonddifferences.org, and if your counselor is not aware of it, he or she may find it of interest.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on how to discuss a sensitive matter with my son and daughter-in-law's babysitter. She watches my grandson Monday through Friday while they are at work. They live with me, and I work from home, so I am around all day while she's sitting with the baby.

Overall, she's pretty good, but we have discovered her asleep in my son and daughter-in-law's bed a couple of times. She also changes into my son's clothing occasionally, which makes my daughter-in-law very uncomfortable.

My daughter-in-law needs to have a discussion about it with her but doesn't know how to approach the matter. My suggestion was for her to be clear and tell the woman she's uncomfortable with the behavior and ask her to stop. What do you think? -- NOT SITTING WELL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT SITTING: Your daughter-in-law should ask her babysitter why she's crawling into their bed and putting on her employer's clothes because, frankly, what's going on is bizarre. The sitter should be told she's not being paid to sleep on the job. And further, that dressing up in the husband's attire is forbidden, and if it happens again she will be replaced.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I took our children trick-or-treating in my mom's neighborhood because we live in a rural area, and there's no trick-or-treating where we are. When we were done, we found a letter taped onto our windshield telling us how rude we were for bringing our kids trick-or-treating in a neighborhood we don't live in. I mentioned it to several friends and family members afterward, and the reactions were mixed. Some sided with us, and others sided with the note writer.

We're not sure what to do from now on. Is it rude to go into another neighborhood when there is no trick-or-treating in your own? What are families who live in areas with no trick-or-treating or who live in unsafe neighborhoods supposed to do? -- TRICKED, BUT NOT TREATED

DEAR TRICKED: Whoever wrote that note must have been the neighborhood witch. It is not unusual for parents who live in neighborhoods such as yours to bring their children to more populated areas to trick or treat. It happens every Halloween. Don't let it get you down.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married in college and now have two adult, college-educated daughters. We have worked hard, and we own a successful business. Unfortunately, my husband has been in and out of the hospital for the last eight years. When he's not in the hospital, he's very active and involved with the family. However, his almost-yearly hospitalizations take their toll on all of us.

My question: What role should his parents (in their 80s) play in his health-care decisions? They say he's their son and they have a right. I have said I and our daughters will help him to make those decisions. Am I wrong? This has been bothering me and my daughters for eight long years! -- WHOSE CHOICE IN THE WEST

DEAR WHOSE CHOICE: The choice of who should make his health-care decisions should he be unable to do it for himself should be your husband's. Those wishes should be formalized in a health-care directive and shared with family members. Once someone becomes an adult, the responsibility for carrying out those wishes usually rests with one's spouse or children rather than one's parents.